There ain't no rest fot the wicked/money don't grow on trees/I got bills to pay/I got mouths to feed/ain't nothing in this world for free/you know, I can't slow down/I can't hold back/you know I wish I could/oh there ain't no rest for the wicked/until we close our eyes for good

I feel the constant tug of life. I feel as if I can't stop, because I haven't reached any of my goals. If my life is measured and defined by my goals, then what does that say about my life? Incompletion? Unsuccesful? Its almost enough to depress me. I keep telling myself that I'm only 27, but that "only" doesn't even remotely make a difference. Sigh. Maybe after I take a nap. . .

there ain't no rest for the wicked. . .

And we'll all float on, we'll all float on, alright.

Good morning. . .night. . .day. . .whatever it is to everyone. After a three to four month long hiatus, guess who's back? Well obviously, its me, because if it were someone slse, it wouldn't be my blog now would it? So maybe you'd like an update on what's new with me?

I'm back in school! Yes, its true, I am back, and this time around, not slacking off completely, or failing, or losing my mind. I'm also that much closer to being an alumni and not just a constant student. The ensuing celebration will be a) epic and b) at least a week long.

I can't say that I have any really deep thoughts, because its near the end of the semester and I'm actually a little burned out. Actually, I'm more than a little burned out, I'm full blown shot, but I just happened to look at my blog, and felt so pathetic for neglecting my first love (writing) that I figured I'd type out a post for old times sake. Not to worry, I'm going to start trying to at least slowly working my way back to my normal several times a week, but its going to take some time. And structure hopefully will come back with that as well.

Random thought: I fell asleep the other day and had a dream set to The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. It was so weirdly music video. And I danced. I think its because the other night I was doing the "college girl" to that song at a friends house (we were playing Guitar Hero) If you've never seen my "college girl dance" next time you see me, ask me to do it. Its hilarious. If I ever figure out how to video tape myself without a tripod, I'll throw it up on. . .actually no, no I won't. you just have to see it in person, because I don't think the world's ready for that.

you'll be thrilled to know that I'm on twitter now. It feels as if I'm putting out tons of information, all meant to entertain no less, and for free. . .sigh. Don't feel sorry for me. Its really not for free. I mean, I'm paying for the internet service, so technically I'm losing money.

Follow me if you dare.

I don't even know what that means.

As you may or may not know, I dislike many many things. Its amazing how much I hate some things. But what's even more amazing is when I meet someone who's all cheer and happiness. I hate to admit it, but I've actually had someone who was all rosey colored glasses tell me that I actually scare her. I gave myself a mental high five. You know why? Because I keep it real. Life is bleak. Things aren't looking great for the human race, or for any other race for that matter. So if you're happy about everything, then guess what? Its like you're barely alive. Trophy fish. What scares me are people who truly are the personification of ignorance is bliss. People who don't know anything, and are happy not knowing anything. And when you try to teach them something, something that will actually make their life easier they say, "oh I don't do that well, so I don't even want to try." I have yet in my life to actually give up on anything. Am I saying that I'm some awesome dude who you should imitate? No. Because I'm definitely not that. But what I am is a man who doesn't understand people who don't want to learn, or go somewhere in life. I'm not trying to climb the corporate ladder, nor am I trying to "better" myself. I am merely a man who values the ability to learn. One day, my mind will be gone. I'm sure of this. In fact, one day, I'll be dead, and I'd like to go out knowing that I have yet to let anything in life beat me.

That's such a random rant.
-J

Maybe I'm just a little crazy, maybe I just don't understand, if you're a woman and I'm a man, why aren't we meant to be?

So here I am. I'm off from work for the next week. I'm doing some general cleaning. And I'm getting ready to go tackle a huge issue. At least a huge issue for me. That of course is applying for tuition reimbursement. I gotta be honest, going back to college sends a tingle down my spine. I have dreams about going back to school and then slacking off, not going to class, or waking up late. Just last night, I had a dream where I didn't even go to class for half a semester. Why am I having these dreams? Well, mainly because that's what happened near the end of my first attempt at college. Its hard to explain, and even harder for me to understand, but I just completely lost motivation.

But here I am. Again. Going back. And I gotta be honest with you, I'm not really feeling the glow of a fresh and happy student. But that having been said, I know some of that is just my mind playing tricks on me. Because at the end of the day, I'm just a little insecure about the only thing that's ever beat me in life. And I hope to, in a year and a half or so, be able to say that I've cleared that hurdle. Actually, I don't hope to do it. Unless I die or suffer some kind of damage to my mind, I intend to be able say it. Ah, there's the old cocky Javann we know and love.