Wednesday, October 06, 2004

We fell in love/In the key of C/We walked along/Down by the sea

And so master mind that I am, I've got the site back up and running as it should. Cacophony shall forever remain my middle name. And so shall I be who I am. Anyway, its Wednesday, and unfortunately, I'm still in the computer lab. BUT! This here lab has FTP software, and I've got mp3 discs at my disposal. Which means that we can look forward to an mp3 for the day. I know, its been what seems like forever, so I'll be sure to make this one special.

In retrospect everything is clear. Or that's what everyone seems to tell me. In all honesty, looking back I don't understand anything. It seems to me that the clearest thing in my mind is the present. I can't understand half of the decisions I've made, much less understand my thoughts at the time. Things that made a lot of sense to me at the time make no sense to me later. I'd like to say that someday I'll probably understand everything later in my life, but in all actuality I'll never understand my past. I think that comes from the fact that I, like everyone else, have definitely changed with time. I'm not the person I used to be two days ago, much less the person I was months or years ago. Each day, every human is a different person, and each day, that human changes throughout the day. Some days the change is drastic and other days its minute. I think that's what makes growing up so difficult for adolescents, trying to understand exactly why their change is so drastic when everyone else seems to be so static. In all actuality, everyone is changing but some people seem to change very little. I was told when I was younger that life is hard and tough, and ironically enough, not changing is the only way you can really deal with it. If you don't start carving a niche, a.k.a. a rut for yourself to walk, you'll never be able to survive. Its almost as if you're forced to have tunnel vision, simply because survival requires it. You know I was watching Max-X which is this TV show where they show extreme video footage. Footage where, like the guy filming is driving and has an accident, goes through the windshield with it, and then films his arm flopping next to the steering wheel ten yards down the street. Okay that was a bit graphic, but it gets my point across. Anyway, this elephant who was trained to do tricks and perform for people, and apparently it was quite the elephant. Well, apparently it'd been pushed far enough, because the elephant snapped. It didn't have tusks, since they had been removed, but it was trying to gore its trainers, or at least damage them. Of course, since it was a 10,000 pound, nine foot tall elephant, they couldn't keep it contained in the tent, and it got loose. It totaled a car, then when a man tried to lock it in a fence, it threw him out of the way, and then mashed him to the pavement with its forehead. My first thought was poor guy, but then I looked at the elephant. It had been forced to turn tricks for peanuts, taken from its natural environment, mutilated simply for the pleasure, no, simply to earn money for its owners. Then when it tried to break free from the oppression, the elephant became dangerous. I also noticed how the announcer called it a "her", and "she" when the elephant was doing as it was supposed to, but once it began breaking free, the elephant became an "it". After having a zoological expert tell us the elephant was intelligent, "knew what it was doing" and apparently attacked its captors with criminal intent, we learn that the cops "had" to kill it. When I heard that, it angered me. This isn't a criminal, or some man who's bent on destruction. This is a poor scared elephant, that YOU drug away from its natural habitat, brought into the city, and forced to do tricks. When it wasn't performing for your benefit, it had to be put in a cage, and be shipped from place to place, with no real hope for it to ever get back home. And then when it finally snaps, decides it just wants to be freed from the hell you forced upon it, you killed it. What does this have to do with anything? Well, think back. I was talking about ruts. When you break out of a rut, you become dangerous. You have problems. And just like the elephant that broke free, you risk your life just to free yourself from the niche you created simply to continue living. But is breaking free worth the death that ensued? For the elephant, death was better than being forced to do some man's bidding for the rest of her life. Perhaps, for the elephant, life ended when it was captured and detusked. When it was removed from its natural habitat, life was no longer life.

At any rate, here's the mp3:I Am Trying To Break Your Heart - Wilco

My mood?

I don't know but this is a cool picture.

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