Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Well, its the end of the year. This has been a year filled with good and bad, much like every other year. Its times like this when I sit back and I think to myself, "Self, what has this year really brung?" This was the year that saw one of the greatest summers ever, and yet, it also brought one of the worse winters. I've definitely had a year full of memories and thoughts, and as I reflect back over this year, I wonder if I'd do everything the same way. I've done so much I wish I could take back and start afresh, and yet when I get the chance it seems I fall short of the goal over and over again. Maybe this is just a human imperfection, or maybe its just a lack of mental stability and will power on my part. As much as I'd like to blame all of these outside factors, I know somewhere deep in my heart, that this is the result of me. Every mistake, everytime I stumble, I can't blame it on anyone else but me. This past year brings to mind thousands of what ifs, just like all the other years past. But what we would all do well to remember is what if doesn't exist. We have to accept what we've done wrong and continue forward, because if not, we'll be constantly looking backwards while moving forward, and that always leads to some type of disaster. To make a long story short, or perhaps a short story shorter, we should all take some time to reflect on what this year truly means, and remember we have much work still to do. As each year passes us, we draw ever closer to the motive behind our urgency, and as we continue pressing forward, lets not forget to remember the past so as to straighten our futures. Spit some intelligence at me.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

HEEEYY!! I've got soul, and I'm superbad. Sometimes I feel so nice, good gawd, I jump back, and I want to kiss myself! OOOOOWW!! James Brown, definitely the man. Definitely. What's today? Tuesday is it? Well, nothing too big and hip to report, just the normal, been sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing, I guess I should be doing something, anything to make up for what I'm not doing, but oh well to that. And what am I talking about? Nothing really. I want to go do something cool tonight, but I guess I'll have to wait till tonight to see what crackalacks. Definitely into crackalacking, and all that. As far as the deep thoughts go, I've not had much lately, been taking in the James Brown, listening to him got me feeling funky. And walking around the house screaming. Or singing as I'm sure he'll call it. Anyway, I'm going to call it a day for now, I'll be sure to come back the next time with something a little better.

Saturday, December 27, 2003

So I must be in quite the introspective mood as of late, maybe its because I've really not got much to do out here housesitting but think. As usual my mind wanders like a lost sheep. While I was taking in the full richness of a 1080 interlaced digital movie, or rather movies, I was noticing that my mind was finding it hard to wrap itself around the plots that were laid before me. As I watched woman after woman after woman fall in love with man after man after man, I kept thinking, how'd that happen? They barely talked, they hardly knew each other. All she did was look at him for less than a few days and suddenly she's professing her undying love to him? He doesn't even really know her beyond the polyester and makeup. Does he realize that he's marrying into a lifetime commitment, one that shouldn't be taken so lightly? I guess that's why in all the sequels the bond that was formed is never still present. For instance, at the end of Shangai Noon, Roy and Chong Wan were in love with the Indian and the princess respectively. At the start of the sequel, Shangi Knights, they had long forgotten both. Roy was married to the Indian, and he'd left her in two days. It was shocking to Chong Wan, but not to me, because there wasn't a solid foundation. A few weeks with little talking, or a near death experience isn't what makes a bond between a man and woman strong. Its comparable to concrete, you can't just throw some water into the dirt and expect it to form into a solid, smooth, perfect parking lot. You have to prepare ingredients, take the time to mix the right amount of water in, and then pour the concrete just right over the course of time to really get the desired product. And that's why I think so many relationships end in disaster, because the couples involved think they can fall in love in days. There is no love on first site. Attraction yes, lust, yes, even friendship, but love, the bond of union between a man and a woman doesn't form on the first night. If you up to a woman or man that you've just met and say, "you know what? I LOVE you," he or she will freak out. Because there's no such thing as spontaneous love. I think the society we live in refuses to believe that. There's instant coffee, popcorn, fast cars, instant internet connections, buying and selling of millions of units of products all can occur instantly, so why can't this little emotion that cements the greatest relationship known to man also be in an instant? It doesn't work that way. There's no way that you can instantly learn how to do complex calculations, things like stoichiometry, calculus, or even just computing triangulation instantly. Even with a computer, it takes time, it takes programming and checking and more programming, my point is this. Love isn't an instant emotion, there is no way to "instantly" fall in love with someone. If you find yourself instantly falling in love, then something is wrong. Granted it takes more time for some than others, but in the long run, you will find that it takes some substantial period of time for love to develop. I'm not talking days, I'm not talking weeks, in some rare cases not even months. Love is an investment, you have to put in time and effort to develop it. At any rate, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't buy the instant love ideal that seems to be running amuck in the minds of the majority. Note that I said minds, and not hearts, because oftentimes the mind can fool the heart to believe that strong attraction we feel when we're around someone, that sudden rush that their presence brings, that doesn't mean that we can feel that way for years to come. Or maybe it does. What do I know? If I were such the expert, I'd be married by now and living life happily. Someday I'll understand. Till then spit intelligence at me.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Beauty fades, at least that what everyone tells me. Honestly, I think it would be better said outward beauty fades. Inner beauty comes from a person's personalities, perceptions, and the qualities that they've developed over the course of their life. At least that's what I tell myself in an effort to make up for my obvious lack of physical beauty. Maybe in the long run, those who aren't beautiful die before those who are because of their constant stress over whether or not they are beautiful to other people. Speaking of which what makes the difference between attractiveness and beauty? And don't say beauty fades. That's the obvious statement. I think more than just the outward appearance makes someone attractive. Ever known someone that when you saw that person, you thought they looked horrible. Then after talking to them, getting to know them, you begin to notice more and more that they didn't look as bad as you thought they did at first. You began to be attracted to them, not because they had a beautiful outward appearance, obviously, but because of their personality, and the common goals and likes that you shared. Of course, after some time away from the person, if you saw them again, suddenly you saw what you saw at first, and that's the hideous beast. Maybe I'm just shallow, or maybe I'm not shallow enough. Shallow people have it easy. They don't question how they feel or what makes them feel a certain way. They just go through life blissfully ignorant. They don't bother to look beyond a person's outward appearance, as long as the person is cute and can speak their language, its all good. There's no need for deep thought, or abstract reasoning there. As dull as that sounds, I could live life like that. My blog would be full of things that I did, or the shoes or clothes that I bought. As it is, you have to tear through overly structured prose designed to make the reader think. Is that such a terribly hard thing to do? Not really. Technically I spend my time typing the things that come into my head. As I have the tendency to say, my mind is a scary place. I've been trying to get out of it for years now. Anyway, that's about all I got to say for the moment, here's a cool link for ya. An ice cold link to be exact. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Call it a day, ladies and gents. I've not got a lot to say, just wanted to "check in", show a little blog love. As far as my day went, well nothing much went down. Played a few games, read a few books, so forth and so on. No real thoughts. But I will leave a cool link for you. Two actually. Link One
Link Two Trust in me and follow them blindly. Or don't. I wouldn't mislead you would I?

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

I don't know what you heard about me, but I wouldn't pull a blaster on me. I don't know why these droids want to try, I'm still a J-E-D-I! And thusly I sang as I attacked droid after droid in KOTOR (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic for the uninitiated) Alas, those droids did want to try, and even though I was a J-E-D-I, they still put the smacketh down to me. Which brings me to my point today: in video games as you go the resistance gets stronger, and you begin to think to yourself, "Self, this is getting insanely difficult, why should I go on?" At what point is hard too hard? In life or a video game, when do you say, enough is enough, and walk away? I'm not talking about committing sucide, so the worriers can rest easy, but if you're undertaking a task, say you were trying to lift a car, at what point do you say, okay, this car cannot be lifted, or okay, I need to just step back and do something else. Of course with a game, you can always just come back to it later, and pick up where you left off, no penalty, but life, well life's not a game obviously. The penalties for taking a break, if you will, are many and harsh. Often we pay those penalties without a second thought, but that doesn't mean that the cost wasn't great. The things we give up are often the things we undervalue, simply because we've never experienced or possessed those things. If I've never had my favorite meal, its really not going to be my favorite is it? And therein lies my point, if we give up, if we sign those things over with our resignation, we'll never truly know what we missed out on. And that is a risk, that no one can afford to take. Maybe I'm just a senile young man with too much on his mind, or maybe I don't have a point in the world. Who cares? I hope you do. . .spit some intelligence.
Mid week, and here I am. Still out at Jeremy's house, still surviving, though I've been having the weirdest dreams since I got out here. One of them made me so confused I woke up with tears in my eyes. The other one is probably most likely to happen. The first one was about an old girlfriend, I had this dream that the guy she was with died, and she came back to me. I was so torn apart, I was literally crying. Its making me tear up now thinking about it. If that ever really did happen, I always wonder what I'd do. Probably same thing I did in the dream, cry and enjoy. Ah, well the other dream is a lot more relevant, I was at a restaurant and when I came out, my car was gone. And I do mean, GONE!!!!!!!! Nowhere to be seen, just some glass on the pavement, and my MP3 player. Apparently the thieves didn't want that, figured it was a piece of crap, then I asked this girl for a ride, she took home, but my house was a farm, and Judi was there, and she was running around in the backyard, because we had sheep back there, and she said she loved sheep, so she was running through the flock of sheep. Meanwhile, back at the ranch house, me and Dad left for some supplies and while I was waiting for Dad to pick the supplies up this guy came along and kidnapped me and made me ride in a taxi cab with him. He was angry man, I mean really angry, kept spewing about how cabs mistreated black people, and a lot of racist stuff, then he kicked the cabbie out and he was speeding all over town, shouting disturbingly Islamic things at the black people in the street. We crashed and we took this cool little red retrocaddy, that had a Jimi Hendrix quote on the windshield, and a diamond in the back, digging the scene with a gangsta lean. Till my dad came and pulled him outta the car, beat him up and then we took that car home, and dad said I could have it if I paid him 3,000 for it and kept it up. And we argued about that all the way home, and to the end of the dream, cause I woke up then. So that's the dreams that have been making my sleep restless, seriously, because I've been real tired since I came out here, partially because I'm dreaming more out here. Which isn't shocking or anything, because I always dream more when I sleep somewhere other my bed. At least in my experience I do. Some of my weirder dreams have happened on someone else's couch. Anyway, I've got to be going so give my regards to broadway. And launch some saliva intellectual like.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

You know, Superman could afford to be a boyscout. He's invunerable. Whenever a villain attacked a tourist bus, or a boat full of innocents, Superman could easily say, we'll track him down later, right now, lets save these people's lives. Granted, Superman had some good qualities, but really, how dangerous is it for you save people's lives if the only thing that can hurt you in a crystalline growth not found on earth? If I were an alien endowed with special powers and red underwear, I'd figh crime too. Speaking of red underwear, Superman was a total glory hog. What self respecting super hero wears BRIGHT red and blue, with a large S on his chest. He might as well scream, "Hey look at me, I am the man of steel!!" And what exactly is the deal with his glasses? How can so many people assume that Superman is so powerful, he'd never backdown from a fight, or act so humbly? Wait a minute, let me take my glasses off. Okay, this is Javann here. Wait, let me put them back on, I'm Clark the dweeb, mild mannered and softspoken, yet of the same height and impressive build as Superman. Though our facial structure too is remarkably similar, as well as our inflection and vocabulary, you shouldn't worry, I wear glasses and I am meek and mild. Certainly not strong. That would be preposterous. Superman would never feign humility in an effort to disguise himself. Superman also wears his underwear on the outside of his tights. What were the artist's who created the costume of Superman thinking? What self-respecting man wouldn't wear his matching underwear where they could be seen? Either way, Superman is in need of much more than a makeover. I recall a time when they attempted to make him more popular in the comic books. The way to do this of course, was to kill him. Exactly my point. If the only way to become more popular and likeable to your so-called fans is to die, then I think its time to reconsider a new path in life. I could picture Superman filing books in a library or as a laboratory assistant, someone who blows on the volatile chemicals to keep them cold. However, Batman, now there's a real hero. Pure skill and deductive reasoning, as well as determination, and a decidely dark demeanor is what makes this hero four or five times better than Superman. Its an age old debate really, and apparently Batman wins in a fight between him and Superman everytime because Superman's not much of a challenge. And Batman is a formidable foe indeed. Either way, feel free to salivate some intelligence my way.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Nothing like a little time away from home to clear the head. Greetings visitors, thanks for taking the time to read whatever random thoughts I've produced. So what's new with me? I had a accident, I owe the man that I still think is in the wrong 300 odd dollars, and I'm staying out at Jem's house while he's away in Hawaii. I hope he has a great time down there, life here is still pretty crappy. I've got to settle the 300 dollar deal tomorrow, so more on that later. What else is new with me? Not much, I'm pretty upset about losing the money, but oh well, that's not the first time I've hit something in the car, I really should pay better attention to where I'm going and what I'm doing. Foolish man that I am, I might end up dead, or worse. That's pretty much all I have to say for today, I've really not got any real thoughts, just more or less trying to get by. Take it easy, knuckleheads.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

And then suddenly, everything became quiet and still. The wind stopped blowing and the songs of the birds died down. It seemed as if time itself stood still, as the blades of dying grass stopped arcing in the wind. There was nothing to be heard anywhere, a moment when all things waited. Watched. Strained to hear what was to be said next. My throat became dry, and as I tried to wet it by swallowing, I realized that at that moment, I had never felt more important, nor had I ever felt more afraid. There was so much to lose, so much to gain, and so much that I'd never really thought about until that moment. The wrong words uttered would forever affect my life negatively, and only by averting this tragedy would I pull the shambles that had become my life back together again. I could feel the phone pressed upon my sweating flesh, and I could hear the silent breaths on the other end. I was so free, and yet I could hear the shackles that bound me, that weighed me down as I struggled to sprint off into the sunset. The weight on my shoulders became so great that standing suddenly became difficult and I was forced to sit down. My bookbag slid from my shoulders as I tried to find some way to relieve the pressure that was welling up on my back. The breath in my lungs fled, as I tried to fight back all the surging emotions that had waited for so long to surface. All the nights I'd spent fearing this moment all rushed back to me in vivid technicolor, and for that moment alone, I felt righteous indignation, biting shame, unforgettable arrogance, and stinging humiliation. As I felt all these things swirl over my body, causing me to sweat profusely, I leaned my head against the window above the air condition unit that I sat on. I could feel the cool air hitting my leg, and I knew that my last vestige of happiness had officially fallen. As I sucked in the cool air, I knew that what I was going to say would forever doom me to complete and utter unhappiness. I'd never know what it felt like to be completed, to be whole ever again, and suddenly as the rage of injustice surged through me, I felt as if everything was suddenly against me, entrenched in my battle to be happy. And yet, I found that I didn't care. I felt as if I'd never care again, about anyone or the hollowness I was already beginning to feel inside. "I guess this is it. Its over. . ." were the last words I barely whispered as I stared at the increasingly blurry linoleum. "We're through."

Thursday, December 11, 2003

So, here I am. Back in the computer lab for yet another intriguing episode of "What's on Javann's Mind?!?!" Ever notice how narrow the subjects of songs are? There's only about three or four real subjects for singing about. Its rare that you see anyone singing a song about something other than
1) newly found love
2) lost love
3) partying and/or celebrating
4) intense emotional feelings
That's every song ever sang in a nutshell. And I'm not including all of those educational songs that Sesame Street or Eureka's Castle presented as a fun way to learn. There's nothing fun about puppets singing. Tragic, perverse, yes, fun, no. As of late, rappers have added a new type of song, (if you call what they do singing, or music for that matter) and that's grandiose bragging. There's nothing that spurs on a rap song than bragging about who you shot, or what other crimes you've committed in your quest for money, power, and ultimately a rap deal. I'm beginning to think that drug dealers are comparable to waitresses in Hollywood. They're all waiting for their big shot, but to pay the bills in the meantime they hand out substances to be consumed for the general pleasure of the buyer. Now guess which one I'm talking about. On the other hand, the world wouldn't be where it is now if it weren't for the beauty of music, in all of its forms. Of course, the world's in quite the condition, and I doubt any musician would want credit for bringing it where it is now, so perhaps that's not such a great statement after all. Blame my cynicisim, but I've been known to say that I'd not want the job of fixing problems, yet every four years or so, someone comes around saying that's exactly what they'll do. I wonder if politicians realize that there's no way they'll be able to solve all the problems and issues that are inherently attached to the jobs that they are striving for. At some point, they have to just say to themselves, "You know, world peace and ending world hunger really aren't viable goals. Lets just try to get re-elected, and then next term I'll have a steady job." You know, I wonder if they do that now? Of course, there's nothing I enjoy more than slamming my stomach up against a desk, I'll be happy to let you walk buy, you pompous. . .oh sorry, I'm distracted easily. What was I saying? has officially turned into selfish greedy suits, and dumped all of my songs off of their site. I had over 20 songs on that site, and not only had they restricted me to only putting three up at a time, but they now want are deleting those songs without so much as a by your leave. Don't feel obligated to take my hard copyrighted work seriously and at least warn me that these songs that I've so graciously allowed you access to are very soon going to go the way of binary oblivion. Far be it from me to expect you to store the content that you AGREED to store when I signed up for your service. Its your server, you can do whatever you want with it, and don't worry, I don't expect at LEAST an email warning me of the destruction of my creative properties. Wait, do I sound cynical, maybe even bitter? It just might be because I am a tad angry to find out that I no longer have access to the service that found so unprofitable. Oh well, its all a business, but I've also lost access to about three of my poems, I think there's an actual limit to how many you can store on, I remember having 41, and now I'm down to 38 or 39. Lovely, lovely, one of those poems was really very good, and now well, now its floating somewhere in binary oblivion. You have to love that. You just have to. That being said, I believe this to be long enough as it is, I guess this is where I'll call it quits. "But Javann, you said nothing of your day!" After reading this far into such a rancid bit of ranting, do you really want to know how my day went? "No, not really, but I'll be sure to spit some intelligence." You should do that, I'd appreciate it. And I'm reduced to talking to the voices in my head. . .wonderful. I'll go do something productive now, like take a nap.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

"I can't believe that you'd just turn your back on ten years of struggling, just because you feel as if you don't know me anymore. How could you know me? All you ever do is sit in that same spot on the couch and watch the television, over and over again."
"I might do more than that if you'd. . ."
"If I'd what? Take you out more? Everytime we go out, all you talk about is how horrible you look compared to another woman! I don't want to hear about your insecurities. . ."
"MY insecurities? You might as well call them YOUR insecurities! I'd never question myself if I didn't see the way that you look at other women. . ."
"And HOW do I look at them?"
"You look at them like a dog looks at a steak! I can see the hunger in your eyes. I can tell you'd rather be with them. It doesn't take a rocket scientist. . ."
"What do you mean, I'd rather be with them? I'm not with them, I'm with you, what more do you want from me?"
"Why don't you act like it then?"
"When I get paid, who gets my check?"
"Don't try to throw money at me, like I'm just some cheap lady of the night that you can buy off! I don't need your. . ."
"You don't need my money?!?! Then WHY am I paying all the bills? WHY don't you have a job? You were in debt when I met you. . ."
"No, I wasn't! I was paying all of that off. . ."
"Then you were in debt!! And now, YOU don't need ME? If anything, I don't YOU! Maybe I should leave, then you'd appreciate. . ."
"Appreciate WHAT?! You? You don't do anything but make me hate myself! I used to dress up nice and do things, go out and have drinks with friends. I never felt insecure before I met YOU!"
"I've never seen you dressed up nice. Not since I first met you."
"That's because you're not worth dressing up for."
"When I first met you, you were so beautiful. Ten years later I still remember it like yesterday."
"Oh stop."
"I'm being honest. I've never felt anything like what I felt that night. Do you remember that night?"
"Of course, I remember. You were so handsome. . ."
"But I couldn't hold a candle to you. You made me want to be a better man. I swore that night that I would do whatever it took for you to love me."
"I do love you. . ."
"Then why are we fighting? You know I love you, and that you're the only one for me."
"I don't know, I just. . ."
"Do you still love me?"
"I. . ."
"Do you?"
"I still love you, but. . ."
"Then let's not fight anymore."
"But. . ."
"But I've found someone else. . ."
"Someone else? Who?"
"Does it really matter? He loves me, I love him, we're going to run away together. . ."
"But. . ."
"But. . .I LOVE you. Doesn't that mean anything?"
"It did ten years ago."

Monday, December 08, 2003

My neck. My back. My neck and my back!! After a semi intense game of tackle football in which the objective was not to get hurt, here I am, hurting like nobody's business. I think I got whiplash. Anyway, the game itself was fun, it just prevented me from doing anything else that night. I was falling asleep at nine o'clock, something so rare for me that i forced my self to stay awake until four that morning. It makes a lot of sense, I know, but I've got nowhere to go today, and nothing to do other than study for an exam. And I've studied my brains out already, trust me. I will however, go have a late lunch somehwere, so I think, I'll close this out early for that purpose. I'm sure you're wondering who won the football game. I don't remember. After a few hits, my memory got real short, and I started seeing things that weren't there. Actually, I just didn't bother to keep up with score, other than I scored once I think, or maybe it was twice. I got my bell rung by Jon. I'll describe that before I go. We were about three yards from the TD and I wanted to run up the gut, so I started to run, but then I looked and saw two defenders waiting for me, and I didn't think I could power past them before I got dropped, so I swung to the outside, and barrelled over Tremaine (who was on my team, sorry Tre!) and whoever he was blocking (i think Jared) hopped on for the ride, and then another person did too, and I was dragging em thinking, yeah, I got this one, I'm taking two in for six. Then suddenly I hit the ground and my neck snapped like a whip and everything went black for a few seconds. I managed to hang on to the ball, which is really funny, considering how close I got to letting go of consciousness. Either way, I found out that Jon had come over and put a good full speed hit on me. Knocked my legs out from underneath me. Now that's good stuff. My neck hurts now from it. Oh well, maybe I'll see it coming next time and push through on him. Spit some intelligence at me, it seems I'm getting less and less intelligent by the minute.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

Okay, okay, so that last post was somewhat anger driven. I'm fine now really. I'm still not sure why I'm angry, or I guess I should say, why I was angry, I think it was the headache starting to get to me, I've had one for the last two days, and its not been cooperating like usual and going away. But anyway, so I'm sure you're dying to know what happened tonight. And I can't let you die can I? No I can't!! So we went to this party in Athens tonight. It was Aaron's graduation party. And if you hit up the last few journals, the last party was (though refreshing) Sunday through Saturday, if you feel what I mean (weak, if you don't). So I was hoping this would be off the chains. Disappointed I wasn't, the party was rather jumping, off the hook and chains, ya know? Glowsticks and dancing was to be had, and a good time was had by all. So after getting the groove on, shaking what my mama gave me, popping and locking and whatnot, we all go to the parking lot and conversate, socialize, and so forth when someone started kung fu fighting. (Huyh) Man those guys were fast as lightening (Hah). It was a little bit frightening (Huyh) but they used expert timing (Hah). Actually, we were all in the parking lot acting silly, and then Jeremy dashes over to Skyler's car, and I don't want to get left, so I hop in, and we take off. Did I mention this is Skyler's car, and Skyler's not in it. Skyler's running after the car trying to get in, and he's not doing a good job. So we take off down the highway, and we stop at McDonald's, turn the hazard lights on, so Sky can see the car. What happens after that is all kinda blurry. Somehow, Skyler gets to Micky D's, has a key to the car, Jeremy climbed out my window, and ran off, Skyler grabs me slams me, Jeremy dove into someone's car, they took off, and the next hour or so was Skyler chasing Jeremy vowing to do physical harm to him. He never caught Jeremy. The boy runs like a crackhead. That's my politically incorrect phrase for this blogging, the boy runs like a crackhead. Anyway, Jeremy finally gets back in the car, we headed home, and then there was McDonald's for everyone. Yay. And that was my weekend. Anyway, I'm officially beat, so I'm going to hit the hay. Feel free to leave your thoughts comments knowledge and general saliva.
You know what they say about tomorrow being a brand new day? That is complete and total crap. Tomorrow is worse than today, and will never be as good as yesterday. If I'm doing foolish and stupid things today, or if I'm starving and I can't find a job today, tomorrow will eventually be the day I die. Why should I look forward to tomorrow? I know this makes no sense, but I'm not having the best day today. I really just have alot of pent up anger, and I've no idea why. I've got nothing really to be angry about, but I feel like I'm going to snap at any moment. The day's not helping me, this is truly a day when you can savor a mood like this. There's none of that pesky sunshine to bother you, nor is there any warmth. Its a cold dreary day, begging to turn into a more cold dreary night. There's nothing like that to inspire depression or in many cases a nice hot rage, soon to be a boiling wrath. I guess I should simmer down, I've not had that bad of a week, and things are going good, but I have this desire to just rage on someone. I can't shake it, and I really would prefer to go out and unleash this nice anger some way. Oh well, maybe when I hop into the shower before I go party, I'll feel a little better. Later gators. . .wait, that's way too trite of an ending. Just go do something else.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

I've managed to erase two posts. I'm not going to let it happen to a third one. I had a nice rant about how I didn't like psychatrists, and how lazy and pathetic they are, but the truth of the matter is, I don't feel like continuing the theme. I also managed to be ironic involving Hardees. Trust me it was quite the posting. Right now after having typed so much and lost it, I'm ready to call it a day. And therefore I will. If you want a deep thought, I'm afraid you'll have to do it yourself. Sorry ladies and gents, sorry.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

SHA AZAM! Tis the second day of the week, and the second blog I've had the chore. . .er uh, I mean pleasure of typing up. So what'd I do today? Well, went to class (of course) and here I am back in my sweat pants and cold feet. Its nearing the end of the semester, things are getting tight, dare I say, dangerously so, as I strive to maintain at least some semblance of scholarly learning. Nothing much going on, outside of my normal cerebral ponderings (yeah I'm having a big word day). I was watching Spiderman the other day, and I started thinking about how we as humans express emotions. Why do we kiss each other? I mean think about it. We kiss each other, hold hands, and many other things, but really, why? Is there a physical reason why being kissed by someone makes us feel loved? Or that we feel secure when we hold someone's hand? And what about those couples who can't keep off of each other in public. Why does that repulse us, to kiss someone in public (well, it repulses me) and yet its okay in private? Really what defines public? Because if it were two or three people, okay, this is okay, but up the number and suddenly we are IN public. I guess I'm just a wonderer (in the good sense of the word, of course) and I will never really be satisfied with accepting things the way they are. Why not question the many "norms" of society instead of accepting them. Great minds take what society has given them, and the expound, expand, and create their own systems. Look at Einstein. He took the theories, the math, and the thoughts of that time, and carried it into a new direction. I guess this may not be the best example, but at this point I'm rambling without purpose, and well, its rather enjoyable, so I'll not stop. My point is, why don't we as humans question things more? One endearing facet of human life is the curiousity, the desire to learn, the endless quest for knowledge. But so many people are simply content learning what they need to get by, doing only what is necessary, in hopes of attaining happiness. But how can you be happy, when there is so much that you don't know? We don't understand or fully comprehend so many things in our lives, it really begs of us to ask, why? Why, what, where, when, who, how? Life could be propelled solely by our desire to know everything, if we truly let it. But the man who seeks the answers to everything, often finds the answers to nothing, since truly life is full of trivial vanities, social inequities, and ultimately, the greatest hinderance to learning, death. We could be more precise and specific in learning the things that are most dear to our hearts, but that route takes us back to the tunnel vision that is so prevalent now, because we realize that death is what forces us to try to squeeze all the happiness we can out of life, when really life's happiness comes from learning. Apparently, this paradox will hamper mankind until something is done to remove it. Either way, my deep thought concludes for today, I'm sorry the path to this finale was a tad twisted and curved, but the prominitories of my mind, of everyone's mind, runs very similar to the road that was followed here. Feel free to spit your own intelligence.

Monday, December 01, 2003

Well, the weekend's officially over and it finds me here, at Jeremy's house typing on his laptop. I know, i know, you're thinking, what the deuce has happened? Well, not much my friends, not much. There was a party over in. . .uh. . .well, there was a party. Can't remember where or doing what, but i remember it. At least that's what Ben told me. I was so convinced that I called my good friend, Jared, asked if he wanted to party, since Jared's all about the partying. So we all pack up in the car, and we drive up to Nashville, and beyond really, because, you know, its in Hendersonville. So we drive there, crammed into Jerm's car, which says alot about the extent that'd we go to for a good party. And we get there, get lost thanks to the guy with directions (Ben!!!) not being able to really read the directions. I'd say I was suprised but considering the deceit that he'd already laid down, I guess I should've expected that, since he was expecting a party too. At least that's what he told us. And he just deleted a ton of my save files. ARRGGHH!! Anyway, make a long story short, we got there and I felt old. Let me explain. I was old. I was the oldest person there, barring Kevin and Jeremy. And they left me there. ARRRGGGHHH!!! (twice) Anyway, I spent the night playinhg spoons and thinking, ah well, at least I didn't miss anything cool. Yeah, but I did miss my bed, cause I slept on Jerms furniture. Now my butt hurts. Oww, my butt. Actually its more like my hip, my neck, and my back. They all feel funny, really. And I'm hungry. Well, Jerm if you read this, I'm raiding your kitchen. You've officially donated to the FTBGTC fund. That's the Fund a Tall Black Guy Through College Fund. Thanks, I'll be sure to lock up before I jet. Thanks for the crash pad, man. Take it easy ladies and gents, don't forget to spit some intelligence on YOUR way out.