There goes my hero, watch him as he goes
Well, lets keep it short. The weekend was excellent, I gave my talk, went hideously overtime, (hideously) and then inflicted wounds with terry cloth. Okay. I think a good time was had by all. Either way, this ends my blog for the day, I've got a lot of everything to do and not alot of time to do it in.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
We fell in love/In the key of C/We walked along/Down by the sea
And so master mind that I am, I've got the site back up and running as it should. Cacophony shall forever remain my middle name. And so shall I be who I am. Anyway, its Wednesday, and unfortunately, I'm still in the computer lab. BUT! This here lab has FTP software, and I've got mp3 discs at my disposal. Which means that we can look forward to an mp3 for the day. I know, its been what seems like forever, so I'll be sure to make this one special.
In retrospect everything is clear. Or that's what everyone seems to tell me. In all honesty, looking back I don't understand anything. It seems to me that the clearest thing in my mind is the present. I can't understand half of the decisions I've made, much less understand my thoughts at the time. Things that made a lot of sense to me at the time make no sense to me later. I'd like to say that someday I'll probably understand everything later in my life, but in all actuality I'll never understand my past. I think that comes from the fact that I, like everyone else, have definitely changed with time. I'm not the person I used to be two days ago, much less the person I was months or years ago. Each day, every human is a different person, and each day, that human changes throughout the day. Some days the change is drastic and other days its minute. I think that's what makes growing up so difficult for adolescents, trying to understand exactly why their change is so drastic when everyone else seems to be so static. In all actuality, everyone is changing but some people seem to change very little. I was told when I was younger that life is hard and tough, and ironically enough, not changing is the only way you can really deal with it. If you don't start carving a niche, a.k.a. a rut for yourself to walk, you'll never be able to survive. Its almost as if you're forced to have tunnel vision, simply because survival requires it. You know I was watching Max-X which is this TV show where they show extreme video footage. Footage where, like the guy filming is driving and has an accident, goes through the windshield with it, and then films his arm flopping next to the steering wheel ten yards down the street. Okay that was a bit graphic, but it gets my point across. Anyway, this elephant who was trained to do tricks and perform for people, and apparently it was quite the elephant. Well, apparently it'd been pushed far enough, because the elephant snapped. It didn't have tusks, since they had been removed, but it was trying to gore its trainers, or at least damage them. Of course, since it was a 10,000 pound, nine foot tall elephant, they couldn't keep it contained in the tent, and it got loose. It totaled a car, then when a man tried to lock it in a fence, it threw him out of the way, and then mashed him to the pavement with its forehead. My first thought was poor guy, but then I looked at the elephant. It had been forced to turn tricks for peanuts, taken from its natural environment, mutilated simply for the pleasure, no, simply to earn money for its owners. Then when it tried to break free from the oppression, the elephant became dangerous. I also noticed how the announcer called it a "her", and "she" when the elephant was doing as it was supposed to, but once it began breaking free, the elephant became an "it". After having a zoological expert tell us the elephant was intelligent, "knew what it was doing" and apparently attacked its captors with criminal intent, we learn that the cops "had" to kill it. When I heard that, it angered me. This isn't a criminal, or some man who's bent on destruction. This is a poor scared elephant, that YOU drug away from its natural habitat, brought into the city, and forced to do tricks. When it wasn't performing for your benefit, it had to be put in a cage, and be shipped from place to place, with no real hope for it to ever get back home. And then when it finally snaps, decides it just wants to be freed from the hell you forced upon it, you killed it. What does this have to do with anything? Well, think back. I was talking about ruts. When you break out of a rut, you become dangerous. You have problems. And just like the elephant that broke free, you risk your life just to free yourself from the niche you created simply to continue living. But is breaking free worth the death that ensued? For the elephant, death was better than being forced to do some man's bidding for the rest of her life. Perhaps, for the elephant, life ended when it was captured and detusked. When it was removed from its natural habitat, life was no longer life.
At any rate, here's the mp3:I Am Trying To Break Your Heart - Wilco
My mood?
I don't know but this is a cool picture.
And so master mind that I am, I've got the site back up and running as it should. Cacophony shall forever remain my middle name. And so shall I be who I am. Anyway, its Wednesday, and unfortunately, I'm still in the computer lab. BUT! This here lab has FTP software, and I've got mp3 discs at my disposal. Which means that we can look forward to an mp3 for the day. I know, its been what seems like forever, so I'll be sure to make this one special.
In retrospect everything is clear. Or that's what everyone seems to tell me. In all honesty, looking back I don't understand anything. It seems to me that the clearest thing in my mind is the present. I can't understand half of the decisions I've made, much less understand my thoughts at the time. Things that made a lot of sense to me at the time make no sense to me later. I'd like to say that someday I'll probably understand everything later in my life, but in all actuality I'll never understand my past. I think that comes from the fact that I, like everyone else, have definitely changed with time. I'm not the person I used to be two days ago, much less the person I was months or years ago. Each day, every human is a different person, and each day, that human changes throughout the day. Some days the change is drastic and other days its minute. I think that's what makes growing up so difficult for adolescents, trying to understand exactly why their change is so drastic when everyone else seems to be so static. In all actuality, everyone is changing but some people seem to change very little. I was told when I was younger that life is hard and tough, and ironically enough, not changing is the only way you can really deal with it. If you don't start carving a niche, a.k.a. a rut for yourself to walk, you'll never be able to survive. Its almost as if you're forced to have tunnel vision, simply because survival requires it. You know I was watching Max-X which is this TV show where they show extreme video footage. Footage where, like the guy filming is driving and has an accident, goes through the windshield with it, and then films his arm flopping next to the steering wheel ten yards down the street. Okay that was a bit graphic, but it gets my point across. Anyway, this elephant who was trained to do tricks and perform for people, and apparently it was quite the elephant. Well, apparently it'd been pushed far enough, because the elephant snapped. It didn't have tusks, since they had been removed, but it was trying to gore its trainers, or at least damage them. Of course, since it was a 10,000 pound, nine foot tall elephant, they couldn't keep it contained in the tent, and it got loose. It totaled a car, then when a man tried to lock it in a fence, it threw him out of the way, and then mashed him to the pavement with its forehead. My first thought was poor guy, but then I looked at the elephant. It had been forced to turn tricks for peanuts, taken from its natural environment, mutilated simply for the pleasure, no, simply to earn money for its owners. Then when it tried to break free from the oppression, the elephant became dangerous. I also noticed how the announcer called it a "her", and "she" when the elephant was doing as it was supposed to, but once it began breaking free, the elephant became an "it". After having a zoological expert tell us the elephant was intelligent, "knew what it was doing" and apparently attacked its captors with criminal intent, we learn that the cops "had" to kill it. When I heard that, it angered me. This isn't a criminal, or some man who's bent on destruction. This is a poor scared elephant, that YOU drug away from its natural habitat, brought into the city, and forced to do tricks. When it wasn't performing for your benefit, it had to be put in a cage, and be shipped from place to place, with no real hope for it to ever get back home. And then when it finally snaps, decides it just wants to be freed from the hell you forced upon it, you killed it. What does this have to do with anything? Well, think back. I was talking about ruts. When you break out of a rut, you become dangerous. You have problems. And just like the elephant that broke free, you risk your life just to free yourself from the niche you created simply to continue living. But is breaking free worth the death that ensued? For the elephant, death was better than being forced to do some man's bidding for the rest of her life. Perhaps, for the elephant, life ended when it was captured and detusked. When it was removed from its natural habitat, life was no longer life.
At any rate, here's the mp3:I Am Trying To Break Your Heart - Wilco
My mood?
I don't know but this is a cool picture.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
If we run, we can see the light/if we stop we'll go quietly into the night/if we face, no doubt we will join the fight/and if it doesn't matter, then we'll set this right
So, this'll be all kinds of short. But! Here's what you need to know about the world of Javann. I'm off work this week! Yay! Video games and junk food all around. But really I'm using the time to study and prepare. Well, some of the time. A good deal really is being dedicated to junk food and video games. Don't worry, I'm getting a few wholesome meals in, with plenty of leafy green vegetables so there's nothing to be overly concerned about. This weekend I get to work the homecoming parade of a local college. Which means I stand in the street and make sure no traffic gets in the parade. Its not a difficult job, but its definitely going to be a fun one, because I intend to do it in plain clothes, and not my uniform. I kid I kid.
Have you noticed all the attempts to get people to vote this year? I can barely remember the last two elections and I can't help but think that this is the largest campaign I've seen to encourage voting. . .is that just me thinking that? If you don't live stateside, its pretty annoying, even the infamous Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as got in on the action. You'd think they'd try to keep him away from the entire process, since he's the one that managed to insult an entire province of Canada in under ten minutes. Amazing. Anyway, I've got some junk food and video games to ingest.
So, this'll be all kinds of short. But! Here's what you need to know about the world of Javann. I'm off work this week! Yay! Video games and junk food all around. But really I'm using the time to study and prepare. Well, some of the time. A good deal really is being dedicated to junk food and video games. Don't worry, I'm getting a few wholesome meals in, with plenty of leafy green vegetables so there's nothing to be overly concerned about. This weekend I get to work the homecoming parade of a local college. Which means I stand in the street and make sure no traffic gets in the parade. Its not a difficult job, but its definitely going to be a fun one, because I intend to do it in plain clothes, and not my uniform. I kid I kid.
Have you noticed all the attempts to get people to vote this year? I can barely remember the last two elections and I can't help but think that this is the largest campaign I've seen to encourage voting. . .is that just me thinking that? If you don't live stateside, its pretty annoying, even the infamous Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as got in on the action. You'd think they'd try to keep him away from the entire process, since he's the one that managed to insult an entire province of Canada in under ten minutes. Amazing. Anyway, I've got some junk food and video games to ingest.
Monday, October 04, 2004
The Incushow was a triumph. It still wasn't as good as the Morning View show, but the band was extremely on last night. I didn't hear one, 1, a single mistake. Not one. Not a wrong note or a voice crack. That in itself is amazing to me and gets them some points. So even tough the set list was lacking a bit, it was an amazing thing to see notwithstanding. Speaking of set lists:
Pistola
Nice to Know You
Idiot Box
Wish You Were Here
Just a Phase
Stellar (which went into a Do Do Do Da Da Da cover in the middle)
Beware Criminal
Here in My Room
Drive
Priceless
Vitamin (into the...)
Drum Jam (which, in turn, leads to...)
Everything is Dead (which was excellent)
Talk Shows on Mute
I Miss You
Made For TV Movie
Sick Sad Little World
Megalomaniac
---Encore---
Pantomime
Southern Girl
Under My Umbrella
While the set list was based largely off the new album, thankfully they stuck to the good new songs like Priceless and Beware! Criminal. They played this new lounge version of Drive where Mike was playing the piano which was interesting and, to me, a lot darker than any other version I've heard. Set wise, everything was predictable and there was only was really huge surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear much old stuff. I wish they would’ve done Circles though, cause I love that song and love hearing it live, but they made up for that by playing freakin Under My Umbrella cause that's a rarity and a really awesome song (that was the huge surprise). I've never heard a live version of it ever - not even a bootleg and I've looked hardcore, too - and always wanted to hear it live, so it was cool to finally get to it in all its glory. It was a closer for the real fans, definitely.
Other highlights were Idiot Box, Sick Sad Little World and Priceless. Good stuff. So now I’m off to try and recoup. The floor is a vicious place indeed.
Pistola
Nice to Know You
Idiot Box
Wish You Were Here
Just a Phase
Stellar (which went into a Do Do Do Da Da Da cover in the middle)
Beware Criminal
Here in My Room
Drive
Priceless
Vitamin (into the...)
Drum Jam (which, in turn, leads to...)
Everything is Dead (which was excellent)
Talk Shows on Mute
I Miss You
Made For TV Movie
Sick Sad Little World
Megalomaniac
---Encore---
Pantomime
Southern Girl
Under My Umbrella
While the set list was based largely off the new album, thankfully they stuck to the good new songs like Priceless and Beware! Criminal. They played this new lounge version of Drive where Mike was playing the piano which was interesting and, to me, a lot darker than any other version I've heard. Set wise, everything was predictable and there was only was really huge surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear much old stuff. I wish they would’ve done Circles though, cause I love that song and love hearing it live, but they made up for that by playing freakin Under My Umbrella cause that's a rarity and a really awesome song (that was the huge surprise). I've never heard a live version of it ever - not even a bootleg and I've looked hardcore, too - and always wanted to hear it live, so it was cool to finally get to it in all its glory. It was a closer for the real fans, definitely.
Other highlights were Idiot Box, Sick Sad Little World and Priceless. Good stuff. So now I’m off to try and recoup. The floor is a vicious place indeed.
Friday, October 01, 2004
And you took me away, and you took me away, and you took me away
So ladies and gents, what's the haps. This'll be shorter than normal because its Friday. There's nothing better, literally. As you can see in the comments, Failed Day is being planned again, and soon it shall be an event to witness. I'm all about getting in where its at this time around since last time I didn't even remotely get in where I fit in. But I rarely fit in anywhere. Speaking of which, my first official school holiday is coming up, for my crossing guard job, and not for my actual schooling. Which means I'll be living the good life. Or maybe I'll be wishing I was living the good life, since I'll reall just be living. Also for all you hep cats out there, my talk is quickly approaching, mark your calendars, October 10th is upon us! I feel sick. Or something.
So today, I got an email from poetry.com. Apparently they're featuring me in a "200 Best Poets" book that they're releasing. I'd say I feel honored but I don't even get a copy of the book for free. That's right, yours truly has to pay to read is own stuff. Well, at least on paper. But don't worry chicos and chicas you can still read a few of my favorite poems. Here's the highlights from my poetry.com years. (With author's notes after each one! Don't you feel special?)
I Don't Accept Challenges
You know what they say,
whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger,
and only one of us will be stronger today.
You messed up and got in my way,
now you're going to get left in my wake.
Welcome to my world of mistakes,
everyone who says these are the breaks,
haven't seen your bones in two minutes.
Now that this fight is beginning,
I can tell you the ending,
its you on the ground with less blood,
while you wasted your time on love,
I waste the lives of others,
put tears in the eyes of their mothers.
Maybe you haven't had time to ask around,
but the last challenger is still in the ground.
Still want to get down?
(So this is bascially me when I'm angry and I want to release said anger, and since I can't really justify going out and beating up the object of my anger, here's the poem that gets written instead. Ah, sweet release.)
The Black Goddess
you're a black goddess,
yet modest, the girl of my dreams,
let me know you a little better,
if you know what I mean,
i won't impress you with cheddar,
cash or my cream,
I just want your intellect shining on me,
reclining on me, you got me feeling complete,
from my brain to my feet, whenever we meet,
I want you to understand,
I've already planned,
to meet your demands, whenever I can,
with the wave of my hand,
just call me your man
(Isn't this pretty obvious? NEXT!!)
What Is Love Like?
Its like the time
when it was night and you were there
and I was there.
And there seemed to be no care
not a worry or anxiety in the world.
Just you and me, a boy and a girl.
And as we stared at the stars,
heavenly bodies intertwined like ours,
I realized I could reach up and touch them.
I pulled down the sky and wrapped you in it,
just so that for those seconds, that minute,
the lovely met the divine,
and I thought it must be a sign,
a sign that love is what it should be.
Love is sometimes what we can see
and sometimes what we feel,
and it all seemed surreal
and yet so real
I could touch you both, again. . .
(Just when you thought metaphors, imagery, pointless romanticism and symbolism were dead. . .)
If I Thought What You Did, Would We Ever See Eye To Eye?
everything doesn't have to be about me.
if it were my life would be a casualty,
to casualness and self worship.
don't misconstrue, everything i do
because whenever my tongue slips
the things i say don't come from me.
at least not specifically.
if i know what best for me
i'll forever be, in love unhappily
right now i'm alone but not alone
simply because i can't condone
allowing myself to commit homicide
to myself also known as suicide
i'd like to imagine my life as eventually
instead of perpetually
but still i imagine its not changed
since i became estranged, i guess i'm strange
and if love doesn't come for free,
i'm sure it'll come to me
for a fee.
(And for the finale, and bit of teen angst.)
So ladies and gents, what's the haps. This'll be shorter than normal because its Friday. There's nothing better, literally. As you can see in the comments, Failed Day is being planned again, and soon it shall be an event to witness. I'm all about getting in where its at this time around since last time I didn't even remotely get in where I fit in. But I rarely fit in anywhere. Speaking of which, my first official school holiday is coming up, for my crossing guard job, and not for my actual schooling. Which means I'll be living the good life. Or maybe I'll be wishing I was living the good life, since I'll reall just be living. Also for all you hep cats out there, my talk is quickly approaching, mark your calendars, October 10th is upon us! I feel sick. Or something.
So today, I got an email from poetry.com. Apparently they're featuring me in a "200 Best Poets" book that they're releasing. I'd say I feel honored but I don't even get a copy of the book for free. That's right, yours truly has to pay to read is own stuff. Well, at least on paper. But don't worry chicos and chicas you can still read a few of my favorite poems. Here's the highlights from my poetry.com years. (With author's notes after each one! Don't you feel special?)
I Don't Accept Challenges
You know what they say,
whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger,
and only one of us will be stronger today.
You messed up and got in my way,
now you're going to get left in my wake.
Welcome to my world of mistakes,
everyone who says these are the breaks,
haven't seen your bones in two minutes.
Now that this fight is beginning,
I can tell you the ending,
its you on the ground with less blood,
while you wasted your time on love,
I waste the lives of others,
put tears in the eyes of their mothers.
Maybe you haven't had time to ask around,
but the last challenger is still in the ground.
Still want to get down?
(So this is bascially me when I'm angry and I want to release said anger, and since I can't really justify going out and beating up the object of my anger, here's the poem that gets written instead. Ah, sweet release.)
The Black Goddess
you're a black goddess,
yet modest, the girl of my dreams,
let me know you a little better,
if you know what I mean,
i won't impress you with cheddar,
cash or my cream,
I just want your intellect shining on me,
reclining on me, you got me feeling complete,
from my brain to my feet, whenever we meet,
I want you to understand,
I've already planned,
to meet your demands, whenever I can,
with the wave of my hand,
just call me your man
(Isn't this pretty obvious? NEXT!!)
What Is Love Like?
Its like the time
when it was night and you were there
and I was there.
And there seemed to be no care
not a worry or anxiety in the world.
Just you and me, a boy and a girl.
And as we stared at the stars,
heavenly bodies intertwined like ours,
I realized I could reach up and touch them.
I pulled down the sky and wrapped you in it,
just so that for those seconds, that minute,
the lovely met the divine,
and I thought it must be a sign,
a sign that love is what it should be.
Love is sometimes what we can see
and sometimes what we feel,
and it all seemed surreal
and yet so real
I could touch you both, again. . .
(Just when you thought metaphors, imagery, pointless romanticism and symbolism were dead. . .)
If I Thought What You Did, Would We Ever See Eye To Eye?
everything doesn't have to be about me.
if it were my life would be a casualty,
to casualness and self worship.
don't misconstrue, everything i do
because whenever my tongue slips
the things i say don't come from me.
at least not specifically.
if i know what best for me
i'll forever be, in love unhappily
right now i'm alone but not alone
simply because i can't condone
allowing myself to commit homicide
to myself also known as suicide
i'd like to imagine my life as eventually
instead of perpetually
but still i imagine its not changed
since i became estranged, i guess i'm strange
and if love doesn't come for free,
i'm sure it'll come to me
for a fee.
(And for the finale, and bit of teen angst.)
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