How do you go through life constantly flirting, constantly hurting, deep inside in your mind's eye, you have everything to hide, almost nothing to lose, and still you abuse, yourself and everyone else, who makes contact, every conversation is combat, its pathetic, how you regret it, then tomorrow forget it, but don't sweat it, it'll all be over soon, your time in the womb, will soon end in the tomb, and when you're cold and alone, listen to this, my song, it might make you sigh and moan, or even cry and groan, maybe you'll suddenly feel grown, remember that I like this song, am just so real, and like me, I hope this just makes you feel.
08/25/08
(First and extremely rough draft)
Monday, August 25, 2008
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
When you need a friend/don't turn to a stranger/you know in the end/I'll always be there/and when you're in doubt/or when you're in danger/just look all around/and I'll be there
Ah yes. The blog. Hello all. Well, all one of you. A lot of different things on my mind, so instead of just picking one and ranting for a page or so, I figured I would just, you know, give you a taste, or actually better yet a cross section of what its like to be in my mind. Um. . .segue!
Speaking of which, my first thought is the idea of me doing an album. Another album, I guess I should say, because I did actually produce a first. It just never really got any steam under it. Wait, I guess I should clarify. It sucked, and was really just a lot of random stuff I'd done with no real theme or merit, or actual playing or singing or words or anything. So I was thinking the other day about how most people who know me find my thought process. . .odd I guess. Well guess what? It is odd. And what better way to let the world in general into my head than through music. That is the best way right? Because if not this idea sucks. Anyway, I was going to make an album highlighting my thought process throughout a normal day. Or an album made entirely on one day of the week. Or some such nonsense. I'll be sure to let everyone know more when I figure out exactly what I'm going to do. Oh and if any of my friends with musical talent (exempt yourself from this request Jerm. Sorry) want to help me put together a song or two (and remember I really really really am a difficult person to work with on any creative endeavour) feel free to call me (if you're my friend then you have my number. duh)
Lately, I've been trying to piece together my thoughts on why I'm so, and I'm quoting what I've been told in the past, "complicated" and "mean". Well as far as the mean goes, I think its because I really don't like much. Not even myself. So I've cut out the possibility that I'm arrogant. But I think there's an even chance that I have some ridiculous standard which I expect all to measure up to, even though there's not a remote standard that anyone can or will meet it. As far as complicated goes, what did you not just read that last paragraph? Alliterate moron. See? I didn't even read that last paragraph, and I'm berating you, gentle reader, for not reading it. Of course, if you're here, you probably did, and so I guess that whole berating (beration?) was in vain. Or something like that. Anyway, I think that's the whole point of everything so far.
Phrases that I've been using way too much:
Sweet Mama Pajama!
Monster in verb and noun form, i.e. "Man that lane 49 is a monster!" or "Dude, I'm over here straight monstering these lanes."
Ridiculous
Also as a side not, Donato Alphonse D'Elia is quite possibly the coolest man alive. And as soon as I find a gift appropiate to his greatness, I intend to surprise him with it. Hmmm. . .of course it won't be much of a surprise anymore if he reads this. Uh. . .D.A. if you read this try to forget that I said that.
That is all.
Seriously. . .
Now you're just getting pathetic
Go do something else!!
You didn't go do something else did you?
Okay, okay okay fine, you can stop shouting encore. Uh. . .here's one last thought. Then seriously you're going to have to go do something else. As I get older I notice that my confidence level rises. Situations that used to make me nervous (and start sweating like I was running a marathon) now have little to no effect on me. Coincidence? I think not. Okay that was a thought now begone.
Begone I say!
Ah yes. The blog. Hello all. Well, all one of you. A lot of different things on my mind, so instead of just picking one and ranting for a page or so, I figured I would just, you know, give you a taste, or actually better yet a cross section of what its like to be in my mind. Um. . .segue!
Speaking of which, my first thought is the idea of me doing an album. Another album, I guess I should say, because I did actually produce a first. It just never really got any steam under it. Wait, I guess I should clarify. It sucked, and was really just a lot of random stuff I'd done with no real theme or merit, or actual playing or singing or words or anything. So I was thinking the other day about how most people who know me find my thought process. . .odd I guess. Well guess what? It is odd. And what better way to let the world in general into my head than through music. That is the best way right? Because if not this idea sucks. Anyway, I was going to make an album highlighting my thought process throughout a normal day. Or an album made entirely on one day of the week. Or some such nonsense. I'll be sure to let everyone know more when I figure out exactly what I'm going to do. Oh and if any of my friends with musical talent (exempt yourself from this request Jerm. Sorry) want to help me put together a song or two (and remember I really really really am a difficult person to work with on any creative endeavour) feel free to call me (if you're my friend then you have my number. duh)
Lately, I've been trying to piece together my thoughts on why I'm so, and I'm quoting what I've been told in the past, "complicated" and "mean". Well as far as the mean goes, I think its because I really don't like much. Not even myself. So I've cut out the possibility that I'm arrogant. But I think there's an even chance that I have some ridiculous standard which I expect all to measure up to, even though there's not a remote standard that anyone can or will meet it. As far as complicated goes, what did you not just read that last paragraph? Alliterate moron. See? I didn't even read that last paragraph, and I'm berating you, gentle reader, for not reading it. Of course, if you're here, you probably did, and so I guess that whole berating (beration?) was in vain. Or something like that. Anyway, I think that's the whole point of everything so far.
Phrases that I've been using way too much:
Sweet Mama Pajama!
Monster in verb and noun form, i.e. "Man that lane 49 is a monster!" or "Dude, I'm over here straight monstering these lanes."
Ridiculous
Also as a side not, Donato Alphonse D'Elia is quite possibly the coolest man alive. And as soon as I find a gift appropiate to his greatness, I intend to surprise him with it. Hmmm. . .of course it won't be much of a surprise anymore if he reads this. Uh. . .D.A. if you read this try to forget that I said that.
That is all.
Seriously. . .
Now you're just getting pathetic
Go do something else!!
You didn't go do something else did you?
Okay, okay okay fine, you can stop shouting encore. Uh. . .here's one last thought. Then seriously you're going to have to go do something else. As I get older I notice that my confidence level rises. Situations that used to make me nervous (and start sweating like I was running a marathon) now have little to no effect on me. Coincidence? I think not. Okay that was a thought now begone.
Begone I say!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Okay, okay. Yes, I'm fine. I just was having a bad few weeks there. But I'm in a full recovery (well maybe not a FULL recovery)and I'm doing well. Which of course, is a good thing. Either way, I'm really hungry, and I have to do something for dinner so this is going to have to be short and sweet. Like this is going to end right now. Well, right now. Well right now. Well. . .wait this is a never ending cycle of stupidity. I'm outta here!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
My whole world's up. . .side down
I am low. The lowest I've ever been. I don't know what to expect anymore, I don't know what to be anymore, and frankly, I don't know anything anymore. The worse part of being in a valley is climbing back to the top. Eventually, you have to leave, and then when you do. . .well, things are what they are I suppose.
Ever feel like giving up? Ever feel like you're fighting a pointless battle? Then we're on the same page. I'm going to go do something else. . .
sorry to end on such a bleak note. Uh. . .banana creme pies. That's the best thing I got for you right now.
Since when did being alive count as a positive?
I am low. The lowest I've ever been. I don't know what to expect anymore, I don't know what to be anymore, and frankly, I don't know anything anymore. The worse part of being in a valley is climbing back to the top. Eventually, you have to leave, and then when you do. . .well, things are what they are I suppose.
Ever feel like giving up? Ever feel like you're fighting a pointless battle? Then we're on the same page. I'm going to go do something else. . .
sorry to end on such a bleak note. Uh. . .banana creme pies. That's the best thing I got for you right now.
Since when did being alive count as a positive?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
One love, you're lucky to have one love, it sounds bugged, drinking wine from the same jug, one heart, one mind one soul
As I get older, I believe more and more that there are certain people that you connect with. Rather it be some rare combination of personality traits that sync up well with yours, or if its because of some physiological hard wired experiences in your brain that you share, I feel like there are just some people that you always will be connected to. Not in the mystical sense, because that, my friends, is bologna, but in the sense that you what you look for, what makes you smile, what makes you feel a sense of loyalty, in short, what you want other human beings to be, may be, and indeed can be, encased in others. Some people will say that certain people are special, maybe they just sell your particular brand of charismatic, either way you want to explain it, it happens. And when it happens, it would almost be foolish to walk away from that connection. Because in life, we are all in a dark void, reaching out for something, for someone who will make us feel as if we are important, or as if we belong. We all want someone who feels how we do, who agrees with us, or who just understands where we're coming from. Finding that person is an uphill battle, finding someone who really cares rarely happens, and when we find even one such person, we should never forsake them, or take them for granted. Rare is the person deserving of such loyalty, and if we can find even one person who deserves to be treated as such, maybe just maybe, we can find happiness in ourselves. Loyalty is hard to define, so is friendship, and love is a word we may never truly understand in our imperfect capacities. But that surely doesn't mean that we shouldn't try.
As I get older, I believe more and more that there are certain people that you connect with. Rather it be some rare combination of personality traits that sync up well with yours, or if its because of some physiological hard wired experiences in your brain that you share, I feel like there are just some people that you always will be connected to. Not in the mystical sense, because that, my friends, is bologna, but in the sense that you what you look for, what makes you smile, what makes you feel a sense of loyalty, in short, what you want other human beings to be, may be, and indeed can be, encased in others. Some people will say that certain people are special, maybe they just sell your particular brand of charismatic, either way you want to explain it, it happens. And when it happens, it would almost be foolish to walk away from that connection. Because in life, we are all in a dark void, reaching out for something, for someone who will make us feel as if we are important, or as if we belong. We all want someone who feels how we do, who agrees with us, or who just understands where we're coming from. Finding that person is an uphill battle, finding someone who really cares rarely happens, and when we find even one such person, we should never forsake them, or take them for granted. Rare is the person deserving of such loyalty, and if we can find even one person who deserves to be treated as such, maybe just maybe, we can find happiness in ourselves. Loyalty is hard to define, so is friendship, and love is a word we may never truly understand in our imperfect capacities. But that surely doesn't mean that we shouldn't try.
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