Wednesday, September 22, 2004

This sterile workplace/covered in germ free believability/once we return and aboutface/we're now handicapped by ability

I hate the computer lab. Its just. . .sterile. It's a lab, I know, but is there any need to make the entire place seem like its in the belly of some space bound mechanical beast, boldly presuming where no man has ever presumed before? Of course, my presence here is my own fault, since as was mentioned yesterday, I've ran across a spot of malware on my home computer. The update? Well, I've found and eliminated the hacker virus msxmidi, which somehow made its way onto my computer (not on my watch I assure you) and I'm trying to clean up the residuals. This may or may not include destroying and reinstalling IE (Microsoft Internet Explorer) since the amount of corruption in its coding is evidently irreversible to this point. Apparently, some computer literate geek who is armed with the knowledge of the inner workings of Windows and C++ has outwitted me with his charming software abilities. I bow to you, great incredible geek, your prowess with a keyboard assures me nothing but a physical victory, for in anything that doesn't involve the real world (no not the ridiculous reality show on MTV) you shall surely best me. You are truly great and powerful, blah blah blah. I'd be even more humble if I didn't have this intense desire to find you and commit unspeakable acts of violence to you.

At this point, you've stopped reading, and figured Javann's gone on yet another rant of self-righteous anger, but there's something you must understand. I am a innocent bystander. My computer has been inflicted with a terrible man-made disease, one which is designed to slowly degrade and overwork my already overworked computer till it finally gives up and throws in the towel. But enough about that.

My topic for today stems from yet another angry tirade, followed by the self-realization that I dislike a lot of things. A day doesn't go by without me thinking to myself, "Was that really necessary, you idiot?" In some cases, the idiot is me, in other cases its my fellow brethren of the human race. As I sit down to compile my list of dislikes, I'm sure you'll see something and think, hey I do that. That's fine. It just means I dislike that action. It doesn't make you an idiot, or inferior to anyone. I say this because I do a lot of the things I dislike. So here's a short list of a few things I don't like:

1)Mayonaise and the people who use large portions of it on everything: First let's ignore the fact that mayonnaise is basically chicken embyros and oil puree' to a blandly disgusting cream. And I'll even look past the fact that mayonaise looks a giant white blob. But when you have so much mayonnaise on a sandwhich that you can barely bite into it without it dripping out the sides, back, down the front of your shirt, that my friend is not what I call wholesome goodness. That is disgusting.

2)Jelly doughnuts: I don't like jelly doughnuts. Somehow jelly and doughnuts don't go good together. Bavarian cream and doughnuts, fruit perserves and doughnuts, even lemon pudding and doughnuts is a better choice than jelly. How did that happen? More importantly, why did it happen? Was some guy filling doughnuts run out of fillings and then decided to load a doughnut up with jelly?

3)People who drive slowly in the passing ("fast") lane: I don't know about you, but I don't drive the speed limit. And I've got nothing against people who do. But when you see a car closing in behind rather quickly, and your response is to slow down even more to "teach me a lesson" then I dislike you. You repulse me. The only lesson I learn is that I should have good insurance so that when I slam into the back of your car, at least we'll both get some parts replaced.

4)People who say they'll do something but then don't do it simply because they didn't want to do it: If you say you'll do something, but you don't want to, just do us all a huge favor and just tell me no. My feelings aren't going to be hurt, you're not that important. If you can't do something, tell me. Because in the long run, if I'm counting on you and you back out for no reason other than just "I don't wanna" then I'll be crushed and devastated. At the same time.

5)People who have long lists of dislikes: I hate it when someone dislikes so many things that they can't even begin to scratch the surface of all the dislikes they have because they are so vast and innumerable, like the grains of the sea. Is nothing worthy of your incredibleness that you must complain to the rest of us about how inferior everything and everyone is to your highness? Why bore us with your longwinded complaints and observations, when, in our inferior natures, it is not possible for us to be anything but common and infuriating. People who do this sicken me. Oh wait. . .

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