Monday, November 03, 2003
Don't you hate when you predict stuff, and then you're right? Nothing bothers me more than that. Because most of what I predict is someone using me, or even worse, me falling for something because I'm a total loser. Yeah, well that's negative self talk (to hear my communcations teacher tell it) and I engage in it quite a bit. I've always wondered how everyone else thought of themselves. How do you think of yourself? Is it always a happy and positive, or dark and negative? Are you hard on yourself, or do you think of yourself as being a great person? Me personally, I am extremely hard on myself, and I've continued to be that way, because truthfully, I'm not that great a person. I've got plenty of faults, and since I'm so close to them, they seem glaring and extreme. I'm sure from the surface I seem to be a normal person, but often when you scratch the surface of many things, you find things buried underneath, things that you don't want know, or see. With me, its as if i live underneath with those things, so I see them all the time, but I never see the surface, just like a fish living in polluted waters. I never see the ocean or what how it looks from above, but I can see how it looks from underneath, and I know its horrible. At least it looks that way to me. Oh well, I've done enough deep thought for one day, let me find something productive to do. . .