you'll be thrilled to know that I'm on twitter now. It feels as if I'm putting out tons of information, all meant to entertain no less, and for free. . .sigh. Don't feel sorry for me. Its really not for free. I mean, I'm paying for the internet service, so technically I'm losing money.

Follow me if you dare.

I don't even know what that means.

As you may or may not know, I dislike many many things. Its amazing how much I hate some things. But what's even more amazing is when I meet someone who's all cheer and happiness. I hate to admit it, but I've actually had someone who was all rosey colored glasses tell me that I actually scare her. I gave myself a mental high five. You know why? Because I keep it real. Life is bleak. Things aren't looking great for the human race, or for any other race for that matter. So if you're happy about everything, then guess what? Its like you're barely alive. Trophy fish. What scares me are people who truly are the personification of ignorance is bliss. People who don't know anything, and are happy not knowing anything. And when you try to teach them something, something that will actually make their life easier they say, "oh I don't do that well, so I don't even want to try." I have yet in my life to actually give up on anything. Am I saying that I'm some awesome dude who you should imitate? No. Because I'm definitely not that. But what I am is a man who doesn't understand people who don't want to learn, or go somewhere in life. I'm not trying to climb the corporate ladder, nor am I trying to "better" myself. I am merely a man who values the ability to learn. One day, my mind will be gone. I'm sure of this. In fact, one day, I'll be dead, and I'd like to go out knowing that I have yet to let anything in life beat me.

That's such a random rant.
-J

Maybe I'm just a little crazy, maybe I just don't understand, if you're a woman and I'm a man, why aren't we meant to be?

So here I am. I'm off from work for the next week. I'm doing some general cleaning. And I'm getting ready to go tackle a huge issue. At least a huge issue for me. That of course is applying for tuition reimbursement. I gotta be honest, going back to college sends a tingle down my spine. I have dreams about going back to school and then slacking off, not going to class, or waking up late. Just last night, I had a dream where I didn't even go to class for half a semester. Why am I having these dreams? Well, mainly because that's what happened near the end of my first attempt at college. Its hard to explain, and even harder for me to understand, but I just completely lost motivation.

But here I am. Again. Going back. And I gotta be honest with you, I'm not really feeling the glow of a fresh and happy student. But that having been said, I know some of that is just my mind playing tricks on me. Because at the end of the day, I'm just a little insecure about the only thing that's ever beat me in life. And I hope to, in a year and a half or so, be able to say that I've cleared that hurdle. Actually, I don't hope to do it. Unless I die or suffer some kind of damage to my mind, I intend to be able say it. Ah, there's the old cocky Javann we know and love.

Here's a quick thought, cause I gotta jet in like 14 minutes, and I'm definitely not dressed, or ready to go anywhere, though I pretty much will throw on a T-shirt and jeans.


Recently a friend of mine and I were talking about movies, and how all the independent movies were essentially exercises in depression and always portrayed life as being horrible. Its rare you see an independent film end happily, often times, they end with two people who don't understand what's going on deciding they will not know anything and be lost together. Which is pretty sad, really. But I think the real problem is that many independent movies try to be the second act. In a trilogy, oftentimes the best movie in a trilogy or the best act of three is the second. Its because of the conflict, the tragedy. But what really made the second act awesome is that it didn't have to resolve any of the conflict they started. Its like trashing an hotel, and not having to pay for it. Its all the wreckage and none of the responsibility. But what we should remember is that somewhere, someone has to pay for it. Someone has to be responsible and tie up loose ends. Normally that's the third acts job, but if there is not third act, everyone's left feeling like crap. I know this seems disjointed, and that's mainly because it is. I'm strapped for time here people, I got stuff to do and I well, I'm procrastinating by blogging. Really its a poor choice, but I don't really care about how poor a choice it is, because I rarely do. Anyway, enough of my procrastination.


Though last thought, what the heck is up with people calling me conceited? Since when was a healthy dose of self confidence a bad thing? I'm sorry I'm not setting myself up for anorexia or or other mental issues because I actually LIKE being me. Geez.. .

So for those who didn't know, I play an instrument. Do I play it well? Not really. But I play it. Recently, I've been recording some music, doing my musical thing kind of as a way to chill out and learn something new. Which is working okay for me I guess, but then again, how would I know? You know when you hear some amazing artists make something that you could listen to over and over again, and it just awes you to hear how they were able to make something so beautiful? Yeah, something gets lost in translation when you're the one holding the guitar, or the mouse and bass in my case. Hmm, that'd be a cool name for an album. . .anyway, that's just the point. I don't know if I'm making the best music ever, or if I'm making the same trite crap I hate listening to. Maybe my musical confidence is shot, who knows? When I hear some of the stuff I've been working on, its all partially done, even stuff that I did years ago, because I always can think of something else to do to it. Which is a good thing right? I mean I'll never be so confident that I'll place my music on the doorstep of the world and dare them not to fall in love with it instantly. Though, I will admit, I so want to do that. That having been said, I will say that its like I'm at the verge of making several good songs, and I just can't finish it. Its times like this when I really wish I had a band that didn't do anything else in life, but make music. Its not like I don't do other things, its just that my schedule is pretty much the best ever for solo pursuits. I only work weekend nights. That means during the week, I am free to do any and everything I want. And its pretty sweet. Until you realize that you're alone because all the cool social stuff that happens on the weekend happens while you're happily working away. And that, my good friends, does suck.

Anyway, I think this is enough of my random talking. Go do something else, I'm going to go write some blues. Or something.



Whatever.