Tuesday, August 31, 2004

If history is anything, it's not my thing. However, I will say confidently that Incubus is the rock, man. They're the guys who changed my musical life after Blur created it. Must be quite the amazing thing to be in a band that's responsible for changing someone's musical life. Now, I'm not talking about the whole, "Yeah man it changed my life I got Make Yourself and listened to it over and over and wore it out and learned all the lyrics." I'm talking like, not only getting every album I could but every single track, b-side, live performances a/o or a/v, what have you. I'm talking learning all the lyrics on all those albums then learning all the songs on guitar, getting not only one guitar track but all the tracks (granted there was more than one) and learning the song not only one way but often several. And of course the fact the they introduced me out of the world of the potentially mundane world of 4/4 time and into the extremely expanded world of odd meters and just other rhythmus in general, odd or not. Plus they're the only band that keeps challenging me on every album. I'm glad this newest album has some hard guitar in it, cause while the album as a whole has only one really, really memorable track (unlike the previous two), and while I don’t know all the songs, the songs I know I had to work on for a while to get down which was great, honestly.

Thus Mike Einziger brought this deliciously mediocre post to you. Mike, we salute you.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Hoverin' by my suitcase/tryin' to find a warm place/to spend the night/Heavy rain fallin'/seems I hear your voice callin'/"It's all right."/A rainy night in Georgia,/a rainy night in Georgia/It seems like it's rainin' all over the world/I feel like it's rainin' all over the world

I can't personally speak for Georgia, but it was definitely a rainy night in Alabama last night. Not quite sure if that's what caused the power outtage I awoke to this morning, but suffice it to say that well, waking up to dark and realizing suddenly that it might be way past the time you were supposed to get up isn't a good feeling. After I pulled myself away from my bed, and came to the realization that the power had been out long enough to deny me a hot shower, a cup of coffee, or even just some light to read by, I laid out on the couch and figured why bother to dress in the dark? After passing out, I had a dream in which I was discussing my hatred of bumper stickers. For those who are unaware of my general disgust for bumper stickers, the fact that I dream about hating them should tell you something disturbing about my psyche. For the rest of you, it should come as no shock. But why don't I like bumper stickers you wonder? To me, a bumper sticker is like forcing your ideas on someone else. There's nothing wrong with talking to me, asking me if I want to hear what you have to say, then saying it. Or even just putting it on an open forum like the television or the internet. But when you are so arrogant and lazy that not only do you not bother to break from your daily routine to speak to me, but also decide that seven to ten words and an image can sum up your entire argument so clearly that there is no room for debate, well that just boils my water. And my spiteful obsession doesn't end there. There are even certain bumper stickers that infuriate me even more. Like the one's where the parents brag about their child beating up an honor student. Yes, its good that your son or daughter is physically stronger than everyone else, and its nice to know that you've been teaching him might makes right. That way, when he grows up and we have to lock him away, yet feed him and take care of him with our tax dollars, at least we'll know who to blame. The other day, I saw a bumper sticker that just made me want to run the guy who had it off the road. It had a picture of confederate flag on it, and said "If this offends you, then you need a history lesson." Hmmm. . .confederate flag offensive? Of course not. The confederacy was just a contigent of southern states who attempted to break away from the northern union of states. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the reason why they did that. You see, they were all cotton farmers, and for them, cheap labor meant more profit, and more time to sit around sipping iced tea, and pretending to be gentlemen and ladies. In actuality, the confederacy broke away over the issue of slavery. They wanted to continue enslaving people based simply upon the color of their skin. So when I see a confederate flag, its hard for me, as a person who, had the confederacy had their way, would be enslaved today, to look upon it as a symbol of Southern pride. So yes, I am offended, and all because I took that history lesson you suggested. There's a plethora of other bumper stickers that annoy me, really there's a plethora of things in life that irk me, I guess I'm just a irkable guy. Either way, I guess I should say that I do like bumper stickers that make me laugh. At least they're entertainment.

Today's mp3 is by Incubus. I heard them in concert and instantly went out and bought two CD's of theirs. And I wasn't disappointed at the time. It seems my desire to listen to them has waned with time, until I pretty much only break it out if I'm working really hard and I'm tired, and I need something for that motivational force to keep me going. And even then its kind of a blase listening. But a song that they've done that contines to impress me comes from the S.C.I.E.N.C.E. album. Its Favorite Things which contains the now controversial line, too bad the things that make you mad, are my favorite things Why controversial? Scroll back up and see what Jeremy said on my thoughts on that. I'm sure you'll be shocked and apalled. Or maybe neither.

My mood?

Friday, August 27, 2004

In trying so hard to look away from you/we followed white lines to the sunset/I crash my car everyday the same way

Its Friday. I spent the last thirty minutes debating about what to write about. Unlike most Friday's my mind is racing with thoughts. I blame this clean living and early morning waking up I've been doing. And lets not forget the recent events. Events so recent, and so eventful, I can't even begin to talk about them here. Shocking. Well, I'll now leave you with a little creative writing, and my mp3 of the day.

Say hello to the broken-hearted,
the dumb, the foolish, the blind, the downtrodden,
the crazy, the one's so lazy, they forgot what mattered,
and threw it all away.

Say hello to the broken-hearted,
the insane, the mentally challenged the emotionally retarded,
those who never spoke their minds, their hearts,
and they threw it all away.

Say hello to the broken-hearted,
the stupid, the ignorant, the hurt, the lame,
those who never win because they always play the game,
completely wrong and they threw it all away.

Say hello to me.

Today's mp3 is what is considered genuine emo. I know because Jerm told me so. I first heard this group while riding in his car. There's nothing like having Jeremy stop, look at you and say, hey, how about some EmO. That's how he says. Its like emu, but with an 'o'. Right. Anyway, here it is.
Understanding In a Car Crash - Thursday

I gotta stop thinking. . .

Thursday, August 26, 2004

lets have a picnic go to the park/rolling round till long after dark/down at the beach or a party in town

So the end of my first week directing traffic as a member of the safety patrol is drawing to a close, and I feel as if I've learned many many things. First, the hand signals that you are taught are helpful, however, only other crossing guards will understand what you're trying to convey with them at all times. To prevent accidents, step in front of cars before you motion others on. Not that I've caused any accidents, but I've certainly seen my share of "man if that other car had done what I'd told it to, it'd have gotten rocked. . ." All because some people try to think for the safety patrol instead of thinking for themselves. I've also learned that you should look back before stepping back since anything could be back there, cars, sticks, debris, but mainly cars.

Another thing I've gotten to learn is that being outside is without a doubt the best way to spend any day. I'm convinced that outdoors, even outdoors in the middle of traffic is an awesome place. I'd spend more time outdoors, if I had time to spend. Every morning when I wake up there's a halo hanging from the corner of my four post bed. . . oh wait, that's a lyric to a song. What I meant to say was, every morning when I wake up, its a horrible battle, but once I step outside and the sun's shining, birds are singing, I'm instantly awake. And its been scientifically proven that sun is the key factor in actually becoming alert upon wakening. Now all I need to do is remember to bring some gatorade to my post to replenish my quickly departing electrolytes during my post.

And what could be better with any given day spent outside than music? I think War said it best with All Day Music. That's right, War. The group who brought such hits as Lowrider and Cisco Kid. They did more than just two good songs. All Day Music is one of them. Enjoy.

My mood?

Always look back before you step back

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

this is an audio post - click to play
Too alarming now to talk about/Take your pictures down and shake it out/Truth or consequence say it aloud/Use that evidence, race it around

Actually, I'd meant for you guys to post, not that I would post. But I guess its all good. There's not much for me say today, partially because I'm pretty tired. But I suppose in all fairness I should discuss what I was going to talk about yesterday today.

Yesterday's lyrical opening was going to be too bad the things that you hate are my favorite things. The reason for that is because I got to thinking, everyone likes certain types of people. For instance, we all like people who are generous or cheerful, since they improve the general quality of life. Of course, there are other qualities that every person has that doesn't necessarily improve the quality of anyone's life. If you are a cynical pessimistic person, then you don't improve someone's life quality. At first glance, that seems terrible, but what if you like being cynical or pessimistic? What if that's what you like about yourself? Then in all honesty, though its self-centered, you should continue to be what you are.

Which brings me to my point: I know a lot of people who really do make life's quality rise. And those people are the ones that I find incredible. Because its easy to be self-centered and concerned with only yourself. But it takes true dedication to be concerned with other people. Indeed. Here's the mp3 of the day.
My Hero - Foo Fighters

My mood?


Tuesday, August 24, 2004

So Jerm did you take the other audio posts off? I can't see them. But it might just be something with my computer. Wouldn't be surprised at all if it was, as a matter of fact.

My weeks tend to snowball starting on Sunday or Monday and ending on Saturday or Sunday. Yesterday I hung out at the house and schooled/gamed it up, today wasn't much different, nor will tomorrow be until I leave for Nashville in the evening to hit a class and then from there meet up with some friends and go to a condo and I'll be there till Saturday, when I'll head home and then I may or may not be going to Franklin for some stuff and Sunday there's a party and then, boom, Monday comes along and I've got nothing to do again except the school stuff and the games.

Last night Javann texted me and said he'd be posting today, also. Sup with that. My phone makes a horrible noise when I get texts. It's like beeping, yet not. Sort of like beeping with a bit of soul-crushing Nazicoolitude.

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, August 23, 2004

All my dreams have died/everything is gone/Everything I love is stolen/Everything I've made is broken

Monday. The day of dread. For me at least. Because now I have a morning job. And let me tell you, waking up early in the morning is horrible. Man I feel for all of you who don't get to come back home around 8:30 or so and take a nap. I think that would seriously increase productivity in the workplace. If everyone took a 10 o'clock nap break, and got an thirty minutes to an hour of sleep. Maybe right after lunch would be better. Either way, its an idea with quite a bit of merit to it. Why? Because I back it. And that's what makes anything have merit.

Now that I'm done power tripping, have you noticed Jeremy's early morning pep talks? Its like all of the groggy senselessness without any of the morning breath. I'm sure there are people everywhere who have dreamed of starting their day to that. I personally don't talk or think in the morning when I wake up. My morning talk consists of grunts and monosyllabic cynicism as I attempt to find my way to the shower. After I shower, its not much better, and after I have coffee, its still about the same, but around 11 o'clock, things start to spice up. Hopefully that'll change since I'll be throwing myself in front of traffic on a daily basis. HAHAHA. . .wait that's bad.

Music for the day? Definitely going to be something that makes me want to wake up. So, how about some Joy Electric? I woke up to this today. And yes, the singer IS a man. I have of poster of him somewhere.
Joy Electric - Transylvania

My mood?

I said STOP!!
this is an audio post - click to play

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Hey ladies and germs!! Just stopping in briefly to leave this song I wrote at work here.

When she walks away,
she sways like the ocean,
and she washes me away.
She's just like the ocean,
when she washes over me,
without any words spoken,
we drift away to sea.
She knows that I want to leave,
so her tide keeps pulling me,
she pulls me under until I can't breathe.
I thought that she would want me,
I thought that she cared,
but when I drowned reaching out,
there was no one really there.

I'll have to finish that at some point.
Well basically folks, i've stumbled on a new form of technology. (And as Darcie says... i'm the biggest techy junky out there...) Anyways, Yeah so here is the plan, when I wake up in the mornings I'm going to make my post... Now since I have Verizon, that means I have to call before 6AM. So these should be quiet uninteligible post... the future experiment I call.. first thoughts of the day... and be warned I'm not a super big morning person.

this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, August 20, 2004

Now I dialed 911 a long time ago/Don't you see how late they're reactin'/They only come and they come when they wanna/So get the morgue embalm the goner/They don't care 'cause they stay paid anyway/They teach ya like an ace they can't be betrayed/A no use number with no use people/If your life is on the line they you're dead today

Well, the good news is, I'm officially a safety patrol aide. I think that's my official term, the bad news is there's a good chance I'll be working during Big Spring Jam. Yay. Wait, that'd be awesome, yay indeed. I just finished getting fitted for my uniform, and well, there's a downside to being 6'6 (6'5" and 3/4" for Tremaine). None of the clothes were long enough, and the ones that were long enough were still way too big because I don't pack a gut. (not a big anyway) I get a badge, a whistle, a gun and. . .well not really a gun, but wouldn't that be overkill? I could see me rolling out the way of some speeding car, drawing my weapon and opening fire on its tires, then apprehending the suspect and blowing my whistle in their ear until a real cop got there with hand cuffs. I also got my official Huntsville employee badge, complete with a misspelling of my name. I started to say something about it, but then again, its not a total misspelling. Its spelled JaVann. Which isn't too bad, a bit gaudy, maybe pretentious, since that capitalized V is just way too much. Not sure if that's a "misspelling" or if that would just be some lady who thought my name needed more style. Either way, that's what my badge says, and so that's what I'll answer too. Sigh. Conformed at such a young age.

911 Is a Joke - Public Enemy

My mood?

You there! FREEZE!!

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Now the skies could fall/Not even if my boss should call/The world it seems so very small/Cause nothing even matters at all/Nothing even matters (to me)

I know that might seem negative at first glance, but you have to see the rest of the song to see what I'm going for. The song I got today's italicized lyrical opening from is Nothing Even Matters by Lauryn Hill. Haven't heard it? Apparently you're one of the few people who didn't buy that album. I'm one of the few people too. But I do own the album. I traded for it back in high school for one of my Blackstreet albums. In retrospect, it was one of the best trades I've made.

But I digress from the point of opening with that song. You see, it was inspired strictly by emotion. The emotion that made everything seem so insignificant in this case was love, obviously. Its always amazing to me that such a slight chemical reaction in our brains could invoke such strong changes in our entire outlook in life. Its actually rather scary. What if there truly were some way to make that chemical reaction happen in others whenever we met them? Think of how dire the consequences would be, if someone could invoke love, loyalty into someone else's heart. To quote another popular song, what won't you do/do for love? If you take the time to look back over the archives you'll see that I've always wondered what caused a person to "fall" in love, or what determines how you feel about someone. If I were to believe my college education (and we all know I don't) love is an emotion that is developed through different ways for each gender. For instance, women supposedly begin to love a man when he communicates with her on a regular basis. However, for men, its doing things together that really causes a bond to form. So what is it? More importantly, I think the question is, why?

Of course, that only takes into account one form of love, as I'm sure everyone here is aware of. The form I speak of is, of course, eros. Ironically, its not the only form of love that you're not innately born with. Storge, Agape, and Philia, all gree words referring to familial love, love of man, and the love between friends, respectively aren't all innate. I have friends that I didn't like when I first met them. Not to mention, after watching the news, or having to wait in line, I realize I have a distinct loathing for most people. Not just rude people, mind you, but people in general. I tend to avoid public places and crowds simply because that sort of thing bothers me. More on that later on. Basically what I'm trying to say here, before all my thoughts got jumbled and I started disproving my own theorems and postulations, is emotions are extrememly strong motivations for actions. This is fascinating to me strictly because they're all just chemical reactions on a small scale, but the loyalty and devotion they create can cause ripples far beyond the small section of pond in which they originated.

I know that makes no sense. After rereading that, I'm as lost as no doubt you are. So enjoy this mp3, and try to forget what I just said.
Mineral - Parking Lot (The song's gotta pretty low quality going to it, so I apologize for that. Either way, download it and turn up your volume its worth it)

My mood?

What, you thought I'd ran out of hulk pictures?

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

So let the grammer skills and spelling go down hill here on deep thoughts, jerm has entered the building! More on that on another day. But this shall be my place to release, my place to say all the stuff i think, but isnt entertaining. (For entertainment see misconstruedthoughts...)

Anyways... thoughts for the day...
why does this world make us be complaining/evil type people. Why? Because people want to rip you off! Thats right. And they know they want to rip you off. Good example, buying a car... "Oh i'll give you a good deal" but we know a better deal is always possible. They admit they want to rip you off, and the amount you are riped off is negotiable... if you question it! if you are an irritating customer.

So last night i'm paying bills (yay more on that later too...) and i notice an 85 dollar charge just to have ownership of my Frequent Flyer creditcard. I dont think so... So I call AMEX, complain, and say cancel my card, they respond.. what if we give you $30 off? I think for 2 seconds and tell them no... well 1 second later I have a no annual fee card with all the same benefits. ....the reason, i complained, i was irritating... not on purpose, just to prevent being ripped off. Why?

Because you have to be irritating in this world... they ask for it.

So just shutup... and practice being irritating.

Time to reboot our thinking!
Yesterday - Tuesday - the day free of updates - was a hard day. It began with a rigorous morning of service and then I attended my awesome and all but unheard of noon bookstudy which of course contained plenty of offtopic comments and weird illustrations (one guy brought cannibals and later robots into the picture) as all Carthage meetings do. After that I went to even out my tan at the river and man, I've really gotta say it looks pretty good (just in time for a pool party this weekend). Today will consist of more or less the same stuff really, just replace service and bookstudy with school. And I've gotta get my car and probably do a few things that that will entail. But then of course it's back to the river to sun it up hard cause I am that vane, I guess. But seriously if you could have seen the farmers tan I had going down I mean, you'd understand totally. If only I had a picture. Then again, if I did have a picture I wouldn't put it up (see the aforementioned vanity comment).

Monday, August 16, 2004

I'll be the grapes fermented bottled and served with the table set/in my finest suit, like a perfect gentleman/I'll be the fire escape/bolted to the ancient brick where you'll sit and contemplate your day

And yet another fun action packed weekend comes to an end. There was much to be seen and done, and even more to be forgotten, and right now, the only thing I can think about is the pain in my side. Apparently golf takes a bit more out of you than even I thought at one point. No matter, I'll be fine, at any rate.
I wrote this not too long ago, enjoy.

First there was a sharp bright light, one unlike that I had ever seen before. And then there was silence. Silence and darkness. I struggled to hear, to see, to sense anything that would give me some clue as to where I was, but it was all pointless. As the futility of my now apparently dulled senses began to weight upon my shoulders, I was suddenly greeted by the sillhoutte of a man carrying a light. I couldn't make out his form, but as he drew closer to me, I began to recognize his face and features. They looked so familiar to me, and yet, I couldn't quite place where I knew them from. The closer he approached, the more my heart filled with dread as I realized the man I saw approaching was myself. A gasp lept to my throat as my heart begin to flutter in fearful anticipation. Surely I was dead. What other reason would there be for a man to approach me in this darkness in my likeness? What cruel trick was fate playing upon me? As these thoughts of death and fatality rushed into my mind, the man who was me raised his hand and smiled.

"You are not dead. Calm your mind, and still your heart. I am you, and we are now inside what you would call your 'inner self'."

I didn't know what quite to make of this calmly spoken revelation, and I mopped my fervently sweating brow as I endeavoured to calm my breathing and steel myself. "How did I get here?"

My other self smiled again, and answered, "You have always been here, as have I. This is, in a word, you."

I took a second to gather my thoughts, to think of some refute or rebuttal to what was said, but I had none. As I continued to gain some bearing of my surroundings, I noticed the strangest thing. I was in the middle of a dark and tightly woven forest. There seemed to be movement all around, and yet, there was nothing to be seen. It all felt familiar, but it didn't seem right. I shuddered as I realized that if this was indeed my inner self, then I would be standing in the middle of all of my dark qualities.

"Why are you here?"

"I am here to guide you."

"But if this is my inner self, why would I need a guide?"

"Because no one truly knows himself, you included."

My guide approached me and pointing his lantern forward, he made illuminated the path that I apparently was supposed to follow. He gestered for me to follow, and proceeded into the darkness. Having no other choice, I followed the light that he bore.

To be continued. . .
(I Am) Made From The Wires - Joy Electric

My mood?

Friday, August 13, 2004

My car is sick. It's already been a sorta stupid day. I got up early to go take my car to the shop and then to go to my grandmother's with my dad in his car house to borrow her car (cause well, she doesn't really use it at the moment for one reason or another) till I get mine back but while we were driving along dad's car just sort of started sputtering and eventually went to sleep and had to get towed to the body shop where dad could get a rental (cause he's got connections) and continue the mission of getting me to my grandmother's to get the car.
Well Javann my weekend will be spent working also, it seems. But what can you do. I've just found out that this work will be getting in the way of a concert I was gonna go to tomorrow (I thought it was Sunday). So anyway I'm annoyed.

So a while ago I was thinking about literature and books and stuff and I started to wonder about modern books and which ones would be around 50 or 100 years from now and studied closely like we do now with old books. At that time all I had read by a modern author was some Michael Creighton stuff and I mean it was alright, but surely this stuff wouldn't be coveted for years and years after ol' Michaels death, so what kind of stuff would be? Well I really didn't know where to start, but I eventually discovered some pretty cool stuff. David Foster Wallace, DeLillo, Gaddis, and Pynchon to name a few. Most of them were more difficult to read and all were very different from what I was used to, but I was totally down with it, fo rizzle. But after spending a lot of time reading that stuff I was like, 'Wait a sec, what do these guys read?' There had to be a whole other level. So again I was searching for something new and discovered The next level of writers. Evidently those guys I mentioned above are like, the avant-garde of the non-avant-garde authors and to get more avant-garde than them you need to actually seek out publishing companies that only publish things if they're really weird and way on the other end of the avant-garde spectrum. And but so I found Fiction Collective 2 and Samuel Beckett who lead the bunch I guess, and then you've got more or less anything in the Dalkey Archive. At the moment I'm in the middle of a FC2 release and I think very vaguely intense is the right way to describe it. Does anyone else read this stuff? What'd you think? I know you have, Javann.
And now I'm off to learn more about decision structures or something.
Drowning in an ocean/full of childhood devotion/somehow things didn't work out how we planned/and I don't understand

Well its Friday, as if you didn't know. And as such, there are two things on my mind. Survival and nothing else. The tradition on Friday's is not to share deep thoughts, since in actuality, Friday is not a day designated for thinking. At least not on my schedule. So what's going down this weekend? As far as I know, nothing but work. That's how I spend my weekends unfortunately. Well really its only unfortunate until I get paid. This its extremely fortunate. Anyway, enough of my useless babbling, here's the mp3 of the day.

Seeing how today is Friday, this mp3 is for your general enjoyment, your dancing excitement if you will. Of course its all dependent on what makes you dance. Some people hear actual dance music and it makes them move. I am not one of those people. I need a well crafted song with a strong bass line and quite possibly a bass and snare drum hit that I can feel. Thusly, I give you this mp3 for you to dance to. If its not your type of thing, well, I apologize, this makes me want to get up and dance. Or conversely drive. But that's another story.
Block Rockin Beats - Chemical Brothers

My mood?

These shoes were made for dancing

Thursday, August 12, 2004

I, I thinking its a sign/That the freckles in our eyes/are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned/I have to speculate/That God himself did make/us into corresponding shapes/puzzle pieces from the clay

Today is quite the day. I woke up and begin to run into wall almost immediately, straight for a pot of coffee. So what's the haps peeps? Nothing much here, just really running thoughts through my mind, and having a really enjoyable time doing so. Yesterday, during my drug test, an interesting, and funny thing happened. A lady came holding a bandaid over her hand, and she's bleeding pretty profusely. So the nurse excuses himself to go take care of her. He's gone for a bit, and then suddenly he comes back and he says, "Sorry I gotta give this lady a tetanus shot," and I just kinda nod, because at this point I've zoned out into a world of worry because Jon told me that poppy seeds can make you flunk a drug test, and I'm thinking about all the consequences that flunking this test would entail. But anyway, he kinda looks at me and he says, "Hey, you want to give her the tetanus shot?" And it didn't hit me what he said, until I thought, and I realized, this guy is asking me if I want to give someone a tetanus shot. Of course, he backed it up with a "just joking", but that had to be the funniest thing I'd seen. Hilarious. Anyway, that pretty much ends my thoughts, I don't care to share the rest of them.

Here's the mp3 of the day:
Such Great Heights - Postal Service

My mood?

Everything for nothing.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Well said, Jon. I'll not hog the glory that is Jon with my own talking. But here's the mp3 for the day:

Sure we've heard Charly and Breathe, but what else has Prodigy done? Check it out:
Out of Space - Prodigy
Yo. I'm Jon and I'll be posting this here. This won't be the most interesting post cause I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing. I said on the Deep Thoughts And Other Assorted Candies job application that I had lots of blogging experience when I really don’t have any at all. I'm just hoping this is actually how I post something. I mean, it said "Post new Message" where I clicked but who knows what kinda crazy blog argot that is, yeah? During the Deep Thoughts And Other Assorted Candies job interview I actually told Javann that in all actuality I had no blog experience but he hired me anyway. Obviously because I was so ostensibly h4rdc0rz0rz.

So anyway, you'll probably find me talking about really nerdy things like books and music and maybe music theory. To make this post seem complete I'll talk about some of that right now. Let's discuss the syntax of Tolstoy's sentence. Alright we're done there now. Ok then, I'm gonna push the Publish button and see what happens.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Young life has no stress/watching cartoons/popping balloons/that was the best/I remember the times/when I didn't have a dime/(Those were the best days)

The best times indeed. You'd think I'd learn to get over my general thoughts of constant ungratitude. While life is rife with problems, I think back to all the things that I've had the privilege of seeing and doing, really just being glad that I am seeing and doing. I was at work, kind of goofing off really, and as I was moving tables from room to room, I begin to really appreciate my job too. You know, I can lift a lot of weight, and I can carry it. So I get paid to continue to do that. The more I do the job, the better I get at it. I remember when I first started about a year ago, and I had a rough time because I couldn't lift a lot of weight without tripping, falling, or dropping it. And no matter how hard I worked, it always seemed like I couldn't do enough. And then I think back to when I'd work late nights, and just sit around trying to get my back to stop hurting, or trying to catch my breath, and I'm just really thankful that I don't have to do that anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to spend the rest of my time doing hard manual labor, but there's something satisfying about being able to go into your job and see it done to completion. Even though I know that what I do isn't the most important thing, its important to me, and that's what counts. While talking to a friend of mine Sunday, he said something that kinda struck me, and the more I think of it, the more I realize its true. He said, "Yeah, we're all growing up." I used to always worry about what I would grow up to be, that I wouldn't amount to much, or that I wouldn't be good enough for anything really, and now, here I am. I'm pretty much grown up, as adult as I'll be, and honestly, I can't say I dislike what I've become. I work hard, and I do it, not solely for the money, but because its the right thing to do. Sure the paycheck is a nice addition, but I like knowing that I've done a good job. I remember when I was younger, and I'd go out and cut the grass, I did it because my dad wouldn't let me go out and do what I wanted if I didn't do the chores. Now when I cut the grass, I do it because I want the house to look nice, because I know it'll make my parents happy. I used to never want to clean the car out, now I have this urge to do it, and I hate when people ride in the car and its dirty. Granted its in pretty bad shape now, but I've been feeling bad about not cleaning it for the longest. I guess what I'm saying is growing up and being an adult about things entails doing the things that you know are right, for that reason alone. There is no other person forcing you to do things, or making decisions for you. Its just you. Sure if you slack off, someone might say something, but to keep things at a even pace, you have to motivate yourself. If your reason isn't good, you won't ever succeed at what you do. Anyway, that's enough of my babbling.

Along those lines (of having enough of my babbling), soon you'll be able to get some of the babbling of other people. Who you ask? Well that remains to be seen, but the beautifully egocentric blog that is Javann's Deep Thoughts and Other Assorted Candies is soon to be just Deep Thoughts and Other Assorted Candies, because more than just me will be posting here. Gasp! I'm sure you're busting to know how to get in where you fit in (which is right here on the Deep Thoughts blog). Well send me an email with a few samples of your writing (or really, just send me an email) and you're in. The only really requirement is of course, that I know you and approve of you.

I haven't had a chance to put any R&B on the blog. Most of the recent selections have been rock or techno. Of course, there were the Temptations, but that's an older form of R&B which, really, is so far removed from the music of today, that its not even in the same class anymore. The standards of today as far as R&B goes have changed drastically from those set in the sixties and seventies, and frankly its been for the worse. Honestly, there isn't an R&B person or group out today that doesn't just disappoint me. Even those I had high hopes for (Carl Thomas, Musiq, Jill Scott) have lost their luster in my eyes. Truth be told, for a long time anything that was R&B was lost on me. I didn't want to hear songs about lost love, or about new found love, or anything that was remotely below 80 beats per minute. But as I get older, I find appreciation for all forms of music (barring the country of this era, that's not music, that's just tragedy's way of telling you to commit suicide) and even have found some songs that even I can like. This is one of them. Its a nice little ditty about growing up poor. I've done it. And I can relate to a good deal of this song. Except the parts about stealing cars. And not knowing how to spell my own name. I can do that. Either way, here's the mp3 of the day: Remember the Times - Lucy Pearl

My mood?

Jacob, where are you?

Monday, August 09, 2004

because i'm lost, i'm confused/the reality we chooseis a long, long way from the dream

Sometimes we wish for situations to change, to occur, to happen, and then when we get there, and we've done everything we can to get there, we realize that everything we've hoped for is not what it should have been. Maybe its the hoping and the wishing and setting these goals for ourselves to reach and work toward that blinds us to the inevitably realized fact: life in itself will never be what you want it to be. Life is a struggle. There is nothing in life that will not be difficult, hard, annoying, frustrating, and irritating. Survival takes work. Work takes effort. Effort, in turn, yields very little. And no matter how much you work, or how much you gain, either legally or illegally, there will never be enough, and life will always seem futile. Life will always make you feel as if nothing is being accomplished, and as if no one cares. That in itself, is the essence of life. Futility, enormous amounts of efforts nullified by an unfair system, in which the only way to get ahead is to die early. Speaking of which, I have to go to work, so feel free to leave comments.

Today's mp3: Manic Depression - Jimi Hendrix

My mood?


Thursday, August 05, 2004

You make me sick/because I adore you so/I love all the dirty tricks/twisted games you play

There's nothing quite like working at night and then coming home that same night. You're really not sure what to think, what to do. It feels as if most of life is that way. Really, we wander through life with our hands in front, trying to catch a feel of anything that will help us make it through safely. Or maybe that's just my personal thought. Either way, this is Friday, and my week has passed by me rather quickly. My work week is just starting, and of course, I'll be working all through the weekend. All for the best really, because I need the money. And the money needs me. For those who like to keep up with the goings on in my life (and I'm sure there's a few of you) I'm an unofficial crossing guard. I'm unofficial because they're still checking my background to make sure that I'm not wanted for anything and that I don't have a record (which I don't) and that I'm a safe and reliable person (well. . .I'm a person). I'll be sure to post and say when it becomes and official deal, and you'll be happy to know that I will also tell you just where in the city I'll be directing traffic and aiding young children. If you want to drive by and honk your horn, don't because I'll be sure to get you cited for doing that. I kid I kid. Anyway, check out the mp3.

Today's italic lyrics came from this song by none other than Muse. Who, by the way, is the greatest band this side of Radiohead. (happy Jerm?) I'm fond of saying that they are the listenable Radiohead, but I'm sure that I'll spark debate with that. Either way, I'm a fan, so I'll leave this mp3 for you, so that you'll be a fan as well. So here it is: Muse - Space Dementia As a warning to you: This file is about 7 MB, bigger than any I've put up before. If you have dial-up, you seriously don't want to try this. I mean seriously.

My mood?

Did you know this was antique red? Me either. Did you also know its hard to match when you mix your own paint? I didn't realize that either. Oh well.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Who is this clown?/I am the king of the diamond. Gather all the people for a feast in the clubhouse. Bring me the finest meats and cheeses of the land!

Well, that didn't rhyme, I'm sorry to say, but well, you can't have all of the things you want all of the time. Or maybe your name is Bill Gates and you can indeed have everything you want. Either way, the point is, that didn't rhyme. Well, today is Monday, and the night, she is long. But its getting shorter by the minute, of course. I've not got anything deep to say, just that I worked this weekend, and my arms felt really rubbery after doing said work. That pretty much concludes my blog. Check out the homemade mp3.

Homemade you say? Why yes, that's what I said. I made this song myself, with some help from my non-lawsuit induced friends. I hope no one important gets this one, because I could get sued for this. Anyway, here it is. Insane Clowns

My mood?

Grrrr. . .I'm big and green!