Maybe I've lost all reason/no, I know, baby I've lost all reason/why are we together/when all we do is hurt each other/constantly fighting/tearing ripping and biting/good times are bad times/bad times are worse times/I'm so. . .confused?/I feel so used/but it feels so sweet. . .

The last time was simply magic/no the last time was simply tragic/it hurts me so deeply/and it hurts me so sweetly/that I can't let go of who we are/and I know that "we" won't get far/rip my veins apart with your hate/reconstruct my heart I'll be your blank slate

tears in my eyes/a lump in my throat/a smile on my lips/I'm afraid I can't let go/I'm so near and you're so close/and now as I ooze to the ground/I can't help but think. . .

you're what brought me down. . .

I love to hate you/I hate to love you/I want to need you/I need to want you/I can't see because I'm blinded/ I'm blinded because I can see/

I see you standing over me. . .over me. . .over me. . .

Okay, so lately I've just been dropping in, dropping poetry, and dropping out. Why break a good habit? This is more of a song though. Or actually songs. That's plural. Because there's two of them.

Human Alien

Everything is different, nothing is the same/no one cares about you, and no one knows your name/burning lungs set ablaze by loose tongues/the memories only pretty when it burns

human alien
no one really cares
human alien
everyone stares
human alien

seven billion enemies, a true army of one/unfulfilled desires, and another life comes undone/passive fires, sparked by aggressive liars/its okay/you'll have your day/ under the sun

human alien


Surrender the Night

a plane we can't attain to/ a place we dare not be/a dread no one will admit to/a fear not meant for me/glaciers replace warm desires/numbness creeeps up on me

in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and. . .
surrender the night

a cold blank slate buried deep in the snow/a heart filled with hate, until it grows cold/this is my own sorrow/I can beg or borrow/but its not right

in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and . . .
surrender the night

That's all I got for you for now ladies and gents. Love peace and nappyness.

You're so beautiful i'm so clueless, you're so perfect I'm such a loser, I'm one of your notches, bowing to my love goddess, Aphrodite, Athena, Halle, I bend at the knees like Jon Salley, I'm sculpted artwork for your gallery, nude chubby teddy bear at attention, you're an ascension to another dimension, I'm just your discension, maybe an honorable mention, I don't care who cares or who doesn't, or what was or even wasn't, deny me be ashamed, take the credit, give me the blame, on my hands and knees, begging to be decieved, lied to, tried to, I tried to retain my composure, but this exposure, my dignity stripped, my manhood's ripped, take me by the hand to the slaughter, me someone's son you someone's daughter, I hurt for your pleasure, I bleed only for you to measure, my soul pours at your feet, I can't be discreet, I want the world to know, berate me for show, assert your dominance, destroy my prominence, obliterate my common sense. . .


First Draft,
8/25/08

How do you go through life constantly flirting, constantly hurting, deep inside in your mind's eye, you have everything to hide, almost nothing to lose, and still you abuse, yourself and everyone else, who makes contact, every conversation is combat, its pathetic, how you regret it, then tomorrow forget it, but don't sweat it, it'll all be over soon, your time in the womb, will soon end in the tomb, and when you're cold and alone, listen to this, my song, it might make you sigh and moan, or even cry and groan, maybe you'll suddenly feel grown, remember that I like this song, am just so real, and like me, I hope this just makes you feel.

08/25/08

(First and extremely rough draft)

When you need a friend/don't turn to a stranger/you know in the end/I'll always be there/and when you're in doubt/or when you're in danger/just look all around/and I'll be there

Ah yes. The blog. Hello all. Well, all one of you. A lot of different things on my mind, so instead of just picking one and ranting for a page or so, I figured I would just, you know, give you a taste, or actually better yet a cross section of what its like to be in my mind. Um. . .segue!

Speaking of which, my first thought is the idea of me doing an album. Another album, I guess I should say, because I did actually produce a first. It just never really got any steam under it. Wait, I guess I should clarify. It sucked, and was really just a lot of random stuff I'd done with no real theme or merit, or actual playing or singing or words or anything. So I was thinking the other day about how most people who know me find my thought process. . .odd I guess. Well guess what? It is odd. And what better way to let the world in general into my head than through music. That is the best way right? Because if not this idea sucks. Anyway, I was going to make an album highlighting my thought process throughout a normal day. Or an album made entirely on one day of the week. Or some such nonsense. I'll be sure to let everyone know more when I figure out exactly what I'm going to do. Oh and if any of my friends with musical talent (exempt yourself from this request Jerm. Sorry) want to help me put together a song or two (and remember I really really really am a difficult person to work with on any creative endeavour) feel free to call me (if you're my friend then you have my number. duh)

Lately, I've been trying to piece together my thoughts on why I'm so, and I'm quoting what I've been told in the past, "complicated" and "mean". Well as far as the mean goes, I think its because I really don't like much. Not even myself. So I've cut out the possibility that I'm arrogant. But I think there's an even chance that I have some ridiculous standard which I expect all to measure up to, even though there's not a remote standard that anyone can or will meet it. As far as complicated goes, what did you not just read that last paragraph? Alliterate moron. See? I didn't even read that last paragraph, and I'm berating you, gentle reader, for not reading it. Of course, if you're here, you probably did, and so I guess that whole berating (beration?) was in vain. Or something like that. Anyway, I think that's the whole point of everything so far.

Phrases that I've been using way too much:
Sweet Mama Pajama!
Monster in verb and noun form, i.e. "Man that lane 49 is a monster!" or "Dude, I'm over here straight monstering these lanes."
Ridiculous


Also as a side not, Donato Alphonse D'Elia is quite possibly the coolest man alive. And as soon as I find a gift appropiate to his greatness, I intend to surprise him with it. Hmmm. . .of course it won't be much of a surprise anymore if he reads this. Uh. . .D.A. if you read this try to forget that I said that.



That is all.






Seriously. . .






Now you're just getting pathetic








Go do something else!!

















You didn't go do something else did you?

















Okay, okay okay fine, you can stop shouting encore. Uh. . .here's one last thought. Then seriously you're going to have to go do something else. As I get older I notice that my confidence level rises. Situations that used to make me nervous (and start sweating like I was running a marathon) now have little to no effect on me. Coincidence? I think not. Okay that was a thought now begone.

















Begone I say!