So, another year has gone. Now its time to recap the year. Again. . .something's gotta be better.

Javann's Completely Awesome Year (Not Quite Completely Awesome, But okay)

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I moved out. I moved into a house with my sister. It was. . .different and not done before.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I have no resolve, much less during new years to do anything

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Um. . .yeah, I'm sure someone did, I just don't remember.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Kenneth Goode. He was a great man and his death made me hurt.

5. What countries did you visit?
The US of A. But it wasn't really a visit.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Honestly? I don't know, some answers to the questions that always seem to resurface when I sit alone in the dark.

7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Uh, the day that I visited Columbia, SC and was the best man in Jacob's wedding. What date was that? I really can't remember. But I assure you, it is etched in my memory.

8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
Getting another. . .oh wait that was in 2007. . .I accomplished nothing.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't want to tackle this question.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My first strained muscle in my lower back, hooray!! Numerous cuts, and a lot of food poisoning. Stupid food poisoning.
11. What were the best things you bought?
Uh. . .I really didn't buy anything substantial this year, maybe some new shoes, a cool sweater. That's about it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one really. Well, Tre did start pioneering, and become an EMT. So hooray for him. And I didn't mean that sarcastically, even though that's how I said it.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one appalled or depressed me. . .except for myself of course. Yay.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Petrol (my goodness the petrol) clothing

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing really. . .I can never figure out if my life is depressing or if its just this form. . .
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Viva La Vida - Coldplay

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) happier or sadder? believer it or not happier
(b) thinner or fatter? thinner (yes!)
(c) richer or poorer? In theory richer, but in practice still broke

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Traveling and cool stuff. More cool stuff should've been done

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work? I guess.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Somewhere dark quiet, and thankfully non-festive

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No. Of course not.

23. How many one-night stands?
I've got this nice plastic rubber maid storage drawer set that I keep next to my bed, had a five inch television on it, so I guess you can call it a night stand. And it is a singular.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Robot Chicken really showed me something. As did Aqua Teen Hungerforce, but that's normal of course.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My list of abhorrance is only comparable to my list of mistakes

26. What was the best book you read?
Keep Yourselves in God's Love
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
This year? TV on the Radio, My Morning Jacket
28. What did you want and get?
Separation

29. What did you want and not get?
I'm sticking with last years answer:
Completion

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
This year? Hmmm. . .Pineapple Express. It was hilarious.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I uh, did nothing. Yeah, that's about right.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Learning more. About anything.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Half metal and half hip hop, all stylish of course

34. What kept you sane?
Who said I was sane?

35. Which celebrity figure did you fancy the most?
How about that Meagan Fox? Rawr!
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Spiritual blindness not being an issue.

37. Who did you miss?
Roldie. He moved so far away.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Uh. . .Reed Cavanaugh. You'd think that name would be enough. And you'd be right in that thought. If you don't know Reed Cavanaugh, you should stop what you're doing find him and meet him, right now!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
I need to buckle down and go back to college. If I don't get my degree, I'll spend the rest of my life miserable and somewhat unfulfilled.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm an ever rollin' wheel, without a destination real.
I'm an ever spinning top, whirling around till I drop.
Oh but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool.
Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to.
You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go)
You got me going in circles
(oh round and round I go, I'm spun out over you)
I'm a faceless clock, with timeless hopes that never stop.
Lord but I feel that way, of my soul. My soul is stay.
Oh but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool.
Give me a little hope, one small thing to cling to.
You got me going in circles (oh round and round I go)
You got me going in circles
(oh round and round I go) I'm spun out over you
(I need you baby) over you (I need you baby) spun out over you.
(I need you baby, I need you baby baby)
I'm spun (I need you baby) I said I'm spun out over you (I need you baby)
Spun out over you (I need you baby, I need you baby, I need you baby)

Don't ask for explanation. Well you can ask, I won't guarantee the answers. Anyway, thanks for the time, and spit the intelligence at me.

Maybe I've lost all reason/no, I know, baby I've lost all reason/why are we together/when all we do is hurt each other/constantly fighting/tearing ripping and biting/good times are bad times/bad times are worse times/I'm so. . .confused?/I feel so used/but it feels so sweet. . .

The last time was simply magic/no the last time was simply tragic/it hurts me so deeply/and it hurts me so sweetly/that I can't let go of who we are/and I know that "we" won't get far/rip my veins apart with your hate/reconstruct my heart I'll be your blank slate

tears in my eyes/a lump in my throat/a smile on my lips/I'm afraid I can't let go/I'm so near and you're so close/and now as I ooze to the ground/I can't help but think. . .

you're what brought me down. . .

I love to hate you/I hate to love you/I want to need you/I need to want you/I can't see because I'm blinded/ I'm blinded because I can see/

I see you standing over me. . .over me. . .over me. . .

Okay, so lately I've just been dropping in, dropping poetry, and dropping out. Why break a good habit? This is more of a song though. Or actually songs. That's plural. Because there's two of them.

Human Alien

Everything is different, nothing is the same/no one cares about you, and no one knows your name/burning lungs set ablaze by loose tongues/the memories only pretty when it burns

human alien
no one really cares
human alien
everyone stares
human alien

seven billion enemies, a true army of one/unfulfilled desires, and another life comes undone/passive fires, sparked by aggressive liars/its okay/you'll have your day/ under the sun

human alien


Surrender the Night

a plane we can't attain to/ a place we dare not be/a dread no one will admit to/a fear not meant for me/glaciers replace warm desires/numbness creeeps up on me

in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and. . .
surrender the night

a cold blank slate buried deep in the snow/a heart filled with hate, until it grows cold/this is my own sorrow/I can beg or borrow/but its not right

in this dead revival
we're so bent on survival
sacrifice what's right
give up the good fight
and . . .
surrender the night

That's all I got for you for now ladies and gents. Love peace and nappyness.

You're so beautiful i'm so clueless, you're so perfect I'm such a loser, I'm one of your notches, bowing to my love goddess, Aphrodite, Athena, Halle, I bend at the knees like Jon Salley, I'm sculpted artwork for your gallery, nude chubby teddy bear at attention, you're an ascension to another dimension, I'm just your discension, maybe an honorable mention, I don't care who cares or who doesn't, or what was or even wasn't, deny me be ashamed, take the credit, give me the blame, on my hands and knees, begging to be decieved, lied to, tried to, I tried to retain my composure, but this exposure, my dignity stripped, my manhood's ripped, take me by the hand to the slaughter, me someone's son you someone's daughter, I hurt for your pleasure, I bleed only for you to measure, my soul pours at your feet, I can't be discreet, I want the world to know, berate me for show, assert your dominance, destroy my prominence, obliterate my common sense. . .


First Draft,
8/25/08

How do you go through life constantly flirting, constantly hurting, deep inside in your mind's eye, you have everything to hide, almost nothing to lose, and still you abuse, yourself and everyone else, who makes contact, every conversation is combat, its pathetic, how you regret it, then tomorrow forget it, but don't sweat it, it'll all be over soon, your time in the womb, will soon end in the tomb, and when you're cold and alone, listen to this, my song, it might make you sigh and moan, or even cry and groan, maybe you'll suddenly feel grown, remember that I like this song, am just so real, and like me, I hope this just makes you feel.

08/25/08

(First and extremely rough draft)