Friday, October 22, 2010

Real Men Exfoliate

Come with me on a little journey, if you will. I'm in Walmart, buying body wash. The cashier asks me if I have a girlfriend. At first, I'm kinda flattered, even though the cashier's not that hot, then it hits me why she's asking. I use Dove Body Wash. Dove Extra Moisturizing Body Wash with Gentle Exfoliating Beads to be more specific. And the Dove Gentle Exfoliating Beauty Bar. (for my face. I don't care how gentle Dove says those Exfoliating beads are, if one gets in your eye, its a wrap) Reading this, you must think I have horrible skin problems. I don't. I use Dove, my skin is phenomenal. Am I proud to be a heterosexual man who cares for his body? Yes, and I think I should be. Where is it written that men can't take care of their skin? I lift weights, I run, I exercise, and that's all "manly" (in fact so manly that most chicks who lift weights are afraid of looking like men) but when I decide that I don't want to be wrinkly at 30, suddenly I'm feminine? I shouldn't have to go through the self check-out line and avoid eye contact like I'm buying porn mags every time I want some body wash.

Where and when did this line in the gender sand get drawn? And if I cross it, am I breaking some societal rule and risking being a social pariah? Exfoliating isn't some type of gateway act to being feminine. I'm pretty sure that little girls don't start exfoliating and then puberty hits them. When it comes to gender its set in stone, or more specifically, in DNA. You are what you are. Ask any straight dude if he wants to look good. He'll say yeah, I do. Ask him what he does. Weights. Exercise. But what else? Not much. Up until the nineties, some dudes didn't even shower. How'd we go so wrong? At the turn of the century, being a gentleman was all about fashion and taking care of yourself. Men rocked perfume, bought creams that kept the skin "smooth and supple" and understood that being rough was for poor people. Maybe there was some sort of revolt against the aristocracy of the upper class and so now, unless you're rich, you don't bother with that "uppity hygiene stuff" anymore. Don't worry about revolting against the rich, trust me, they get theirs in full. Haven't you seen Titanic? I bet every employee on that boat got off (with the exception of the captain) and the one poor guy I remember dying was Jack and that's only because of Rose being selfish with that door. (He could've gotten on another piece of debris or something. I watched three hours of movie to see the one dude that was kinda cool die?) But I digress...

All I'm saying is be a man, not a boy. Take care of all of you, not just your muscles, and remember, having soft skin doesn't make YOU soft.

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