For your general enjoyment. . .a story
I'm in a weird place right now. Its like the water's up to my neck, and I can't swim, and I can feel my toes leaving the bottom, hear the water rushing in, and in my head, I hear myself wondering again and again, "how'm I getting out of this?"
Hmm. . .yeah, I guess then you must feel a little trapped.
Well, not exactly trapped. More like my hand has been forced.
What do you mean?
My hand. . .has. . .been. . .forced. Its almost as if now I must do something so incredible, so improbable to escape where I am that its not even about overcoming, as much as its the only thing I can do.
So. . .because you're in so deep, what you do now its heroism?
No, its really just me doing the only thing I can. Like picture this: A man wakes up in the middle of the night. There's smoke everywhere, so thick that he can't breathe. The heat of the fire has saturated the air, and its almost impossible to tell where its coming from. He jumps up quick and locates his family and pulls them out of the family, almost dying from smoke inhalation. The next day he's in the papers as a hero.
And he should be right?
Right, he should be. Now picture that same man, trying to get out of the house and in his desperate rush for survival, he awakens his family. They rush out with him, and now they all survive. But is he a hero?
No. . .
NO! He's a coward of the worse sort, because he would have left his family behind. Fortunately, for him and for his family, he's just clumsy enough in the dense smoke to knock over objects and alert those around him. I'm that man. I'm not heroic. I'm just in a situation where I've no choice but knock some stuff around. Anything that happens because of that has nothing to do with my being brave, or courageous, or any such nonsense. I fight because I have to.
Because you feel you have to?
No because I have to. I fight because I have to fight. There's no in between. At least I don't think there is.
Maybe there is and you don't know it?
No. . .I think of all people, as the smoke fills my lungs, I would be able to feel it.
Metaphor. Anyway, this isn't a time for talk either way. Lets go.