Monday, October 31, 2005

Brass Monkey/that Funky Monkey/Brass Monkey Junkie/That funky monkey

Aye. So here we are on Monday. For as long as I can remember, I've prided myself on having what I consider incredible weekends. You know, where you don't get a lot of sleep, you have a ton of fun, and then you spend two or three days just trying to get back to normal so you can do it all over again? Yeah, I love that. That's what weekends are for. What, did you think they were for rest? Relaxation? Yeah, I'll do that when I'm dead. Inject me with some cheese!

But there comes a time, when you wonder if you didn't do too much. Like Saturday. I went to sleep on Friday at two thirty or so. After hanging out at Jerm's for a bit, watching Indiana Jones, and then sitting around at my house trying to get sleepy. So I go to sleep, get up the next morning at six fifty, shower, hop in the car and go to work. I work from 7:30 till 4:00. That's right, a half hour shy of nine hours of work. I then go home and sleep right? Wrong! Wrong! I change clothes and go play football. Three touchdowns, two achy knees, and one seriously disconcerting dizzy spell later I head home. Finally to sleep? No. . .to shower and dash off to see the Legend of Zorro. Then to Logan's. And finally home to sleep. At about eleven thirty. An early night, I know, but well, I had to sleep at some point.

I'm usually against blogging for the sole purpose of talking about what I've been doing, but this proves a valid point for me. I'm tired. Okay, that's all I have to say.
You expect me to talk? No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I'm sorry like Atari/the cousin to Coleco/Chico de Barge he large/and got a lac up in the garage/a few parts here and there I declare hard/my lawd/one at Clark one at Spellman/both know each other they cool you can tell when/they walk up in a party women jump for joy/but all the while gentlemen scheming they gone jump the boy

So here's something you might not know about FedEx. Its a company. And as a company, its all about bottom line. Why am I even talking about bottom lines, companies, corporations and such? Because I popped a fan belt today.

But that's not it. I'm getting a new truck. I can barely contain my excitement. I'm serious. When they told me, it was everything I could do not to jump up and down and celebrate. And believe me, I wanted to. I wanted to run through the halls of my uh. . .whoa. Where'd that come from?

Maybe you don't understand where I'm coming from. My truck is old. Quite possibly older than me, though I doubt that. Its one of the first trucks in the Fedex Fleet. Well. . .the fleet here in Huntsville. Its seen fire, its seen rain. For instance, today, it started shooting coolant out of the dash (rain) and it overheated, leaving me stranded (fire). But that's not the first time this type of thing has happened to me. Me and my fedex truck have been on the side of the road many a time, and I ask you, can you deliver the world on time by foot. The answer, of course, is no. And don't try to be foolish and tell me yes, because that folly shalt no longer be invited into this forum upon which we stand. . .verily.

Also, I'm slightly irritated when people talk to me only to get a favor from me. That's not cool. Don't be that person.

Look at that! She's doing a horrible job washing that car!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

I was going to bake you a casserole for your loss, but. . .uh. . .I didn't.
Remember what I said about, you know, saying more as the week went on? Yeah, well, uh. . .I lied. Sorta. Actually, I failed to make good on that promise. So uh. . .whatever.

Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||| 40%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||| 53%
Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||| 60%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||| 36%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||| 26%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Your main type is 7
Your variant is sexual
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

In the place to be. What is the place to be?

Yesterday I had a headache that felt as if I had somehow managed to slow time down to an unbelieveably slow crawl, and then shot myself in the head. After taking five extra strength Advil, my temperature dropped significantly, and my headache went away. Lovely.

Today I woke up feeling quite refreshed, and went to work in a relatively cheerful mood. For some reason, I feel as if I'm finally getting the hang of things. Or maybe I just slept really well last night. Perhaps.

Not sure what I'm thinking now, if that's what you came here for, then you are to be gravely disappointed with what's happening currently in my blog. But not to worry, there'll be more as the week goes on and I get less content.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

What's it about? I don't remember, its twelve thirty at night, and I was just asleep.
Its one in the morning, and I just want to say, if you get a text from me at twelve thirty at night, do us both a favor and don't call me. Texting me back is cool, I have no problems with that since I can totally ignore that, but calling me back? That draws my ire.

Boils my blood.

Whatever. So now here I am. That's my only real thought, just felt like sharing that.

Its like the time
when it was night and you were there
and I was there.
And there seemed to be no care
not a worry or anxiety in the world.
Just you and me and boy and a girl.
And as we stared at the stars,
heavenly bodies intertwined like ours,
I realized I could reach up and touch them.
I pulled down the sky and wrapped you in it,
just so that for those seconds, that minute,
the lovely met the divine,
and I thought it must be a sign,
a sign that love is what it should be.
Love is sometimes what we can see
and sometimes what we feel,
and it all seemed surreal
and yet so real
I could touch you both, again. . .

Some call me unstable. I call them stable. They don't take that as an insult.

Darkness clouds this plane we live in
death comes for those who wait
and if you die tomorrow
no would care enough to cry
or would they?
would you're funeral be filled
with hypocrites who want your wife
who doesn't want the finer things in life
your casket is pine or mahogany
five years from now its wormwood
you know when you don't smell good
from dirt we came to dirt we return
ashes sprinkled out at sea
so little kids can go to the beach
and get a little taste of me
he couldn't swim in this life
so he never rented a boat
now that he's dead
he's learned how to float
it may seem morbid
obese or whatever and something
but if you die its really nothing
the dead know of nothing
not good at poker
but can you tell now if he's bluffing?
the only time he's got a royal flush
is when he becomes some maggots lunch
irony irony irony irony irony
that's what this is
how dare i sit here and make fun of the stiff
think they'll hear think they'll be missed?
of course they just might come back
and then what?
could you welcome them back?
they've been sleep forever
that's some serious morning breath
do they need scope or listerine
a few minutes in the latrine?
wouldn't that be a scene?
alright i'm done
i was so addicted, i threw it all away,
someone told me that someday
soon i'd have pay
and when i came got to someday
i was looking for someway
to continue my habbit
i gotta have it
its not a habbit
i'm so addicted what can i say?
folks told me i needed to pray
for a better day
but i'm in the corner anyway
whispering in my phone
don't leave me alone
even though i say go away
i don't need to be on my own
where am i going what am i doing
look at me who do you think i'm fooling?
myself and no one else is in on my game
because the look on my face is the same
i'm not changing in weight and my lips are still pink
and if you think i'm normal, well that's what you think.
my addiction is mental and its so hard to shake
but i don't want to i think i love the heartbreak
maybe you've guessed what's wrong with me
or maybe what you're wrong about is me
its so plain to see
what it is that i need
i'm addicted to
what did you think it was?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Nothing's ever promised tomorrow that comes today.

Remember that movie with Ben Stiller? You know, Mystery Men? I think that's a funny movie. The concept of superheroes who don't really have powers makes me life. Like, what if your power was the display of time? You could make numbers, the "correct time" appear and vanish. How much fun would that be? Your alter ego would be clock or time man, and you'd always be like, "Ask me what time it is!"

I'd enjoy that.

Monday, October 10, 2005

I've gotta secret.

Bright idea: Make seven individual CDs one for each day of the week. At least it seemed bright. It was idiocy in disguise. Because, well, frankly, I don't have the ability to follow through. Well, I have the ability, I don't have. . .the drive. Yeah, that's it. Five topping pizza, by the way, is a party. Prince said so. Its like when you read someone else's blog, and realize that your blog is really really boring. And that you live a boring life. That's what its like.

Man, I'm sore. I mean I really hurt. We played some football this weekend, and I "inducted" Jamaican into the society of American's who enjoy Monday morning quarterbacking, fantasy football, and large styrofoam index fingers. Sorry, ladies, now whenever Sunday rolls around, another man will be watching. I hold my stomach in laughter at your futile attempts to manipulate the men in your life into sensitivity and conversation. Sometimes, people say they have random thoughts. And then I reply, "I never get those. I pretty much mean to think." Nuances, its the little things that make life. If you know the nuances, you're in. You own everything necessary. All you need to know are the little things. The big things are pretty self explanatory, inertia, gravity, murder, blah blah blah, easy. The problem is the little things. The proverbial shades of grey (or if you prefer, gray). These are the problems in life. Sure gravity can kill you if you jump off a building. But gravity is why it rains. See, little things. The key to making sense is sometimes to make no sense at all. That doesn't make sense. I know.

Also, I've decided to buy a crossfader and two turntables. That's right, I know its totally cliche, but I'm not in the process of searching for the "wheels of steel." I'll be sure to update everyone on how that goes. Since I don't want to drop a lot of money for the stuff. That's the real problem. The money it costs for not one turntable, but two(!) and a crossfader. But at least I didn't say I was buying a television. What are you doing? Fighting the greatest evil there is son. But all you did was turn the television off. Exactly.

Friday, October 07, 2005

I am dragging. I've done nothing cool. I've got nothing witty to say. And I'm dead tired. This is not a cool time to be my friend, I'll say that much. Or to want to be entertained by me. Catch up with me in say. . .three days. I'll have plenty of entertaining things to say and will have done many things. Indeed.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

In an ever growing effort to "find myself" I've made it a habit to take a personality test every so often to determine if I am indeed becoming a better person. One that I like in particular is the Personality Disorder test from It helps you determine if you have any. . .tendencies towards mental instability. I've always maintained that yes, I have some mental instabilities, I think as humans, we all have our problems. Its admitting that we have a problem and accepting it has being the "rust" in our armor, or as some like to say, the spice in our life that most people seem to not get. At any rate, here's how I did.

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||| 58%
Schizoid |||||||||||| 42%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Borderline |||||||||||||||| 70%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 62%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Dependent |||||||||||| 46%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 30%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by

Feel free to take it yourself and tell me what's wrong with you.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I don't get good at this game until I've had a few drinks. Better get your wins in while I'm still sober.

Like all things, this weekend came to an end. Unlike those other things with ends, it was way too quick. I crashed, as usual, but not at the end of the weekend, say, Sunday night. Oh no, I crashed Friday, and I skidded forward until Sunday night. I finally was able to pull myself out of bed and headed on down to the Jazz Factory, where I took out my frustration with my innately imperfect limitations on poor Jughead. No, I didn't beat him to a pulp with a cue stick, but I did savagely beat him at pool. After a few games, I then went to Sonic's listened to music, and wondered what happened to my weekend. I was supposed to go see Serenity. I didn't go see it. That's right, I didn't. And now, according to Tremaine, I missed the greatest scifi movie to grace the screen in some years. There was a time when I was easily able to stay awake all weekend with no problems. That time has come and past, and the partying can never last. Wake me up, when this whole thing ends.

To my credit, I'm a much better singer than songwriter. Not to my credit, I'm a horrible songwriter. And not much better at singing.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Last night, a friend (who'll I'll call Jamaica for anonymity purposes) and I had an argument. After watching House of Flying Daggers, he felt that one of the characters was motivated by logic in his actions. Of course, I think that he was motivated by emotion. Come on. Emotions are some of the most powerful things that any human being can experience. I just don't understand how someone can be motivated by solely by logic. As anyone who's ever read my Keirsey results will tell you, I am ENFP, with a really strong feeling (or emotional) side. 88% feeling to be precise. What does that mean? My main motivation in life is feeling. If something doesn't make me feel right, I don't do it. Case in point. I'm at Walmart with Jamaica, looking for a cashier to ring up and get out. There's a line where I will literally be next. There's a buggy in the way. No one's attending it. So I step in front of it, put my beer down (that's right my rich delicious Yueng Ling lager) and wait. The person who's using the buggy comes back. Now, don't get me wrong. I am a man of decisive action, and I'm also strongly into the deal agenda. I do something that makes you upset, yeah, well deal. You don't like me? Yeah, well deal. Oh, you want to start something because I parked my truck in front of you? Yeah well, deal. You see what I mean. The only time that even comes out of me though is when anger or aggression is expressed towards me. I'm not like that, say at a funeral. I don't think that I should be mean to people who feel sad.

Which brings me to the point of what happened. The lady who came back to her cart didn't look angry, or furious, or even nonchalant. She looked genuinely disappointed. I mean full-fledged disappointment. I'm talking looking into her eyes and feel her pain disappointment. Which is why I couldn't stay in line. So I grabbed my beer (that's right my rich delicious Yueng Ling lager) and told her sorry. But here's where Jamaica and I differed. Jamaica felt no remorse, and even said as much. Now, the lady let me stay, even though I had pretty much left for another line, but that's neither here nor there. I was prepared to leave, while Jamaica was going to stay, regardless of how bad it made someone else feel. And there's where I draw the line. I have no problem with angering someone. That's your problem, and honestly, I'm going to anger people everywhere I go. So what, deal. But disappointing people? I can't bear to do that. Not to mention I can avoid disappointing people.

Didn't like this post? Too bad. Deal. Unless you're disappointed. In which case, I'll do better next time then.