Let me start off by saying first that I generally take criticism well. Actually, no, I take that back. I don't take criticism well. My gut reaction to being criticized is similar to the knee jerk reaction, except of course I react with my fist. So my first reaction to hey, Javann whar you're doing kind of sucks is to punch you, the critic, square in the teeth. That having been said, I'd like to see any of you out there try to cricize me without ducking.
Of course, I'm just joking. I have yet to actually punch someone who criticized me, and honestly, I generally welcome it when someone does. But you know what I really hate? When I ask for an opinion, say some music I'm working on, and somone's like, yeah its good, sounds great, then later when I listen to whatever it was, I think, man this sucks, why didn't (won't point fingers but you know who you are) so and so tell me this sucks? Were they sparing my feelings? The sad part is I probably could've done better, but since someone who heard it objectively without any bias (or at least that's what I thought) was like no its good, I thought, oh well its good enough, I don't need to put anymore work in on it. Which is why I think most people are more critical of themselves because they truthfully can't trust most people when it comes to an honest opinion. I know I can't. And I don't understand this need to spare my feelings when, honestly, most friends of mine know that I wouldn't give you the same consideration. If you ask me to be honest and critique something, there's a solid chance that I will rip you or it a new one. I mean lets face it, I'm not known for my incredible propensity to actually like things. I am by nature a critical person of course. If you don't believe me, go back through my blog and really read some of it. I suggest most of the posts from 2004, with a few vintage posts from 2003 thrown in for good measure.
Which brings me to yet another point. I've blogging now for almost five years. seriously. That's a super long time. SO far I've only written 440 or so posts, I was going to go all statistician on it and give these wonderful numerics, but honestly, I just don't feel like doing all that. I will however say this. Maybe you haven't noticed, but many of the sites that started when mine did (the Knoxville one comes to mind, as does Misconstruedthoughts, which by the way, I sorta helped birth) have come and gone. Yet, this my weird little blog has withstood the test of time. I used to have multiple contributors of course (and I'm still kind of leaning towards doing another open call to people who'd want to contribute to my site, more on that later) but thus far I have not lost the desire to (occasionally) express my opinion on a little bit of everything. Pretty much every area of American suburban life has been touched by my Southern charm. (I can't type that with a straight face) And now, after all is said and done, I can't help wondering:
Why the heck did I not figure out how to get paid for this?
I just don't get it. I should have put a donations through PayPal link up or something, or even just sold some ad space, but honestly, all of this typing for what? With the exception of some of it being turned in last moment as a journal assignment for a class I had back in 03 (or was that 04, my college years blur together)I've not gotten any personal benefit from this blog. So I guess what I'm saying in a round about way, is
You're welcome.
I've managed to enrich your life and hopefully make you smile, maybe think a little, and of course, question my sanity. I think my work here is done.
Though, I will say, this is by no means over.
till next time.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
I remember when, I remember, I remember when/I lost my mind/There was something so pleasant about that place/even your emotions have an echo, in that much space/And when you're out there/yeah out there without a care/Yeah, I was out of touch/But it wasn't because I didn't know enough/it was because I knew too much/does that make me crazy?
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
So, another year has gone. Now its time to recap the year. Again. . .something's gotta be better.
Javann's Completely Awesome Year (Not Quite Completely Awesome, But okay)
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I moved out. I moved into a house with my sister. It was. . .different and not done before.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I have no resolve, much less during new years to do anything
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Um. . .yeah, I'm sure someone did, I just don't remember.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Kenneth Goode. He was a great man and his death made me hurt.
5. What countries did you visit?
The US of A. But it wasn't really a visit.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Honestly? I don't know, some answers to the questions that always seem to resurface when I sit alone in the dark.
7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Uh, the day that I visited Columbia, SC and was the best man in Jacob's wedding. What date was that? I really can't remember. But I assure you, it is etched in my memory.
8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
Getting another. . .oh wait that was in 2007. . .I accomplished nothing.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't want to tackle this question.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My first strained muscle in my lower back, hooray!! Numerous cuts, and a lot of food poisoning. Stupid food poisoning.
11. What were the best things you bought?
Uh. . .I really didn't buy anything substantial this year, maybe some new shoes, a cool sweater. That's about it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one really. Well, Tre did start pioneering, and become an EMT. So hooray for him. And I didn't mean that sarcastically, even though that's how I said it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one appalled or depressed me. . .except for myself of course. Yay.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Petrol (my goodness the petrol) clothing
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing really. . .I can never figure out if my life is depressing or if its just this form. . .
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) happier or sadder? believer it or not happier
(b) thinner or fatter? thinner (yes!)
(c) richer or poorer? In theory richer, but in practice still broke
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Traveling and cool stuff. More cool stuff should've been done
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work? I guess.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Somewhere dark quiet, and thankfully non-festive
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No. Of course not.
23. How many one-night stands?
I've got this nice plastic rubber maid storage drawer set that I keep next to my bed, had a five inch television on it, so I guess you can call it a night stand. And it is a singular.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Robot Chicken really showed me something. As did Aqua Teen Hungerforce, but that's normal of course.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My list of abhorrance is only comparable to my list of mistakes
26. What was the best book you read?
Keep Yourselves in God's Love
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
This year? TV on the Radio, My Morning Jacket
28. What did you want and get?
Separation
29. What did you want and not get?
I'm sticking with last years answer:
Completion
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
This year? Hmmm. . .Pineapple Express. It was hilarious.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I uh, did nothing. Yeah, that's about right.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Learning more. About anything.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Half metal and half hip hop, all stylish of course
34. What kept you sane?
Who said I was sane?
35. Which celebrity figure did you fancy the most?
How about that Meagan Fox? Rawr!
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Spiritual blindness not being an issue.
37. Who did you miss?
Roldie. He moved so far away.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Uh. . .Reed Cavanaugh. You'd think that name would be enough. And you'd be right in that thought. If you don't know Reed Cavanaugh, you should stop what you're doing find him and meet him, right now!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
I need to buckle down and go back to college. If I don't get my degree, I'll spend the rest of my life miserable and somewhat unfulfilled.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm an ever rollin' wheel, without a destination real.
I'm an ever spinning top, whirling around till I drop.
Oh but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool.
Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to.
You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go)
You got me going in circles
(oh round and round I go, I'm spun out over you)
I'm a faceless clock, with timeless hopes that never stop.
Lord but I feel that way, of my soul. My soul is stay.
Oh but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool.
Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to.
You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go)
You got me going in circles
(oh round and round I go) I'm spun out over you
(I need you baby) over you (I need you baby) spun out over you.
(I need you baby, I need you baby baby)
I'm spun (I need you baby) I said I'm spun out over you (I need you baby)
Spun out over you (I need you baby, I need you baby, I need you baby)
Don't ask for explanation. Well you can ask, I won't guarantee the answers. Anyway, thanks for the time, and spit the intelligence at me.
Javann's Completely Awesome Year (Not Quite Completely Awesome, But okay)
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I moved out. I moved into a house with my sister. It was. . .different and not done before.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I have no resolve, much less during new years to do anything
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Um. . .yeah, I'm sure someone did, I just don't remember.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Kenneth Goode. He was a great man and his death made me hurt.
5. What countries did you visit?
The US of A. But it wasn't really a visit.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Honestly? I don't know, some answers to the questions that always seem to resurface when I sit alone in the dark.
7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Uh, the day that I visited Columbia, SC and was the best man in Jacob's wedding. What date was that? I really can't remember. But I assure you, it is etched in my memory.
8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
Getting another. . .oh wait that was in 2007. . .I accomplished nothing.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't want to tackle this question.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My first strained muscle in my lower back, hooray!! Numerous cuts, and a lot of food poisoning. Stupid food poisoning.
11. What were the best things you bought?
Uh. . .I really didn't buy anything substantial this year, maybe some new shoes, a cool sweater. That's about it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one really. Well, Tre did start pioneering, and become an EMT. So hooray for him. And I didn't mean that sarcastically, even though that's how I said it.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one appalled or depressed me. . .except for myself of course. Yay.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Petrol (my goodness the petrol) clothing
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing really. . .I can never figure out if my life is depressing or if its just this form. . .
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) happier or sadder? believer it or not happier
(b) thinner or fatter? thinner (yes!)
(c) richer or poorer? In theory richer, but in practice still broke
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Traveling and cool stuff. More cool stuff should've been done
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work? I guess.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Somewhere dark quiet, and thankfully non-festive
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No. Of course not.
23. How many one-night stands?
I've got this nice plastic rubber maid storage drawer set that I keep next to my bed, had a five inch television on it, so I guess you can call it a night stand. And it is a singular.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Robot Chicken really showed me something. As did Aqua Teen Hungerforce, but that's normal of course.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My list of abhorrance is only comparable to my list of mistakes
26. What was the best book you read?
Keep Yourselves in God's Love
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
This year? TV on the Radio, My Morning Jacket
28. What did you want and get?
Separation
29. What did you want and not get?
I'm sticking with last years answer:
Completion
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
This year? Hmmm. . .Pineapple Express. It was hilarious.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I uh, did nothing. Yeah, that's about right.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Learning more. About anything.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Half metal and half hip hop, all stylish of course
34. What kept you sane?
Who said I was sane?
35. Which celebrity figure did you fancy the most?
How about that Meagan Fox? Rawr!
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Spiritual blindness not being an issue.
37. Who did you miss?
Roldie. He moved so far away.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Uh. . .Reed Cavanaugh. You'd think that name would be enough. And you'd be right in that thought. If you don't know Reed Cavanaugh, you should stop what you're doing find him and meet him, right now!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
I need to buckle down and go back to college. If I don't get my degree, I'll spend the rest of my life miserable and somewhat unfulfilled.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm an ever rollin' wheel, without a destination real.
I'm an ever spinning top, whirling around till I drop.
Oh but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool.
Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to.
You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go)
You got me going in circles
(oh round and round I go, I'm spun out over you)
I'm a faceless clock, with timeless hopes that never stop.
Lord but I feel that way, of my soul. My soul is stay.
Oh but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool.
Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to.
You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go)
You got me going in circles
(oh round and round I go) I'm spun out over you
(I need you baby) over you (I need you baby) spun out over you.
(I need you baby, I need you baby baby)
I'm spun (I need you baby) I said I'm spun out over you (I need you baby)
Spun out over you (I need you baby, I need you baby, I need you baby)
Don't ask for explanation. Well you can ask, I won't guarantee the answers. Anyway, thanks for the time, and spit the intelligence at me.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Maybe I've lost all reason/no, I know, baby I've lost all reason/why are we together/when all we do is hurt each other/constantly fighting/tearing ripping and biting/good times are bad times/bad times are worse times/I'm so. . .confused?/I feel so used/but it feels so sweet. . .
The last time was simply magic/no the last time was simply tragic/it hurts me so deeply/and it hurts me so sweetly/that I can't let go of who we are/and I know that "we" won't get far/rip my veins apart with your hate/reconstruct my heart I'll be your blank slate
tears in my eyes/a lump in my throat/a smile on my lips/I'm afraid I can't let go/I'm so near and you're so close/and now as I ooze to the ground/I can't help but think. . .
you're what brought me down. . .
I love to hate you/I hate to love you/I want to need you/I need to want you/I can't see because I'm blinded/ I'm blinded because I can see/
I see you standing over me. . .over me. . .over me. . .
The last time was simply magic/no the last time was simply tragic/it hurts me so deeply/and it hurts me so sweetly/that I can't let go of who we are/and I know that "we" won't get far/rip my veins apart with your hate/reconstruct my heart I'll be your blank slate
tears in my eyes/a lump in my throat/a smile on my lips/I'm afraid I can't let go/I'm so near and you're so close/and now as I ooze to the ground/I can't help but think. . .
you're what brought me down. . .
I love to hate you/I hate to love you/I want to need you/I need to want you/I can't see because I'm blinded/ I'm blinded because I can see/
I see you standing over me. . .over me. . .over me. . .
Okay, so lately I've just been dropping in, dropping poetry, and dropping out. Why break a good habit? This is more of a song though. Or actually songs. That's plural. Because there's two of them.
Human Alien
Everything is different, nothing is the same/no one cares about you, and no one knows your name/burning lungs set ablaze by loose tongues/the memories only pretty when it burns
human alien
no one really cares
human alien
everyone stares
human alien
seven billion enemies, a true army of one/unfulfilled desires, and another life comes undone/passive fires, sparked by aggressive liars/its okay/you'll have your day/ under the sun
human alien
Surrender the Night
a plane we can't attain to/ a place we dare not be/a dread no one will admit to/a fear not meant for me/glaciers replace warm desires/numbness creeeps up on me
in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and. . .
surrender the night
a cold blank slate buried deep in the snow/a heart filled with hate, until it grows cold/this is my own sorrow/I can beg or borrow/but its not right
in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and . . .
surrender the night
That's all I got for you for now ladies and gents. Love peace and nappyness.
Human Alien
Everything is different, nothing is the same/no one cares about you, and no one knows your name/burning lungs set ablaze by loose tongues/the memories only pretty when it burns
human alien
no one really cares
human alien
everyone stares
human alien
seven billion enemies, a true army of one/unfulfilled desires, and another life comes undone/passive fires, sparked by aggressive liars/its okay/you'll have your day/ under the sun
human alien
Surrender the Night
a plane we can't attain to/ a place we dare not be/a dread no one will admit to/a fear not meant for me/glaciers replace warm desires/numbness creeeps up on me
in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and. . .
surrender the night
a cold blank slate buried deep in the snow/a heart filled with hate, until it grows cold/this is my own sorrow/I can beg or borrow/but its not right
in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and . . .
surrender the night
That's all I got for you for now ladies and gents. Love peace and nappyness.
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