Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I'm still not fond of public social settings. I think, today, I realized why. Most of the times, when I'm in settings like that, I'm by myself. And the feeling of being alone is actually accentuated by seeing people I don't know all enjoying one another's company. I feel. . .jealous? angry? lonely? I don't know. In all honesty, I probably feel more out of place than anything. I've never been jealous of people who have friends, because, I have friends, and its not like I'm alone in the world. I always feel a little anger, a little aggression, I think that's a normal feeling for me. I guess that should bother me, but that anger is what makes me wake up to go to work in the morning. That aggression makes me do my job. That aggression makes me do the things I know is right. Somewhere in the back of my head, when things get tough, I get aggressive. I get angry, I do what I must because I will not allow myself to be beaten by anything, or anyone. Lonely? Maybe. Sometimes, I feel that way. But then again, the aggression. That doesn't really let me think that way long. I don't know.

Anyway, those of you who would like lighter fare, lighter less emotionally open fare, well, I'll try to be shallow and closed tomorrow.

1 comment:

Itzjerm said...

hmm... anger maybe thats what i'm missing in my life?

Yeah alone in the social scene stinks.. feelin alone is definitly worse

I dont think its agression which is the word for me.. I think its self denial. ? maybe ?