Tuesday, December 28, 2010

2010 is gone already?

That's right kids its time to feel old. We're ten years into the new millenium, the 21st century and what have we accomplished thus far? Let's run down some of the highlights of the past year, in a little tribute to one of my favorite movies.

The Good

Lets start with one of the recent headlines.

Some German doctors cured AIDS. Seriously...if that's not something doesn't go down in history as beng important this year, I don't know what will. AIDS. Despite what you may have been led to believe by Magic Johnson's amazing life, AIDS kills people. And while they haven't found THE cure, they did manage to cure AIDS. Its a step in the right direction.

The Saints won the Superbowl. I know, I know technically they won the 2009 Superbowl, but they won it in 2010 so...I'm counting it. They brought hope and happiness to a city that had undergone so much trying to rebuild. But that's only a drop in the bucket of what that win meant. The Saints had never won a SuperBowl. Drew Breeze managed to do something Archie never could. And in the process, I think completely cemented his place in the HOF. He's definitely a first rounder.

Staying in the world of sports, here's the good. Blake Griffin has begun his rookie year, and he started it by becoming the king of the highlight reel. Don't know who Blake Griffin is? Allow him to reintroduce himself. The sick part about the kid is that this should have been his sophomore effort, had it not been for a season killing knee surgery that took place before he even got on court. After seeing so many explosive athletes get taken under by injuries, its good to see one succeed, especially one as ridiculous as Blake "The Great Light Hope" Griffin.

2010 was the year of the domesticated rapper, with Drake and Kid Cudi leading the way. No more verbal threats and stories of drug deals gone wrong. Now suddenly rappers are talking about being depressed, lonely, the struggles of trying to be successful, and how they just want to be happy. And you know what? It's refreshing. I personally don't really relate to rappers who talk about slanging rocks on the corner. Its a new century, and the majority of rap's listeners don't respect the dope boy like they used to. So what if you sell drugs? Can you spit these bars? Big up to the lyricist movement (Charles Hamilton, J. Cole, Big Sean, Wale, B.O.B.) coming in with this, with more rappers being openly jovial and intelligent about the world and how they choose to disseminate it.

Kenan Thompson on SNL has finally hit it big...well SNL big. He's finally found his niche and he is killing it. Don't believe me? Watch this and tell me you don't laugh.

The Bad

This was a bad year to be a head coach in the NFL. Two coaches lost their teams and lost their jobs, and there are at least three more in the hot seat. What happened? Well the Cowboys came out and just flat out underachieved. There's not excuse for that, for them or for Phillips. And the Vikings pretty much let Brett Favre throw their coach's job to the other team, not to mention anonymous players in the Vikings organization coming forward to ESPN to bad mouth their coach. Maybe its the upcoming CBA that has all the players riled up against the coaches, or even against THE MAN!

Waka Flocka Flames. I will not dedicate more than a few sentences to this dude. But he...just wasn't good. I can't label his music ugly though, because those beats are fire! Its hard to hate a dude when his songs get you so amped. I'm sorry, I can't.

And...the Ugly

First on my list of ugly, one Mr. Antoine Dodson. He, in and of himself, is not an ugly person. But he has made some decisions to land him squarely on this list. First, I understand that he was just doing an interview and somebody heard it, autotuned it and made him an web sensation. I'm not mad about that. I think it was funny, even though I will say it appears to be funny at the expense of Mr. Dodson and impoverished, uneducated black people everywhere (much like blackface) but that's not why this is ugly. That's simply bad. Here's the ugly.

That...is so...I can't.

Let's just move on.

SNL...What happened to you? You used to be so beautiful. And now all of your sketches are flat, your homerun hitters are dialing in performances, and the people who YOU held down because they weren't "ready" are the only bright spots in your show. The best sketch on a show that has Live in its title really shouldn't be prerecorded. Speaking of which, I hear Justin Timberlake wants to join up. I want to see him on the show, but I'm afraid even his buoyancy won't be able to pull the Titanic that is your show out of the ocean of mediocrity. And I know that analogy isn't fair. Because at least the Titanic could blame a glacier. What was your glacier?

A man walked into a school board meeting and opened fire on the people he believed to be responsible for taking his wife's job before eventually taking his own life. Why? I think the ugly part about all of this is that it was caught entirely on tape and of course it was all over youtube and the media. If I post a snatched video of a mainstream artist, it gets pulled down in minutes, but you let this man's last insane minutes stay up? Sure we don't see him kill himself, but we see him discharge a firearm at the school board members. I'm guilty of adding to the spread of that video, since I posted it here and on Twitter, but in retrospect, I wish that we could've respected that man and his life and never let that video into the public eye.

Honorable (or dishonorable) mentions:
Leann Rimes got pregnant by another woman's husband and is marrying him? UGLY!
Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanson are divorcing after only two years of marriage. Bad.
Healthcare bill passed but may still not make it because of the party shift within Congress UGLY
The sudden surge and swell of the Tea Party members? UGLY!
Scott Pilgrim vs the World (the Movie) didn't recoup its budget in the box office despite being ambitious, well-made, having an established fan base, and a 81% fresh Rotten Tomatoes rating. This is why good movies continue to not get made. You people deserve an UGLY for this one.
Tyler Perry promises to rebuild an 88 year old grandmothers house in Atlanta after it catches fire...Good and yes it does pain me to say it. That house is being paid for with blood money.
Shanahan benches Donovan McNabb for not being physically or mentally sharp enough to run his system? UGLY

And finally:

Kanye replaces his bottom row of teeth with diamonds...diamonds, ladies and gentleman. I can't even label that.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I can't say this enough:

violence is never the answer. I don't care how bad your life is. Stop the madness.

Don't be this guy.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

April 06, 2005

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

You know how people talk about the glass being half full or half empty? I personally don't agree with that particular illustration of pessimism and optimism, but it does help us to understand that there is more than just one way to view things. For instance, if I'm a waiter, that glass of water signifies more than just water and air. That's the walk I'll have to take to get the pitcher of water to fill it up some more. Maybe I'm an athlete who's just finished working out. That's a glass that I'll want to drink. Maybe I'm a basketball player holding the glass on the bench. That glass signifies either my remaining rest from a hard night's work, or something for me stare at in shame as some younger guy takes my job from me. Hey, different strokes for different folks.

The same thing can be said of just everyday life in general. Some people swear that nothing ever goes their way. And honestly, I can relate. Life is full of small events that add up to larger events, and while a large event may go well, a handful of small events going bad can ruin an entire day. All of us have had what we'd call, not-one-of-our-days. Days when nothing's going your way. I know I've had those days. I've had those weeks, and maybe even those months. But its really all in how you look at it. Sure some things really are bad, but you know what? Most things can be looked at positively. So you spilled your soda on yourself? So what, it'll dry, you can wash it out, and being embarrassed about it only needs to last a minute afterwards. Car accident? That's why you spend all your money on car insurance. If you're alive enough to worry about it afterwards, and if you're not hurt congrats. You just won a new (to you) car. Granted, you've paid for it with your own money, but take the check and go find a car you like. Get fired from your job? Yes, but chances are either A)you deserved to get fired, in which case, you now have time to really introspectively think about that, or B)the job was unfair, and even then why would you want to work at a place that unfair anyway? Got laid off? Make a resume, turn it in, and use the extra time between jobs wisely.

My point is, sure life is hard. There's a lot of harsh realities that we have to face everyday. So why sweat the small stuff? Sure I had to clean pink lemonade outta my car today, but at least I got it clean. And yeah, I paid two bucks for Gatorade at Samuel Walden's Market, that the cashier never bagged or handed to me, even after I specifically ASKED her if she gave me everything. But so what? That's why I work, so when money goes away, I earn it back. In the long run, I'll still get my gatorade, I'll just have to pay more for it. Its all in the outlook. I'm not saying see the world through rose coloured glasses, and that there's nothing bad at all in the world. Oh, no, things like death, poverty, terminal illness, and immorality are indeed bad. And being robbed isn't fun, but if you live through it, they didn't take what mattered. And that's your life.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

All the "-Ism's" Are NOT Alike

Why is every case of discrimination in America compared to racism automatically? Am I the only one that thinks this marginalizes what the black race has been through, and continues to go through on a regular basis?

I feel like I should first start this post off by saying that yes, I am biased. That's right. I'll admit that I'm human and I'm more sympathetic towards certain types of people. Everyone is. I honestly can relate more to someone who is in the same position as I am economically, physically or emotionally. For instance, in a conversation where parents talk about their children and how hard it is to be a parent, I have no input and truthfully I can't relate. My entire opinion on the subject is, "well maybe you shouldn't have had children". That's it. I'm single, and that same line of reasoning occurs when a friend calls me and complains (this doesn't happen much anymore either) about how much his wife is getting on his nerves. Well, maybe you should've thought about that before you got married. Those are the breaks. So when it comes to bigger overlying social issues, I am willing to admit that, yes, I am biased in how much I can really empathize with people who are dissimilar to me. However this knowledge means that I personally feel that I should put forth more effort to learn about how hard it is for people who are not like me, so that at the very least, I can have an informed opinion, and not just say something ignorant or biased.

As a black man, I am well aware of the many social struggles of my race. As a child, I was told first person accounts of the fight for integration, and of how even after segregation was no longer legislated, it was still enforced in a much more covert and subversive way. Am I scholar on the trials and tribulations of the black race as a whole? No. But I do have a thorough understanding of what happened in that time period. So when I see articles where some pundit comparing a form of discrimination to the struggle by black people for equality in America (a fight that is still ongoing)it bothers me a little. Here's why.

I didn't choose to be black. I was born black. I can't pretend that I'm not black. And most importantly, there's nothing I can do about being black. If you can't insert your discriminated against group into all those sentences, then their plight is not similar. Am I saying that these groups don't have the right to equality, that they don't have has hard a fight? No. What I am saying, is these groups are cheapening the struggles of black people by using them as their rallying cry.

What started me on this rant is an article i read in The Week (which by the way is one of my favorite news journals. Its fairly objective. In my eyes at least). In an article speaking about fattists and how a growing number of people are being discriminated against because of being "overweight" or "obese" (which coincidentally, fat people activists, or fativists, feel are socially loaded terms) it quotes Josh Shahryar as saying letting a former anorexic write about a television show depicting fat people is "like asking an on-again-off-again KKK member to critique Roots." (Read his full statement here)

Really? So discrimination against fat people is comparable to what black people underwent? Really Josh Shahryar? I don't think a history lesson is in order, but I have yet to see anyone hang a fat person. I don't think anyone's burned a cross in the yards of the new fat neighbors. Am I saying they're not being discriminated against? No. I agree wholeheartedly that we as a nation really do come down hard on fat people, and they are mistreated. My race is much maligned, but right now, being black is far more accepted than being fat. So I get it. But a KKK member, to this day, would tie me behind a pick up truck and drag me behind it until the asphalt ran red with my blood. To compare being fat to being black in this context is to cheapen what black people have gone through, simply to prove a point, which didn't even require an example that extreme to prove.

And last I checked, being fat was a health issue. It may very well be genetic. But you know what? There are procedures and programs to help people who are fat to come to terms with weight control. I don't care how much I run, work out, or have surgery, I'm still going to be black. I'm not black because I've gotten too black to try to lose some of this black, I was black when I was born and I'm going to be black when I die, which coincidentally could probably be at the hands of some racist police officer who didn't like the fact that I'm black. So, Josh Shahryar before you start shooting off your pen and writing in uprage about how much like racism fattism is, remember this: racism isn't some history book chapter that we can all look back on and laugh. Racism is still happening. And to belittle it so that we'll take mistreating fat human beings as equals more seriously is even more offensive than a cross burning in my yard, or a job not hiring me because they don't feel comfortable around black people. Its the same type of ignorance, and for someone who is a self-described activist you sicken me.

To fat people who have stumbled on this blog, I say, I respect you as human beings, and as long as you are humans, I won't make fun of you, judge you, or discriminate against you. But please understand this: my struggles as a black human are not your struggles as a fat human. They are not lesser or greater, they are simply not the same. Please don't cheapen what I go through, or what my family members went through by asserting that they are the same.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Auburn vs Oregon

I've got to be blatantly honest with you. I've been looking forward to this day ever since Alabama took a loss, and it became evident that Auburn was going to have the best chance to represent the SEC in the national championship game. I am an Alabama fan first, and an SEC fan second. I really don't like Oregon, and I hate how much every sports analyst and writer can't seem to stop praising their speed and their "explosiveness" and how they are the best team in the nation, ad nauseum. First let me state, that Oregon is a great team. They do have a lot of quick offensive players, and they are ranked number one in the nation. The question remains, though, can Auburn beat Oregon? Let's take a look at their record shall we?

Strength of schedule doesn't count, I know, but you can measure how talented any undefeated team is by looking at how well other teams have fared against the teams they've beaten. Oregon played New Mexico, Tennessee, Portland State, Arizona State, Washington State, Stanford, UCLA, USCalifornia, Washington, California, Arizona and Oregon State. They've outscored their opponents 529 - 221, meaning an average game score for them is 49 - 18. That's just impressive. I can't deny that. But as you scroll through their opponents you'll notice something interesting. As a whole, Oregon has only played two top ten AP team (Stanford and Arizona) and was ranked at least top 10. Defensively, you can only claim that Stanford was their true defensive test. Stanford's defense allowed 17.8 points per game for their opponents. Oregon, even though they have a considerable number of shutouts, has only managed to allow 18.4.

I don't want to miss the point that Oregon put up 52 points on one of the nations top ten rated defenses. (Check the stats here) Auburn, as a contrasting example, played Alabama (14.1 pts/game) LSU (17.8/game) and Clemson (17.8) and managed to win by seven points or less in each case.

Statistics show that Oregon can put up points, and that tends to make who they're playing one-dimensional, as the other team struggles to keep up with the Duck's offense. Speaking strictly statistically, Oregon should win this game. The only edge I can give to Auburn is they have faced truly stout defenses and beat them on several occasions, while Oregon's closest game came against the Golden Bears, a near loss which came in large part due to the Golden Bears running game shredding the Ducks smaller defense, which really reveals their only true weakness. If Auburn's Cam Newton, who has shown that both his arm and his feet are valid weapons in any situation, can do what he does best, the Tigers may very well be putting a bittersweet end to the Duck's season.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Its My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

Jesus wept. Its the shortest verse in the Bible, and therefore the one that almost everyone else knows. But think about it for a second. Jesus didn't cry. Jesus didn't tear up and then look away. Jesus WEPT. Whether or not you believe the Bible's account of Jesus, one thing still remains: the mainstream Christian "hero" (if you will) wept. He gave way to tears. So if someone that so many people respect and even follow could break down crying, why can't a man today do the same thing without being mocked?

I'm not saying that I'm emotional. I'm not given to tears, I rarely get my feelings hurt, and my gamut of emotion is stereotypically male: I experience and express anger, frustration, disappointment, and relative happiness. Does this mean I've never cried? No. I've cried on several occasions, some more obvious than others. I've cried at funerals, for obvious reasons. But I've also cried at movies. I'd like to pretend that this isn't the case, but there are a few movies which actually made me cry. Now stop for a second. Right now, the majority of you reading this just passed judgement on me for crying at movie. If I were female and I told you that I'd cried at say, the Notebook, most of you would be understanding about that. You'd even agree with my emotional response. ("Yeah, the notebook was a pretty sad movie." "The ending is a tear-jerker" etc.) But as a man when I say that I cried at the end of the Notebook, (which, I did) I get labelled as being soft, or even less than masculine or effeminate. In fact, after disclosing this knowledge in casual conversation, I either have to defend my masculinity to a doubtful audience, or convince everyone I'm talking that I'm not just saying that to be funny and then defend my masculinity. But why is crying considered a feminine trait?

Tom Hank's character in A League of Their Own yelled the now famous line, "There's no crying in baseball!" When you think about it, that supports the stereotype that men don't cry. Sports are by and large considered a masculine endeavor. I'm not saying that girls don't play sports, nor am I arguing that they shouldn't. What I am saying is that the societal standard for children is that boys play sports and little girls who play sports at a young age get labelled as a "tomboy". That's why there's no crying in baseball. Its considered a masculine sport, and men don't cry.

On the TV show the Bachelor, Jason Mesnick cried on air, repeatedly, and his tears apparently were polarizing. When ABCNews talked to soldiers about whether or not it was okay for men to cry, they found two camps. One felt a man shouldn't cry unless a limb or a life was lost. (See the whole story here.) As a whole our society is split on this matter, but the general consensus is that a man only has tear ducts to wash dust out of his eyes.

What do I think? Men cry too. Its okay. To quote the Black Guy Who Tips podcast, "Man...stop hating." And start crying. It just might make you feel a little better.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

If love was a company, it would be up for a government bail out right about now. When I say love, I don't mean just relationships, though I'm going to focus solely on them as a indication of the love disappearing. But I'm really talking about love. I feel like JT singing "where is the love?" wasn't just a pop hit. Check this statistic. According to divorcerate.org the current American divorce rate for first marriages is about fifty percent. Fifty percent? That means one out of every two marriages will fail. When I look at my friends who are married, while its not at fifty percent, I can see marriages falling apart and being absolved. More and more people are against marriage after considering these statistics, preferring to live together because ultimately, why give someone half your stuff, or even for that matter all of your heart when the odds are 1-1 that you'll fail?

So, whose fault is this? Why aren't men and women in relationships getting along? Over the years, it seems that the changing societal norms and gender roles have upset some type of balance. While listening to a podcast, one black man postulated (you like that word usage right?) that black women weren't worth someone's relationship efforts. He felt and believed that dating a white woman is easier, and having to search for a black woman who is the "right woman" takes longer, so why bother? I think this shows an underlying current as to why relationships fail. NO ONE WANTS TO WORK.

Let me reiterate please. No one wants to work. Who told you that relationships were supposed to be easy? Last I checked, NO ONE is perfect, and NO ONE does everything the same way. Any relationship you have, and especially the serious ones, takes work. WORK. Case in point: I live with my sister. We get along okay. And by that I mean she does at least two things a day that make me grind my teeth. But its okay. You know why? Because I know she puts up with what I do. For every preference I have, I know she has her own, and the reason we get along is because we understand compromise. And in any relationship, there will be compromise and there will be work.

Also, I think its too easy to get out of relationships, because we've made it too easy to get into them. How many people make what should be serious commitments based on weeks or even a few months of information? Marriage is serious. Its not meant to be done blindly, or without any serious knowledge. When the vows say "til death do us part," that should resonate with the people making them. No one doubts how serious death is. When someone decides to commit suicide to get out of a situation, how many times have we thought, "was it that serious for real?" Because quite frankly, if you have to DIE to get out of something, THAT'S serious. I don't need to say that if you die, that's a wrap for you. Life is over. Just me saying those last few statements proves my point. How many of you felt that was unnecessary? I thought it was, because honestly, while I was typing it, I was questioning why I felt the need to type it. If you take marriage so seriously, that getting out requires seppuku, then guess what? You'll start working to make that marriage work, or maybe even think about those two words ("I do") before you say them. Now I'm not saying if the other party is abusive, emotionally (by cheating or verbal abuse) or physically, that you have to stay with them, in those cases I can understand separations and divorces, but if you're not compatible so you want out, that's on you. You had your entire life to decide who you wanted to marry, if you didn't take the time to truly figure out if you and the person you've decided to give everything (or in the prenup case, half to three-quarters) to, don't whine about how it didn't work out. And if you are in a horrible relationship, if you're both maintaining fidelity, and both working to make each other happy, are you seriously telling me you can't make it work?

Another thought on that same subject: at what point did we get too proud to be willing to give? If you're not willing to give, not willing to please anyone other than yourself, you will find yourself, by yourself. In other words, eventually, in a relationship the other person is going to want something from you. And its not much of a relationship if you're not willing to give them something. For some reason, and I have noticed this to be more prevalent among men, its a bad thing when you make sacrifices for your mate/spouse/significant other. I think it stems back to the idea of getting "played" or "used" by women with evil intentions. Some men are, for the most part, afraid of being taken advantage of that they refuse to open to anyone. I can't even begin trying to break apart the psychosis behind that, because honestly it hits a little too close to home, i.e. I'm guilty of it and I'm not sure I'm ready to climb down from my soapbox and work out my own issues in this public of a forum.

Ultimately, until we as individuals, learn to confront our individual demons, and actually try to meet each other halfway, or maybe even a little farther than halfway, we're going to keep having this loveless epidemic. I hope we get it together and get together.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Is a scholarship enough?

In light of the recent Cam Newton allegations, I can't help but wonder, is a scholarship truly payment enough for college athletes? It seems like time and time again, we hear of talented college players struggling to resist the temptation to take money that can help them and their families. Truthfully, its a flawed system at best. If a college student, say one who was gifted at computer programming, earned several academic scholarships based on his intelligence and merit, and perhaps a former alumni, recognizing his talent tells him he'll pay for his books if he goes to his alma mater, there would be no problems with this. The only thing that makes this different is the type of scholarship, the type of student. I think it goes without saying that a percentage of student athletes come from "poor" families. In these cases, the pressure of waiting for a payday that may never come can proof to be too much for these young men and women. So why not pay them?

My argument for the present system is that the colleges ARE paying the athletes. Scholarships aren't cheap, and as long as you make the team and keep your grades up you get five years of college. Look at this table for the University of Alabama's tuition. Out of state tuition? $36257. How many people can truly say they earn that much a year? Student athletes also have access to personal strength trainers and high class practice and work out facilities. All of these things cost the university money. So from the perspective of the University, the athletes aren't playing for free. But having said that, let's take a second to really dissect how much money the universities make from games.

I'll stick with the University of Alabama for this example. Bryant-Denny Stadium, the official bowl of the Tide has an official capacity of 101,821. The nosebleed seats in that stadium are roughly $45.00. I know, I've been. Let's assume that as the average ticket price. If Bryant-Denny Stadium sells out, that's a revenue of over $4 million dollars. Of course, that's offset by the cost to maintain the facility, groundskeepers, and such, but after all is said and done, there's a solid chance that the UA is pocketing at least a million dollars on each sell-out crowd. And even when they're not sold out, 70,000 people still fetches a nice profit. And that's JUST the football team. I'm sure the football team is the biggest program for them financially, but the amount of money they are able to make off essentially minimum wage employees does smack of injustice, if not of outright exploitation. And this doesn't even bring into account how much money the University earns from BCS bowl games.

Either argument carries weight, but ultimately, I lean towards the idea of a college scholarship, and a chance at an education being something far more valuable than a paycheck. Most student athletes will never make it to the professional level. And in the cases of Division II and Division I-AA, they have less than .01% of a chance to become successful professional athletes. But what they do gain is an education, something which in these times, is a step in the right direction. They also have a chance to earn a decent shot at maybe even climbing out of a cycle of poverty and helping successive generations of their family to attain higher levels of wealth. I'm not saying that college education is the salvation of the impoverished, but it certainly helps.

On a different note, do I think Cam Newton did anything illegal within the constructs of the NCAA requirements for student-athletes? I don't know. When it's time to vote for the Heisman, do I think he should win? Undoubtedly. At this moment, Cam Newton is the single best eligible college player. And even though the Heisman mentions "integrity" thus far, all that has been leveled at him have been poorly worded allegations. To deny a potentially innocent young man an award he has honestly earned would be just as detrimental to the spirit of the NCAA as awarding to someone who didn't deserve it. And Cam Newton has earned and deserves to win the Heisman with his play.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

If you're tuning in for some wonderful deep thoughts, turn back. Today is all sports for me. And as we all know, I have no deep thoughts when I get started with sports.


First let me point out that I approach the NFL as a fantasy head first. This means I am stat oriented, but only the stats that score fantasy points. So do I care about the percentage of passes thrown towards a particular cornerback? No, UNLESS that cornerback is matched up against one of my fantasy WR. One thing that I have learned from fantasy football, though, is stats only take you so far. There are certain things that stats don't measure. For instance, when we talk about offensive linemen, there are no real "stats" that measure a lineman's ability to do his job. Of course, there are the QB pressure stats (i.e. how many times the QB has been touched, hurried, sacked) but if you have a QB that isn't mobile, those stats are inherently higher, whereas if you're Philly, I'm pretty sure hurries don't count for much.

The reason I bring up stats is mainly due to the Tennessee Titans claiming Randy Moss off the waiver wire. As readers of this blog may know, I am an erstwhile fan of the Titans. I say erstwhile because they refuse to pay their players. I cite Derrick Mason, Jevon Kearse, Albert Haynesworth and Steve McNair, amongst others. I wasn't surprised that they claimed Randy Moss, though because he's one of the top five WR deep threats in the NFL (if not the best) and he's only at $3 million for the rest of the season. That's a no brainer. But why is Randy Moss available as a player? If you look at his stats, you'd have to be crazy to let him go. But its what he does on the field that there are no stats for that explain why he was waived by the Vikings, and traded by the Patriots.

Randy Moss is an excellent WR, a ridiculous blend of speed, hand skills, and a knowledge of precision route running, even though, I realize most of his routes are indeed straight lines. But what Randy doesn't do is play hard. Case in point, I've personally witnessed Randy Moss, while in the Vikes uniform, give up on a play. Against the Cowboys, Brett Favre tried to force a ball to another receiver and got intercepted (surprise). The Cowboy's defender ran by Randy Moss with the ball, and Randy DID NOT tackle him. Randy didn't even try to tackle the defender. Its that attitude that gets you cut from a team. If I was a head coach, or any coach for that matter, if I saw Randy give up on a play, he'd be complaining about playing time, not how much money he was getting. And I think ultimately, that's what happened with both of his teams.

Having said all that, I'll make a bold prediction for the Titans. They will play Moss this year, and next year, when its time for a new contract, Randy will be back on the free agency market. And I don't know if there's a team that will want to take the risk of paying him more money for his version of effort.

Superbowl Predictions

Needless to say, its a bit early to start predicting what teams are going to the SuperBowl. But that's never stopped me before. I'm going to first say that if defense wins championships, the Steelers have the best shot in the AFC, followed by Baltimore and the Titans. Their defenses are playing spectacularly, and (for the most part) keeping them in games. The weakest of those three of course are the Titans. I like Chris Johnson, he's a running monster, and Vince Young continues to improve as a quarterback but they're not Superbowl ready. In contention in the AFC is the Patriots and the Colts, or as I like to call them, the Perennials. Saying they're in contention is like saying that Elvis and Michael Jackson both reinvented pop. Its a no-brainer. I'd be remiss to leave out the Jets and the Chiefs, both playing good football, but I don't think they are contenders.

The NFC is not quite that simple. The NFC is full of underachievers, slumbering giants that should be better than they are, yet somehow have played themselves out of contention. The best squad in the NFC is the Atlanta Falcons. They have a great defense, a smart capable young quarterback, a power running game, and most importantly they know how to win games. They know what side of the bread their butter is on, and they give you a steady dose of what they do well. I think the only teams who have a chance to stop them are the Eagles, the Saints, and quite possibly the Giants. Each of those three teams have good enough defenses and excellent quarterbacks but are lacking in several areas. The Saints are banged up at running back, and even though Reggie Bush isn't a prototypical running back he is a serious offensive weapon for the Saints and they need him back. The Eagles aren't banged up at running back, they simply don't have a "running" game, and I wonder how a team so pass happy intends to eat clock when they have to. And yes, I've seen their version of a screen. I'm not impressed. Of course, they have Michael Vick, who is finally playing up to his potential. The Giants are an excellent team, but for some reason they tend to not show up for certain games, and you never know if you're going to get a Superbowl-caliber team, or grown men playing like they belong in a Pop Warner League. Also, lets not forget the potential knock out swings from non contenders the Cowboys and the Vikes. They may not make it to the show, but if they can get their respective ships righted, they'll be poised to crush a few dreams.

So my obvious Superbowl picks are the Falcons vs the Steelers with my holy crap picks going to the Eagles or the the Giants out of the NFC and either the Chiefs or the Jets out of the AFC

An honorable mention goes to Jason Campbell and company (The Raiders). I've been rooting for this kid ever since they questioned his arm at the combine his draft year, and he responded by throwing a fifty yard pass flat footed. I don't think he's gotten a fair shake since going undefeated as a college quarterback and NOT getting a title shot. He's learned at least seven different systems and has shown his intelligence and athleticism in each of them. I hope the Raiders value him and give him some stability, because that's all he really need to be a real star quarterback in this league. Add in a monster running team and a blossoming defense and we might finally have to apologize to Al Davis for all the senility jokes. Well I might.

Parting question:

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Racism? Or Marketing?

McDonald's is racist. The only way I could possibly explain this statement is in the choices that McDonald's made in advertising during the eighties and nineties. We all saw the Dave Chappelle take on the Calvin works at WacArnold's commercials, and what most people don't realize is that those commercials were based on true advertisements. For some reason, McDonald's felt that black people getting jobs there was the end of poverty in America. How much does McDonald's actually pay, that working there, even as a manager, means that you can now move your family out of the hood? I'm not dissing black McDonald's employees, because I'm sure some people have actually supported their family working there. But is McDonald's really supporting the black community by giving them jobs flipping burgers and dropping fries? How many black people work at McDonald's? According to a 2007 McDonald's fact sheet, 20% of McDonald's employees are African American, and 13.5% are owners/operators. This sounds impressive at first, but 13% of all Americans are Black. Because of affirmative action and equal employment, those percentages have to mirror each other. If McDonald's really was all about the Black community, wouldn't these numbers be higher? I'm not saying they should hire only Black people, but shouldn't those numbers be slightly higher if they truly are that committed to the Black community?

Another question this advertisement raises: is Calvin who hangs on the corner just a few years of hard work at McDonald's away from being a legitimate American citizen? What about college? Are black people only good for serving biscuits and hamburgers? What about black doctors, executives, architects? Am I taking this too far? I saw this commercial at 10 years old (it originally aired in 1992) What if I didn't have any positive influences in my home, or adult role models who stressed the importance of education? What if I honestly bought into the idea of serving food as being a goal in my life? I'm not knocking people who work in the service industry. I've worked in the service industry, but ask any waiter or waitress if they feel as if what they're doing is a "career".

This goes back to the idea of racial stereotypes being reinforced by advertisements. When you see tech guys in advertisements, how many of them are of Asian decent? When you see nondescript athletes, (non-famous) how many of them are black? These aren't necessarily "harmful" stereotypes, but they are stereotypes. Should every black person be athletes? Can't white people run and catch well too? Aren't black people capable of fixing your computer or being up on the latest gadgetry? How many Axe commercials show black guys musking up and getting chased down by young white girls? Remember the movie Hitch? Eva Mendes was given the role opposite Smith because the moviemakers were worried about the public’s reaction if the part was given to a white or an African American actress, according to Smith. The actor is saying that it was feared that a black couple would have put off worldwide audiences whereas a white/African American combo would have offended viewers in the U.S. Think that racism doesn't exist in mass media still?

As consumers, we have to bear in mind that we can hold corporations responsible. When we give corporations money they feel that their advertisements are working, and we are in a sense, participating in our own manipulation.

Spread the word.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Retro Blog:

All The Beautiful People


Allow me to make a point. I was thinking late last night, during one of my incessant spells of insomnia (which I blame for my present mental state) and I thought of several different things. First, if sounds were images, they'd be transparent. When you listen to music, you can hear lots of sounds blending together in sweet harmoney. If you could create images from each of those sounds, the only way to really symbolize the sweet sweet harmony would be if they images were completely transparent. In keeping with this theme, I'll say my daily stupid phrase, sound waves are transparent or invisible to the naked human eye. Though really if you distort sound enough, I'd imagine its effect on the air and the particles in the air could be documented. My other thought was my overwhelming joy in not being a "beautiful person". Fortunately, my name is not on the list, and I don't have a walkie talkie, (guess that song reference!) because frankly being beautiful isn't enviable. I guess I should clarify. I've come to theorize that there are two types of "beautiful" people in this world, (well two types I care about right this moment) and that's effortless beauty and insane beauty. You see, effortless beauty is just that. Its a person that awakens from a deep slumber and is still beautiful despite the fact that in actuality they've just woken up and their features are insanely distorted. These people take showers, shake their hair out, and walk about life, astounding us with their raw beauty. We all know people like this, people that we've never in our entire lives seen have an ugly moment. We all have ugly moments, but these peoples must have theirs early in life, so as to not have them when it counts. Bravo, I say, to these people, and I add in a very fake golf clap. You are indeed genetically superior to me in every way. Please note my biting sarcasm and my complete lack of disregard for your feelings. Chalk it up to being beautiful. The rest of us ugly gigantuan heathens get to mistreat you out of sheer jealousy and envy. Of course, that brings us to the insanely beautiful. These are similar to the effortless beauties, but they have to put forth effort. The person they are when they wake up and the person they are in the two hour time span that lapses are as dissimilar as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. They all carry a cleverly designed facade to fool us into thinking they are effortlessly beautiful. But if you watch them carefully, its really rather obvious that they are not. The hypoallergenic scrub they carry in their pockets, the gel and styling mousse strewn about their personal space in their efforts to keep their hair controlled and stylish, and their inability to arrive anywhere on time. All of these clues points to an insane amount of energy being expended in order to maintain a high level of beauty. These people are the ones that order the salad at restaurants, eat half or a third of it, and then take the rest home and feed it to the dog. Or give it to me, an ugly. Sometimes uglies ascribe to be insanes, but it often just fails in a complete mental and nervous breakdown, culiminating in the ugly person being found in a pool of his/her own styling products. Its a horrible thing to have happen, especially if its to someone you know. I've known uglies who crossed the line to beautiful, and let me say the amount of dedication they put to being a beautiful is nothing short of horrendously hilarious. I find myself torn between offering them a way out of the torturous ordeal that they have put themselves through, and doubling over in gut-wrenching laughter at their vain attempts. If you told them they were an insane beauty, they wouldn't believe you, because they are so far down the path of no return, that even the blatant and honest truth could not save them. To all the beauties of the world, I'll be sure to remember my place and wait on you hand and foot as your ugly servant for the rest of your natural lives. Which for the insane ones will extremely short, or the majority of it will be spent trying to maintain that effortlessly beautiful look.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


(Sometime in 2008/09 I didn't look)

Be the Bigger Person? Why?

Have you ever just wanted to be bitter? I suppose most people don't have to consider what it would be like. They just are. All my life, I've been taught that being bitter is selfish. That mistreating others to make yourself feel better isn't the "noble" thing to do. Be the bigger person. Ironically enough, I'm always the bigger person physically, and yes, I know that isn't what that phrase means. But whenever I do something that is competely and totally vindictive, when I alienate the object of my bitterness, when I crush some tender feeling, when I walk over some poor soul, when I give in to the "selfishness" that is bitterness, I have to be completely honest. It is the single most delicious feeling known. It makes you feel so alive, you just want to do it over and over and over again. There is nothing better than revenge. It is a dish best served, cold hot or otherwise. Trust me, I'll take a dish of lukewarm revenge over any other. That having been said, I am remiss to include that I competely hate being that guy. I am not a vindictive person by nature. I take that back. I am a vindictive person by nature. I am also conflicted because I'm a really nice person. A very nice person. Maybe not the nicest of persons, since everytime I want to do something nice, I hate doing that nice thing. It is a constant struggle to treat people the way I know they should treated. That being said, I cringe everytime I think of doing something that could be relegated to the "wrong" category. Its this battle of right and wrong, good and evil, light and dark, whatever analogy you would impose, it is this battle that I think ultimately defines me. For every moment that someone thinks I am being mean, and I deny it, I always am, somewhere in my mind. I'm driven to do what's right, but often times, I am compelled to ignore that drive. Maybe that's something every human deals with. Maybe not. But I do know this. I am willing to admit I want to do what's wrong sometimes. If that isn't your thing, if that offends you, then I suggest you take a serious assessment of who you are, because you are lying to yourself if you honestly believe you don't have the urge to do what's wrong. Am I condoning doing something unacceptable? No. I'm condoning accepting your weaknesses for what they are. Weaknesses. And once you know your weakness, you can begin to lean on your strengths, and even overcome the weaknesses you have.

Grow up.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

So Start Talking

We all know that money talks. We live in a capitalist society, one that is fueled expressly by consumerism. But as consumers, we forget about the power we have. We always think that we need to express our power through the republic of America (yes, the republic. This isn't a democracy. Don't act surprised.) and through voting. Obviously I'm not saying to withhold taxes from the government. That's illegal, and written encouragement to do that is sure to land me in jail. But in most non-illegal situations, I'd like to think that we could exercise our power as consumers. For instance, think about fans of teams that consistently lose and make poor decisions. I'm not picking on the Raiders, but lets discuss Al Davis.

As a whole, can we agree that Al Davis is pretty much the greatest problem the Raiders face? In fact, the SuperBowl run with the Raiders was the worse thing that could have happened to them, because it validated Al Davis and his personnel decisions. And the Raiders have suffered since. So what is a fan to do? STOP GOING TO THE GAMES! If you really loved your team, you would stop supporting their bad decisions. I'm a Titans/Falcons fan (Titans when they came to Nashville, and the Falcons since I've been alive) but when they started kicking quality players, instead of paying them, (Jevon Kearse, Eddie George, Derrick Mason, Steve McNair, etc) I quit supporting them. Are they still my "team"? Yes. Do I buy tickets and merchandise to help fund their (in my opinion) poor decisions? No. In non-sports example, I don't eat at McDonald's because many of their marketing decisions in the 90's were, in my mind, racist. I stopped eating McDonald's in 2000, and (with one exception) haven't eaten or given them my money since. Some would say that McDonald's has thrived and isn't missing my money at all. But what if my entire block had started boycotting? Or my entire neighborhood? City? Am I saying that I want to topple McDonald's as a corporation? No, they supply jobs for a lot of people in a time when jobs are rare. But do I want them to realize that they are held responsible for their decisions as a company, by the consumers? Yes. The same thing applies to fans. Hold your teams responsible. If they're making decisions that are clearly financial in nature, and NOT geared towards winning, make your voice heard through your dollars. Stop financially supporting the team. If enough real hardcore fans stop giving the teams more money when they make poor decisions, they'll realize that they are not immune to responsibility and are somewhat subject to their fanbase.

Ultimately, all I'm saying is you have a voice. If you want something to change, you have the power to make your voice heard through your dollar. Money, itself, doesn't talk, you do.

Leave a comment, or email me.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Real Men Exfoliate

Come with me on a little journey, if you will. I'm in Walmart, buying body wash. The cashier asks me if I have a girlfriend. At first, I'm kinda flattered, even though the cashier's not that hot, then it hits me why she's asking. I use Dove Body Wash. Dove Extra Moisturizing Body Wash with Gentle Exfoliating Beads to be more specific. And the Dove Gentle Exfoliating Beauty Bar. (for my face. I don't care how gentle Dove says those Exfoliating beads are, if one gets in your eye, its a wrap) Reading this, you must think I have horrible skin problems. I don't. I use Dove, my skin is phenomenal. Am I proud to be a heterosexual man who cares for his body? Yes, and I think I should be. Where is it written that men can't take care of their skin? I lift weights, I run, I exercise, and that's all "manly" (in fact so manly that most chicks who lift weights are afraid of looking like men) but when I decide that I don't want to be wrinkly at 30, suddenly I'm feminine? I shouldn't have to go through the self check-out line and avoid eye contact like I'm buying porn mags every time I want some body wash.

Where and when did this line in the gender sand get drawn? And if I cross it, am I breaking some societal rule and risking being a social pariah? Exfoliating isn't some type of gateway act to being feminine. I'm pretty sure that little girls don't start exfoliating and then puberty hits them. When it comes to gender its set in stone, or more specifically, in DNA. You are what you are. Ask any straight dude if he wants to look good. He'll say yeah, I do. Ask him what he does. Weights. Exercise. But what else? Not much. Up until the nineties, some dudes didn't even shower. How'd we go so wrong? At the turn of the century, being a gentleman was all about fashion and taking care of yourself. Men rocked perfume, bought creams that kept the skin "smooth and supple" and understood that being rough was for poor people. Maybe there was some sort of revolt against the aristocracy of the upper class and so now, unless you're rich, you don't bother with that "uppity hygiene stuff" anymore. Don't worry about revolting against the rich, trust me, they get theirs in full. Haven't you seen Titanic? I bet every employee on that boat got off (with the exception of the captain) and the one poor guy I remember dying was Jack and that's only because of Rose being selfish with that door. (He could've gotten on another piece of debris or something. I watched three hours of movie to see the one dude that was kinda cool die?) But I digress...

All I'm saying is be a man, not a boy. Take care of all of you, not just your muscles, and remember, having soft skin doesn't make YOU soft.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Borderline |||||||||||||||| 62%
Histrionic |||||||||||||| 54%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 54%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Dependent |||||||||||| 42%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

That's all the stuff I got wrong with me. Enjoy.

Monday, October 18, 2010

So here's something I posted on Facebook. Essentially this came up during a "discussion" about Ben Roethlisberger while I was in class. My professor (the amazingly loud and all around excellent person, Kristen Scroggins) got pretty unhappy with me saying that we can't assume guilt in the case of either party. I basically got chewed out, which is okay with me, I don't do shouting matches. And even if I did, I have no way to actually out loud Mrs. Scroggins. Seriously, she has the lungs of an opera singer. And from what I understand, she actually is a great singer. I wonder if she googles herself frequently. In the event that she does, I want to point out that the fear of her finding me saying horrible things about her doesn't frighten me from saying them. I honestly could not say a bad thing about her. She is the savior of my college career, and I will probably tell stories to my children about what she has done for me and my college career. Anyway, here's my written thoughts. I'll expound a bit more.

My only concern throughout the discussion deals with our legal system being based on assumed innocence until evidence proves otherwise. I'm all for locking up the guilty, and making sure they are punished for their crimes, butdoing so by using due process. If we just start locking people up because they "look guilty", or have had past offenses, what's to stop someone from assuming because I'm black that I must be a criminal, or because you've been convicted, you are incapable of repentance? As a person who's had unpleasant experiences with police on numerous occasions, I dont relish the kind of world that punishes first and asks questions later, because I've seen first hand the effects of assumed guilt, and I know what it feels like to be treated as if I've comitted a crime when I was innocent.

So here's my point. The justice system is flawed. But its what we got. And guess what? Its not getting any better. If you have the money, you could kill your ex wife and her lover, throw the gloves you used, and drive down the the highway the speed limit and be straight. Or be a raging alcoholic and coke addict and get caught multiple times with drugs and alcohol and never do any real time in jail. I know the system is flawed. I could backhand a dude who just hit my car and because I'm poor, I will do extreme amounts of jail time, AND I will probably have to pay dude for his pain and suffering.

This goes back to a conversation my father, his neighbor, and I had about the fact that black people on the whole DO NOT call the police. Its because for years, the police were like the mongooses (mongeese?) to the cobra of the black people. They're the natural predators of black people. Dave Chappelle said it himself, if he got robbed, he wouldn't call the cops because while he doesn't have the nicest house, but its too nice for the cops to believe its his. That's just the point. Are all police like that? No. But do all black people love chicken? No. But enough of us do that it's a stereotype. But I digress.

The justice system is corrupt. But it is what it is. If you want justice at some future point, you really need to start making the money now. Then you too can pull an OJ on your ex wife and her new boyfriend.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

So. . .its 4:30 in the morning. I'm tired. And I don't really have anything to "say" per se. I mean I always have something to say, I just have anything to "say". You see the title of this blog contains idea of "Deep Thoughts", Granted the "Other Assorted Candies" part is there, but really, that's just my attempt at being funny. Which, since this is what, year six? seven? is actually kind of an old joke. Like Tony Bennet. BING!

Seriously though, at this point we've all seen We Are The World 25, (in honor of Haiti) and have probably thought, why is Tony Bennett involved in a song that includes, Rihanna, Pink, Akon (which by the way, is short for A Convict) T-Payne, and Little (Lil?) Wayne. Why is Tony Bennett even involved in this masterpiece? And how can that many people singing about Haiti even make a dent with Tony Bennett involved? That guy is pretty much a hazard to the idea of music.

Do I hate Tony Bennett? Of course not! That lounging son of a gun is pretty much the only reason I wake up every morning. See what I did there? (Another old joke. I'm on fire today)

On another note, I'm typing up an updated resume, and I hate to admit it, but it reads like a how to guide to failure through dropping out of college. One of my favorite job interview questions is "So, did you just start school late?" To which I say, "Uh, no, actually I went through an unfortunate drop-out phase." Which I follow up with, "during which I learned more about myself, who I am, and what I want. I worked hard, physical jobs, and while I don't oppose hard work, I have found that my mind will ultimately serve me longer than my body can." See? Prepared. Until someone asks me something other than that one question. (Interviewer: So your name is Javann? Me: Uh. . .I guess. . .is that what I wrote?)

Okay, that's enough rambling for today. Oh AND Star Trek is an awesome movie, but seeing Spock run with those bangs flopping in the wind, PRICELESS."

No, seriously, this is it.

Stop reading.

Go outside and do something with your. . .okay, you know? Keep reading.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Thursday Jan. 20, 2005
So the running theme is Javann tells stories that make him seem to be a bad person, or at least give some type of enjoyment to the people who come to this site. So what should I tell now?

So here's a story.

I'd set this up, but its much easier to just go into the long and short of it. Here's the scene: my car's in a field, its dark, I can't see my hand in front of my face, and my driver's side front tire is busted. There is no cell phone, and civilization might as well not exist, because I can't see it. Maybe because it was dark? Who knows? The truth of the matter is that I was in a bad fix. Did I mention its 11:00 or so? No? I just did. But I'm Javann. Javann Jones. Man of action and adventure, and this tire has no power to stop me from driving my car. So my first inclination is to get out of the field. I crank my car and it starts and away I go! Right into the curb. And I'm stuck. Then it hits me, to pop a curb you need air in your tires. And my driver's side tire just barely failes to meet that requirement. That's what four years of collegiate education will do for you. As I literally wished death upon myself for my stupidity, I decided I might as well break out the jack and lug wrench and try to make the most of my predicament.

That's when I notice, its cold. Not a problem. I have a jacket. A leather jacket. I'd hate to get that jacket ripped, and my shirt too, so I pull both off and continue in my T-shirt. Sure its cold, but this experience will only be worse if I damage my jacket, or my shirt. At least that's my thought at the moment. I can't even wear that stupid shirt anymore. As I fish around my trunk, throwing books and notebooks aside, I come to a horrid realization. I don't have a lug wrench. I threw my jack aside and dove into my trunk with full fledged passion, because my lug wrench HAS to be in that trunk. This night can not get worse, because if it does, I may have to kill small animals for food. And we all know that won't go over too big with PETA. And I'm all about making PETA happy. Still no lugwrench. I look down the road and I see exactly what I see behind me. Road. Great. I grab my jacket, lock my doors and I start walking.

As I walk, I wonder which is more likely to happen. Me going into someone's house at 11:30 at night, or me getting a lug wrench from someone. One is asking to come inside someone's domicile as a potential robber, the other is me asking for a blunt instrument to beat them down as a lazy mugger or murderer. I go with the lug wrench because if I decide to keep it, its only theft, as opposed to getting shot for attempting theft. I see houses. I start knocking.

The first house, the second house, and the third there was no response. The fourth house had a window next to the door. And there she was. The lady of the house sitting at the ill-placed computer playing solitaire. Her addiction to playing cards solo was her undoing, because as soon as I knocked, I saw her look dead at me. Oh that's right, I'm huge, black, and at your door, and I KNOW you're here. You can't just shrug it off and hope I leave. We just saw each other, you have to deal with me. She comes to the door as if I were a ravenous wolf, and she was a sheep whose sole protection lay in keeping the door as in between me and her as possible.

"Uh, do you want something?" No, I always walk up to people's doors at eleven at night for no reason. Do I look that dumb? No wait, do you look that dumb? Actually yes. Yes you do.

"I had a bit of car problem, and I'm in need of a lug wrench. Do you have one I can borrow?" Note I said BORROW.

She goes and gets her husband who comes downstairs in his robe. With his hand in his pocket. Oddly enough, he never took his hand out of that pocket. Think he had a gun? I did. That's why I moved as slowly as possible. Sudden movement might have gotten me shot. You'd think that was my only close contact with a gun that night, right?

Wrong. I get back to my car with the loaned lug wrench in hand and start jacking my car up. Do me a favor. Go to your car. Look at your jack. Notice that long screw? Imagine turning that thing till the jack was raised more than three inches of the ground. Now you understand my pain.

My pain didn't last long, since a cop pulled up to serve and protect. At least to protect. And by protect, I mean himself because the first thing he did was pull his gun. Excellent. I'm going to get shot for wielding a dangerous. . .lug wrench. Well, not tonight because I dropped it.

The next bit is pretty self explanatory. This is getting long, so I'll wrap it up. First I had to kneel on the pavement with my hands behind my back. Then I got cuffed. Spent thirty minutes in the back of the cop car. Which by the way, isn't designed to hold someone comfortably. I guess if you're a perp, you should be comfortable, but it'd be nice if I'd not been in a plastic chinese body trap. There was also country music. Thirty minutes of it. My body was in discomfort and my ears were in worse shape. I hate this state.

Turns out I scared somebody, pretty badly. And they called the cops. The rest is pretty much history. I made it home. I got lectured for being irresponsible. I went to bed thinking how much that night would forever be the worse night of my life. Thus far its held its place in my memory as the worse night of my life. I'm sure somewhere there's something out there hoping to dethrone it.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

So do you want to know me? Sure ya do! So here's a Jung Myers-Briggs. I think it has changed with time, partially because I'm really starting to know me way better than I did when I was younger. I used to get ENFP. Now I'm at ESTJ. . .or ENTP. . .go figure.

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||| 66%
Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||| 43%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||| 46%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 56%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 60%
Your main type is 8
Your variant is sexual
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Now you know. =)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

And as usual I come back to my blog when I've nothing better to do. . .or think. . .or whatever. Honestly, I have to admit while I do enjoy Twitter, nothing fills my need for calm self reflection like blogging. (smirk) Yeah I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, as per usual, its time for the introspective end of the year questionaire. Where I basically encapsulate my year into about 2 pages of thoughts. In Q&A form no less! (see my exclamation point? That's me trying to get you pumped up about this. Its not working is it?) For those who aren't regulars, this is something I do every year before the end of the month of January (though we are seriously pushing it this year aren't we?) and the parenthetical statements are sometimes in the third person. Because. . .well. . .because I write them that way. (bombshell) Anyway here we go:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Realize that being a college drop out was a horrible life decision.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sorry, I don't resolve anything much less during new years.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Uh, yeah, Wendy Olmeda-Brazelton. Now if she googles her name, (like everyone else does) she'll see where this mention happened. Yay. Wait that wasn't supposed to be sarcastic. My bad.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. And like all death, it hurt to say goodbye.

5. What countries did you visit?
America! Yay!

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A college degree. A better job. And a healthy adult relationship with someone who doesn't leave me scarred or try to "shape" me into what they want. . .sorry just a little of a rant there.

7. What date(s) from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Uh August 11, 2009. Cause that's when I lost my dropout status and went back to college. . .yeah it really was that big a deal to me. Speaking of which. . .

8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
Eeally? You don't know already?
9. What was your biggest failure?
I have a fear of rejection. And that fear has cause me to avoid taking risks. Giving in to that fear has been my greatest failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, but thanks for asking.

11. What were the best things you bought?
Uh, clothes. OH and an exhause manifold.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Any friends that I still have that put up with me and all that's entailed with that.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one's. High five.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Car repair. Thanks American engineers. You really did it this time.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going back to. . .okay I think we all get it.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Uh. . .Try It Again - The Hives because I listened to that album (The Black and White Album) almost every morning on the way to class and normally about the time I would be searching for parking that song would come on.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) happier or sadder? Happier. A little more stressed.
(b) thinner or fatter? Thinner (way thinner)
(c) richer or poorer? richer. In experience. WHich I hope counts for something.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saving. I know it sounds old, but dude if I'd just saved more money. . .

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Somewhere dark quiet, and thankfully non-festive

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Ha ha ha no. But guess what? There's always next year. Wokka wokka wokka!

23. How many one-night stands?
I've got this nice plastic rubber maid storage drawer set that I keep next to my bed, had a five inch television on it, so I guess you can call it a night stand. And it is a singular.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I just fell in love with the Office, and finally watched every episode of every season on Netflix. I knew about it, and knew it was funny, but had no idea how funny it really was.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My list of abhorrance is only comparable to my list of mistakes.

26. What was the best book you read?
Comedy Writing Secrets - good stuff

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Hives. Much like the Office I fell in love with thema again

28. What did you want and get?
A new chance at a collegiate career (surely you saw this coming)

29. What did you want and not get?

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Zombieland. Hilariously well done.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got older.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Learning more. About anything.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Super hardcore preppy. I rocked argyles for the first time since. . .ever.

34. What kept you sane?
Who said I was sane?

35. Which celebrity figure did you fancy the most?
Kerry Washington. Rosario Dawson.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

37. Who did you miss?
Uh. . .um. . .I don't think I missed anyone.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
This one goes to Mike. Cool guy. Maybe this time next year, I'll hate his guts, who knows?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
Get up, get out, and do something with yourself.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Here is to you honey
But I'm out of your league
Never gonna pass me
'Cause I'm out of your league, your league, your league

Lookie here baby
You're coming my way
But I move like a landslide
So get out of my way and stay away

Up from the floor on the count of ten
Oh you get up, you get down and you try it again

Up and down and around again
Oh you get up you get down and you try it again
Up and down and around again
Oh you get up you get down and you try it again
Oh you get up you get down and you try it again
All right!

Time to learn a lesson
Like Pavlov's dog
If same-ing isn't working
Why don't you different instead, instead, instead

Like Samson and Delilah
Attila and the Huns
You're ready for a new round
Don't it look like it's gonna be fun, be fun

Up from the floor on the count of ten
Oh you get up you get down and you try it again

Up and down and around again
Oh you get up you get down and you try it again
Up and down and around again
Oh you get up you get down and you try it again
Oh you get up you get down and you try it again

They say the defenition of madness is doing the
same thing and expecting a different result...

That's right!

Doo wacko! Up and down
Doo wacko! Down and up
Doo wacko! Round for round
Doo wacko! Hit the ground
Doo wacko! Up and down
Doo wacko! Ah you get up you get down and you try it again
Down and up
Doo wacko! Ah you get up you get down and you try it again
Round for round
Doo wacko! Ah you get up you get down and you try it again
Hit the ground
Doo wacko!
Ah you get up you get down and you try it again